this post was submitted on 25 Oct 2023
420 points (97.7% liked)
Risa
6943 readers
43 users here now
Star Trek memes and shitposts
Come on'n get your jamaharon on! There are no real rules—just don't break the weather control network.
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
When I watched this, I assumed they meant printing on the screens rather than audio.
But I would love to have a bunch of dot matrix printers all around the super futuristic ship printing out immutable action logs
Only if printing technology has changed by then. Otherwise you'd just be getting 100 notifications that your subscription to HP Ink has expired and it can't print until you renew...
Atten Crew:
....
Come to Quarks
....
Quarks is fun
....
....
Don't walk, run!
....
Bring this printout for 10% off your first drink
Enter to win a talking beverage mug!
I imagine this not like a talking mug we might have today, with a battery and a prerecorded message, but instead an almost sentient creepy face like that bajorans treasure chest of horrors.
Dot matrix printers don't do that.
They totally would if HP still made them!
Meanwhile, in Voyager at Ensign Harry Kim's quarters during their final approach to Earth:
How does one prepare for maximum acceleration on the Enterprise? Put on their seatbelt, no wait LOL
It's just for theatrics. Inertial dampers practically negate any notion of movement.
Ex: TNG S4E3 "Brothers": Data commandeers the Enterprise in response to Soong's homing circuit. Due to the lockouts, Riker mentions that "The only way we knew we'd come out of warp was by looking out a window."
Except they break like Holodeck safety protocols
“ah, buckle this…. Ludicrous speed, go!”
Is this why the children are always doing stuff like sculpting with sharp tools?
It would kind of fit in with their sort of "futuristic yet not exactly" aesthetic.
Yes thank you ensign for writing that report up on your tablet computer, now because email apparently doesn't exist anymore you'll have to physically leave the tablet with me and go get a new one.
Fun fact, TNG basically introduced the very concept of tablets.
Killing email is a honestly a greater feat than achieving communism. I salute the federation
The monkey paw curls: Email has been lost to the sands of time, but somehow fax is still in regular use
I know that this is a lighthearted place, but why do you think so? E-Mail is one of the most democratic and equity promoting forms of communication there is through its decentralisation and open standardisation. It would be the very kind of thing the Federation would want to preserve or introduce itself.
load more comments
(2 replies)
load more comments
(1 replies)
RED ALERT: .... WE'RE OUT OF CYAN!!!!!!!
I'd assume the printouts to be produced by the replicators.
They replicate a dot matrix printer which prints the message.
It's the future, though, so I bet they're all 24-pin dot matrix that can use A4 or letter paper.
load more comments
(1 replies)
I laughed so hard omg 🤣
It's the fax machines from Back to the Future II.
YOU'RE
FIRED
Edit: I got sniped.
Take my upvote, anyways, you're a treasure who remembers the eighties
If you think transporter room duty is boring, imagine being the poor ensign assigned to your deck's 2280's era dot-matrix printer in case the captain decides to switch it up. Actually, I think that would have potential to be a pretty good gag on Lower Decks.. The boredom of sitting watching the printer, the suspense of the printer whirring to life... only for it to sloooooooooly print out some inconsequential message
If you think transporter room duty is boring,
Side note: why are they even using the transporter room at all? Site-to-site transport exists, and the transporter can be controlled from any terminal.
So why, when there's an emergency, do people frantically run to the turbolift, traverse a dozen decks, run along corridors, enter the transporter room and jump unto those little platforms, when they could just beam to wherever they need to go right from where they're standing?
Same question about medical emergencies - why is it not standard procedure to simply beam people to sickbay? Instead, doctors are running along corridors, taking turbolifts up and down and across decks, running some more along corridors, only to arrive at a patient and declare "bring him to sickbay immediately!!!"
My head-canon for this is that site-to-site transport is only safe in ideal conditions.
Don't try to think about actual transporters, the more you think about it the more broken it gets.
I was thinking about it once and ended up at slavery.
Not at Tuvix?
Site to site transport is effectively twice the number of transports. People are doing jobs. It might not be the best for them to immediately be beamed to where they need to go, because they might be doing something important. They're generally transporting a few stationary people one place. Their capacity could easily get overloaded trying to get a bunch of excited, moving people to their stations. If they're having to do it in shifts, and waiting for confirmation from each person that they're ready to go, I could imagine it simply being faster and more efficient to walk or use turbo lifts. Plus, that leaves transporters free for emergencies that may arise, or crew members who really can't get to their post quickly.
As far as medical issues go, I can see a whole lot of reasons it might not be safe to move an injured person, and you also don't want a doctor blindly transporting into an area that might have a danger that just injured someone.
Even just from a safety standpoint, you've just identified that some shit is going down. Why put people in a transporter buffer, where a power surge or failure would mean mass casualties. It's a good standard procedure even if it's only meant to not incentivize an immediate attack specifically designed to kill a massive amount of people transporting around the ship. Why distract the crew members doing important tasks with dozens of people materializing around them? With all the movement on the ship, i'd think it would take exponentially more capacity just to track the surroundings and make sure the area where someone is materializing is empty. I assume the transporter is sophisticated enough to handle all this, but it has to have an impact on capacity.
load more comments
(1 replies)
That was a plotline in Voyager.
There's a bunch of people whose whole job is running around decks of the ship transporting messages which could have been emails.
After that first time, everyone would jump to check printers.
Every time that dot matrix sound started everyone's butt would clench.
Print()
view more: next ›