Ask Lemmy

I was like 6 years old when my dad randomly told me that if a player dies during a football game, the others players have to eat him before the game can continue.

I never watched sports so I didn't even question it lol

I do not know where I got this from, but I thought all dogs were male and all cats were female. I thought this while I had a dog named Betsy and a cat named Sebastian.

If that's not bad enough on its own, I think I was in first or second grade when I learned the surprising truth. I wasn't a dumb kid, either. I learned to read when I was about 3.5 yrs old and started 1st grade as a 5 yr old.

I'm now in my 70s and I still can't figure out where I got that from!

I thought that if you swallowed your gum, it would stay in your stomach forever, so you had to make sure to never do it because eventually there would be no room for food anymore.

Also, old CRT TVs had this static electricity sort of fuzzy feeling on the screen, and if you ran your hand over it, it would dissipate. I thought that by doing that, you were absorbing the TVs power and if you did it too much, it would eventually stop working.

Lastly, I believed with all my heart that all the pets you ever owned were waiting for you in heaven and it made me mad when my (very devout Catholic) grandma told me that pets and animals don't have souls and so they didn't go to heaven. I said if that was true then I didn't want to go to heaven! I'm atheist now, so I don't even believe that anyone goes to heaven, but if anyone deserves to go, it's all the kitties, puppies, and various rodentia I've loved in my life.

I always thought cigarettes contain tar, as in the substance asphalt on the road is made from. It always felt weird to me, why would they put it in the cigarettes but I figured maybe they need it so the tobacco doesn't fall out or something.

There was a place by the beach called Helenback.

My siblings and I in the car: Where are we going?

Mum (shouting): Hell and back!

I was an adult before I realised it had another name.

Old people were always old

That there's a loving God.

Now it seems clear that even if he did exist, he's just above average asshole

That America was the greatest country in the world. And truly, not trying to be political, but honestly the propaganda in Midwest America was real. I didn't know anything about other countries - except for we were better. We figured it out, we built the best system ever and everyone else wanted to be like us.

Now those are the people I see overseas who are about to get punched in a pub.

That my parents never had parents. Sure, I had grandparents and saw them daily, but I somehow never realized that they were my dad's parents.

When I was six years old or so, my sister called me a "cosweb" and told me it was the worst thing ever. I completely believed her for a long time.

Oh yeah I had a few.

• That the moon you see during daytime is actually Mars (I then repeated that to my big sister and she believed it for an embarrassingly long amount of time)
• That the "up" arrows on traffic lights were for planes

I thought that women drank tea and men drank coffee, because that was what my mum and dad did.

I believed that you'd only get a finite amount of words in your life. So I didn't speak much and I would think that the annoying kids in school that always were talking through the teacher's explanation, would get their punishment later in life when they'd go mute because they would have used up all their words.

I used to think the poles holding up traffic lights were hollow, and there was a person sitting inside throwing switches to change the lights while looking at a watch to keep the timing fair.

I believed that peas were the pupa of something similar to a butterfly or a moth. I refused to eat peas for years because I felt so bad eating little baby critters. I think my aunt might've "encouraged" me to think that.

I swear a social studies teacher told us that most rivers tend to flow north to south. Young impressionable child I was, I of course filed it away as a long-term core memory -- right there next to PEMDAS, FOIL, and so on.

Then I mentioned it in college and got fucking embarrassed.

I thought that apt-get was a wrapper around the apt command

That my grandma's name was "grandma".

Kind of a weird semiotics misunderstanding. There was this trashy tabloid news program that did sensationalised nonsense most of the time, and they advertised the show with these teasers that were like, "tune in for the shocking conclusion OMG SO DRAMATIC", it was ridiculous.

One time they were talking about a security guard who was killed, and the ad had some footage of the incident - or a reenactment -shown in slow motion with a red filter. The implication was you were seeing real footage of a lethal encounter, and OMG SO DRAMATIC.

Then later that week they were doing a piece on school bullying, and they had what was probably actors where two kids walk past each other in the halls and bump shoulders, you know, like you'd do in a TV show as shorthand for bullying. They put the same slo-mo red filter over it, and the same ominous DUN DUN soundtrack OMG SO DRAMATIC.

I thought that red slo-mo filter meant death, so I thought I was watching security camera footage of the lead up to an incident where one kid literally killed another kid. It was pretty traumatic.

I'm glad I didn't grow up on a diet of that, I just saw the ads and didn't like it. This is how people grow up to be afraid of everything they're told to be afraid of.

Hiccups mean youre growing.

Thanks parents.

That all large salty bodies of water were called "the mediterranean sea."

That someday I would be free from the social trappings that invade our personal lives.

That Africa was largely unexplored by humans and mostly unpopulated

I thought chocolate was a color

That there was a disembodied head that lived in the toilet at night.