this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2024
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TenForward: Where Every Vulcan Knows Your Name

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[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 48 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

You can’t have Morn on coms! He’d never give the other party a chance to speak!

It's a matter of public record that Morn is quite the talker. Even Jahdzia Dax finds it difficult to get a word in. And we all know how much trill can talk... Each one has enough experience to fill a star ship's memory banks!

Every time someone shows up needing something from the person he's talking to, there's a 50/50 chance it was made up just to give them an out.

[–] cheesymoonshadow@lemmings.world 8 points 3 weeks ago

I was hoping it would be Dathon from "Darmok" on comms.

[–] KevonLooney@lemm.ee 38 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

These people are all very successful. The main problem would be getting them to work together. If anything, this would be the luckiest ship in the fleet. At least 8/9 of them have major plot armor. This ship would be like Gilligan's Island in space.

[–] ummthatguy@lemmy.world 32 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Voyager is already Gilligan's Island in space.

Also, it would appear the ambassador "somehow" got shot out the airlock. These things happen. No need to investigate.

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[–] The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world 29 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

This ship would be like Gilligan's Island in space.

Yes, I'd like to order 8 seasons please.

And a spin-off that will ultimately be recieved poorly, be canceled after two seasons, and then slowly gain popularity as people realize it's not actually bad, they just wanted something else at the time.

... Too on the nose?

[–] wise_pancake@lemmy.ca 11 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

If Broccoli didn't have to compete for the position of chief engineer, he'd have the confidence to do an excellent job.

[–] KevonLooney@lemm.ee 9 points 3 weeks ago

Uh, the man was possessed and put the entire Enterprise at the mercy of an alien race. That's at least first officer material.

[–] wise_pancake@lemmy.ca 38 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Morn on comms is either genius or foolish.

On the one hand, you can encode any message and the adversaries will be so bored of his constant blabbing that you won't even need to encode it

On the other hand, you'll need to divert your EPS relays all to comms as he'll still be saying goodbye when you're light-years away from your last rendezvous. You'll need serious signal strength before he lets them say goodbye.

[–] ummthatguy@lemmy.world 22 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Bonus: He's old friends with the enemy, so there's a decent chance he'll let you live.

[–] SzethFriendOfNimi@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

The multiple almost warp core breaches both act as a deterrent but also require you to get assistance from other ships. And knowing your luck it’ll be Sisko and his kid just got in trouble and his autographed baseball was transported into a stew by Neelix and accidentally served by Keiko

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 14 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Nobody says goodbye on the space phone. It's like they concentrated all their effort at being polite in every single other avenue of life that they forgot phone etiquette. Shit, man, Picard would mute the screen but not disable the video and then proceed to point at and talk shit about the person on the other end of the line.

Morn would only be saying goodbye because it would confuse everyone and give us the advantage.

Dude just cannot help himself. Some people were just born to gab.

[–] Transporter_Room_3@startrek.website 28 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Keiko would make a good chef, I think. She has experience with different kinds of cuisine.

Of course, she may not personally enjoy cooking some things, like a traditional Irish breakfast... But she would still make it taste good for the people who do like it (while constantly trying to get them to try literally anything else that's healthy)

And neelix knows how to be serious when it's needed. He would enjoy slam poetry and baking classes in an out-of-the-way area, but the moment the red alert is sounded, he's ready to go with a phaser in hand, and memories of the war.

I'll pass on The Sisko being my enemy. I do not want him to be my enemy. I choose life. He can live with it

[–] xantoxis@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Yeah so far the only person who's tried her cooking is O'Brien and he's just a grump about food.

[–] Transporter_Room_3@startrek.website 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Oh, you don't have to tell me about O'Brien and his moods....

And don't ask what's in the buffers...

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago

What was it like having O'Brien inside you regularly?

[–] Taleya@aussie.zone 5 points 3 weeks ago

Odo as chef is a better option

[–] wise_pancake@lemmy.ca 18 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Just to confirm, that's Pah Wraith Keiko and not "were on a break" Keiko, right?

[–] ummthatguy@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago

There's a difference?

[–] cybervseas@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

By all accounts Keiko does fine with the replicator. I'd put Riker in the kitchen - only Worf liked his cooking.

[–] MelodiousFunk@slrpnk.net 10 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Pretty sure that was less "Riker can't cook" and more "this unknown alien egg should be a perfect substitute for earth chicken egghhhhhhugghhhhh."

[–] Transporter_Room_3@startrek.website 10 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

"I substituted chicken eggs for traqueilean eggs, the beef with smoked Targ, and added in some leeola root to give it some bulk. 0/10 I followed the recipe exactly and it still tasted gross"

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I used spaghetti for gahk. Just shake your plate if they aren't moving enough for you. Worf, stop smashing the Wesley Crusher collectible china

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[–] CodexArcanum@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Meh I'd just swap Neelix and Keiko once we get away from star base and I think this is a crew I can work with. Well except for the fact that The Sisko is hunting us, that's gonna be the end sooner or later.

[–] wise_pancake@lemmy.ca 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Sisko is in the federation, how extreme could his actions be?

[–] ummthatguy@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Remember when he bombarded a planet with a biogenic weapon so Maquis humans couldn't live there? Good times.

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[–] Bishma@discuss.tchncs.de 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The first time we hear Neelix say "Well, hello Mister armed intruder" we'll either learn it was a surprisingly smart choice, or we'll need a new chief of security.

He does wear a red dicky under his smock, so I think he counts as a red shirt.

[–] chaogomu@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago

Neelix may have seemed like a bumbling fool, but yeah, he would be a solid choice as security officer. He had years of training under Tuvok, and actually ran point on quite a few of the stranger episodes in the later half of the series.

He rescued the crew a handful of times. So yeah. Neelix is a solid choice for security chief.

He'd perform there far better than as a diplomat. It seems like half the major conflicts the Voyager got into were because of Neelix. The rest were squarely on Janeway.

[–] ItsComplicated@sh.itjust.works 15 points 3 weeks ago

In truth, if I am captain everyone is fubar!

[–] apfelwoiSchoppen@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago

I would watch this.

[–] Brocon@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago

Captain "I can live with a little bit of old fashioned massmurder" is the enemy? I give up. Just disintegrate me now.

[–] match@pawb.social 10 points 3 weeks ago

this made me want a show that's like Seinfeld but for the ship's counselor

[–] MajorHavoc@programming.dev 9 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

If I could only make one change to this crew, I would jetison Keiko out an airlock.

[–] Maalus@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Right? Neelix can cook and be head of security at the same time

[–] Glimpythegoblin@lemm.ee 4 points 3 weeks ago

Sounds like a job for Tuvix

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago

My opening salvo would be firing neelix out of a torpedo tube. Hopefully that will distract them long enough for me to detonate my own warp core and hopefully take them with us.

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago

At least you'll eat healthy.

[–] artichokecustard@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

i never expected to still have such a visceral reaction to tgn twain, like if i ever hated anyone, it's him and judge judy

[–] Fuck_u_spez_@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 weeks ago

That voice...

[–] menemen@lemmy.world 5 points 3 weeks ago

I mean at least htey have... oh, "enemy".

[–] teft@lemmy.world 5 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Swap Kurn and Adami. I think that would be scarier.

[–] ummthatguy@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

First contact managed by Kurn begins with a fight to test their worthiness, followed by a barrel of blood wine.

[–] teft@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Kurn would open diplomatic talks with a volley of photon torpedoes. If they survive the initial klingon hello and he likes the cut of their jib then, and only then, do the tests of worthiness begin.

Cetacean ops has been converted to a bloodwine vat for optimal diplomatic relations.

[–] ummthatguy@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] teft@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

The 'Ritos dolphins are hanging out with Blazin' Bev too much.

[–] Bishma@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

The barrel of bloodwine is also a test of worthiness, since we learn in that episode of SNW that a bloodwine hangover is sufficient punishment for stealing a starship with Carol Kane.

My thoughts exactly. Half the crew would rather jettison themselves out the airlock than go to Winn with a minor issue.

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