Asklemmy

Get an advanced education, work harder, never be the one to say, "That is not my job" was the worst advice I could ever receive. I got into debt and was abused and exploited by my employers.

Don't ever quit.

Screw that. Quitting is healthy, quitting is good. Nothing worse than digging yourself deeper and deeper based on sunk cost fallacy.

"Just be happy" to a depressed person

Oh wow, jeez, thanks, why didn't I think of that earlier!

"There are people worse off than you"

Thanks, that totally solves my problem.

Someone told me that if I wanted to be a history teacher I should get a degree in special Ed to "make myself more marketable." It took 14 years to get out of special education and land a job teaching history

I was a new dog owner, went to /r/Dogs to ask about a particular behavior my dog was exhibiting I'd never seen or read about before (turned out to be normal tho) and every reply I got basically told me I don't know how to care for an animal and that I should give him to someone else.

It was then I realized that it wasn't just /r/RelationshipAdvice that was full of bitter, jealous losers whose advice is always "dump them." It applied to literally every single subreddit dedicated to advice. They may have started with good intentions and knowledgeable people, but over time filled up with people who had no business giving anyone advice.

My dad threw a party to celebrate when I graduated university with a degree in Computer Science.

At the party, my dad's friend took me aside and said "My nephew just got a degree in electrical engineering. Now that's an up and coming field, you should get a degree in that."

Like, alright buddy. Hopefully that career pays well enough for another four years of student debt. I'm still kinda in shock at how dumb of a thing to say that was.

Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life.

1. Every day is a day I'd rather have off.
2. It ruined the thing I loved (programming) for me

That since I was pregnant it was time to let my career go.

My career is critical to my family’s ability to live a middle class life (and it’s critical to my sanity and happiness, but the person who gave me this “advice“ wasn’t really one for acknowledging or valuing mental health).

“Just have one or two and then stop” when telling a friend I’m an alcoholic. Well shit, thanks! That never even crossed my mind!

Me: having a hard time mentally and emotionally Someone: "You need to pray to God to make your troubles go away."

The usual acne related ones, like washing my face more or using tooth paste on my spots. Turns out clearasil won't fix your hormones.

Use olive oil instead of sun screen because it works better than SPF and isn't full of chemicals.

When taking a taxi on a short stop over in Dubai, the taxi driver told me not to have blue hair (which I had) or no man will ever want me, while my then boyfriend was also sitting in the taxi, masquerading as my husband (we were wearing rings and just letting people assume we were married, which everyone did. Including the taxi driver!)

Work related: don't make my code too "complicated" or my one coworker can't understand it (read: my coworker doesn't know what async means, and instead of him learning, I'm just not ever meant to do anything async... When processing huge amounts of data... Also, error handling is too hard, don't do that either) yes, I will forever be salty about this. He deleted weeks worth of work while I had covid because he didn't even try to understand it - his reasoning being "it doesn't work anyway, so there's no point in understanding or learning what I'm doing"

"sleep when the baby sleeps"

Yeah because there's absolutely nothing that needs to be done once I finally get my daughter down. No washing and sterilising, for prep for us or for her, general chores around the house which you can never do effectively one handed. And fuck me if I wanted to try and relax and have an actual evening after they're down too.

"Sleeping like a baby" had also never seemed like such a juxtaposition!

“Everything happens for a reason”

• technically correct, completely unhelpful.

“God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”

• Fuck. Off.

"You just have to work through the pain." I've injured myself multiple times in the past exercising by following this idiotic advice.

It's one thing to push through discomfort, that's how your body gets stronger. But If you're in actual pain, stop and listen to the alarm bells your body is giving you.

When talking to someone about mental illness: "You know it's all in your head right?"

Just be yourself.

Oh yeah ok. Thanks. That fixes everything.

What is the most unhelpful advice you have received?

• "They're your family so you have to maintain a relationship with them'
• "man up"
• attend church

When I used to make notes because I don't retain information instantly my boss said "Just don't forget" I exclaimed: "Thanks, I'm cured!" The office got a laugh but it still bothers me that he thought it was a choice

My mother once told us to get "a male realtor; the woman realtors don't care as much because they're just doing it as a hobby - the men are doing it as their full time job."

She's a real gem.

“Get into the housing market while you can.”

My brother, mid 2005.

On dating and relationships: "Just be confident."

It's not wrong, but spectacularly unhelpful. I mean, a brain surgeon has to be confident to go cutting into somebody's head, but clearly that's not enough, right? Confidence as a romantically-attractive quality is a very particular (and peculiar) performance. Going to a party 110% certain of one's own value, sitting in a corner with a confident set of one's jaw, and silently waiting for the ladies to form a queue is...

...sufficient, apparently, because you just to be confident.

"Just act like a man"

If you mean 'like you', fuck off.

"Think harder." You are already thinking, trying to come up with an answer and aren't able to. What does "think harder" even mean?

"Why are you making mistakes? Just don't make them!" - my German teacher

Like... yeah, thanks, that's very helpful! Why didn't I think of that?!

Student loans are an investment in your future.

I'd have been better off becoming an electrician.

Pray about it

Back as a young fella, striking out in the dating market a bunch ...

"Just be yourself!"

No, honestly, that was the problem last time - I was looking for something a little more granular and actionable.

This is one of those helpful and encouraging things that people say without necessarily really thinking it through. Deep down in intent, they're right - you can't fake your way to healthy relationships, being insincere or putting on a performance of being someone you're not isn't going anywhere genuine down the road. Absolutely correct, absolutely great advice - but it's never given in sufficient complexity and depth to be useful.

None of those grown-ups were like "Ah yes, definitely be sincere about who you are - but also don't spend a whole date monologuing about the book you just read or your favourite video game."

That you can be genuine and sincere about who you are, while still using your social skills and putting your best foot forward socially just ... didn't occur. At the time, my understanding was that it was a hard binary - either I was 100% me at 100% volume and whatever came out of my mouth was definitely the best thing I could say, or I was stifling myself and being 'fake' in order to build an equally-fake relationship.

It took a friend's brother taking me aside to make it 'click' - he was holding a can or a bottle and was like "So the whole object is all 'real you' yeah? But any time you're talking to someone is like right now - you can only see the side that's facing you. It's all you, it's all honest, but you still want to show them the best side, the best angle, of the whole thing. Don't sprint straight to showing them all of your worst angle just because that's what's on your mind that day."

Me: *Suffers from severe depression and anxiety as a teen*

My family: You're just gonna have to deal with it!

They've since gotten my brother treatment for the exact same thing. Meanwhile, I'm still severely depressed and totally untreated because I can't fucking afford it.

I mean, recently? "Just use the official app, it's the same thing", lmao.

But overall, the worst of all time was someone telling me how to cope with a lack of friends by suggesting some stupid, isolating hobbies.

Literally anything related to dating.

"Try again." Particularly involving schoolwork. Derelict teachers then complained when the result of trying again would be identical, to the letter, for the same reasons as the first time. But teach? They did not.

When I was a teen I worked as a waiter at a dirty smokehouse/bbq place.

One of the kitchen staff there would make sexual comments about me. Say things like "You're lucky you look good because you're so stupid." And would ask what kind of underwear I was wearing.

I told my parents about it, and the advice they gave me was "Deal with it. You need a job."

Within a month that kitchen staff member had started to grab me and sexually assaulted me.

I don't talk to my parents anymore.