this post was submitted on 26 Dec 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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Also, the Jewish God and Muslim Allah are on the International Space Station.

top 50 comments
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[–] Therealgoodjanet@lemmy.world 81 points 10 months ago (2 children)

This is a parody account, right? Right?

[–] youCanCallMeDragon@lemmy.world 34 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It must be there’s no way this is real.

Oh dip, nice username

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[–] sock@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

i feel like hes almost too articulate even in his typos for this to be non parody. this sounds like a non stupid guy making a joke for religious idiots to fall for.

[–] promitheas@iusearchlinux.fyi 61 points 10 months ago

God: All knowing and all powerful But wait, satellites, oh no!

Bulletproof logic

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 58 points 10 months ago (1 children)

National Association of Satan's Atheists, or NASA.

[–] ersatz@infosec.pub 12 points 10 months ago

I'm proud to be one of Satan's Atheists, but we're actually international now. We've got a chapter in Manchester.

[–] madmaurice@discuss.tchncs.de 50 points 10 months ago (2 children)

"Satellites block God's ability to watch us"

The omniscient, omnipotent god is defeated by a piece of space trash? What a rip-off.

[–] Coskii@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 10 months ago (4 children)

Same God that 'decided' a year shouldn't land on a whole day. Threw in that .25 for shits and giggles.

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[–] BananaPeal@sh.itjust.works 48 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (8 children)

This is the right amount of crazy that I'm not sure if it's honest or parody for this country.

Also: Jesus gets my prayers because he's in my heart, checkmate atheists.

[–] AnonWyo@startrek.website 37 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Your cardiologist would like a word about having a 2,000 year old corpse in your heart.

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[–] Sabata11792@kbin.social 10 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

This is the right amount of crazy to accidentally become real.

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[–] SlopppyEngineer@discuss.tchncs.de 34 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Funny how this is a Twitter post as half of all satellites orbiting earth (5581 out of 11300) are owned by Musk.

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[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 31 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Isn't God supposed to be all-powerful and omnipotent?

[–] Klear@lemmy.world 23 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

That should tell you just how serious this issue with satellites is...

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[–] Lifebandit666@feddit.uk 29 points 10 months ago (37 children)

Satan wins again. At this point the Christians have to admit they chose the losing side.

I mean this God of theirs is shit, can't even get around satellites, didn't think humans might beat their cocks raw despite seeing it constantly in Human 1.0 (Chimps), or that they might eat fish on a Tuesday or whatever. Even Jesus was fucking a whore and he was God incarnate.

Also God invented Cancer.

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[–] ColonelSanders@lemmy.world 29 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 17 points 10 months ago

All prayers are being converted to "bring back Evel Knievel." We really want him back.

[–] FerbFletcher@reddthat.com 27 points 10 months ago (5 children)

This is either (1) satire, (2) trolling, or (3) someone who has no real grasp of Christianity. Or some combination of the above.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 15 points 10 months ago (6 children)

(4) Protestants doing an unholy amalgamation of Catholic spirituality and Rational Scientific Inquiry to reach absurdist conclusions at their intersection.

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[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 26 points 10 months ago (1 children)

All those prayers from soccer fans for their team to win the World Cup were being intercepted all along 😥

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[–] 768@sh.itjust.works 20 points 10 months ago (3 children)

That sounds like the story of those Christians who were afraid of lightning rods because it might interfere with their God's ability to punish people by lightning.

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[–] Ghyste@sh.itjust.works 19 points 10 months ago

Is this a parody account? It's impossible to tell anymore.

[–] dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world 19 points 10 months ago

Let's detonate the moon since it's the biggest satellite

[–] capital@lemmy.world 19 points 10 months ago

Ok everyone stop upvoting and downvoting. We’ve reached the perfect score.

[–] matlag@sh.itjust.works 19 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I kind of hope it's real. Down that path at some point they'll decide the whole Internet and all modern technologies are satanist and leave Internet for good. They can embrace the Amish lifestyle, it's a win for the rest of us.

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[–] A_Porcupine@lemmy.world 18 points 10 months ago

It's a good job they haven't heard of ceilings yet. 😅

[–] Sanyanov@lemmy.world 17 points 10 months ago (2 children)

C'mon, the picture is clearly ironic

Don't be so serious about it

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[–] Jeanschyso@lemmy.world 17 points 10 months ago

I did the research. It is satire. They wished everyone a Merry Eaglemas this week.

This is a funny one.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 15 points 10 months ago

The Jews TM are using iron dome to shoot down christian prayers before they reach heaven.

[–] SinningStromgald@lemmy.world 14 points 10 months ago

Just imagine Jesus up in space bouncing from satellite to satellite getting all pissed off cause he just wants to get to earth and get this second coming shit over with so he can go back to heaven and bang some angels.

[–] wafflez@lemmy.world 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)
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[–] LoremIpsumGenerator@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago

I want what this guy smoking. Their angels need to go flight school again.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I don't know what's real anymore...

[–] TheLowestStone@lemmy.world 14 points 10 months ago

I honestly have no idea if this is satire and I'm afraid of the answer

[–] ieightpi@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago

It isn't a coincidence that's lemmy is keeping the upvote number at the "mark of the beast".

[–] OmegaII@feddit.nl 11 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Since when does God live in space? He lives in the cloud since the people who invented christianity where morrons who didn't know any better like Everyone in that time period. So now suddenly they accepted space and that God moved over there over 2000+ years living in the clouds, on a planet that is millions of years old.

Special people.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 22 points 10 months ago (1 children)

He lives in the cloud?

No wonder he always seems to need money. His AWS bills must be enormous.

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[–] nnullzz@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)

They say as they post from a mobile device providing internet connection via a satellite.

[–] explodicle@local106.com 8 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Wait, really? I just assumed it went from my phone to the tower, and then all solid wires from there.

[–] Numpty@lemmy.ca 13 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Generally, you use the radio network from mobile phone to cell tower, and then fibre optic to the switches. Sometimes they use microwave line of sight for surface-to-surface connections where fibre doesn't make sense, or is unviable (terrain, distance, cost, difficulty of laying fibre, etc.). It's possible that there could be a satellite connection in the process, but unlikely unless you're on an airplane, a ship, etc.

The GPS on the mobile phone definitely does use satellite (receive only though, no transmit).

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[–] Katzelle3@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago

We need to ban prayer to prevent Kessler syndrome!

[–] jtk@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 10 months ago (2 children)

If prayers were detectable, interceptable, and alterable, there'd be entire branches of science dedicated to them.

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[–] Pyroglyph@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

Conveniently forgetting the "God exists within all of us" schpiel that they made up as soon as we went to space and found nothing there.

Definitely either parody or very stupid.

[–] HiddenLayer5@lemmy.ml 8 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

God's some real weak mofo if he can be defeated by satellites.

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[–] BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 8 points 10 months ago

So NASA is using the Jewish space lasers to destroy prayers? Those heathens!

[–] cley_faye@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

I mean, yeah, NASA found a way to literally stop god's power, and they keep it to themselves.

[–] digeridoo@lemmy.ml 8 points 10 months ago (2 children)

This isn't real, right? RIGHT!?

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