1. Don't be a jerk
2. If someone else is being a jerk and you aren't in charge, give up and leave.
3. #2 but you are in charge, get rid of them
4. Don't be a jerk

Don't argue on the internet.

It's not easy to find people who are willing to talk with you, most want to talk at you, and aren't interested in good faith discussion. State your case, clearly and with sources as needed, and don't waste your time with your opponent's butwhatabout, JAQing off, irrelevant exceptions, and goalpost moving.

Strike 2 and 3, those are beyond your control. Don’t even bother engaging trolls even to diffuse them, they’re only interested in popping off. 1, 4 and 6 seem decent. Also remember to just keep in keeping on, some folk just want to cause mayhem and discord.

Realise that not everyone is going to vibe with you and accept that.

Write a long comment in response to something, then change your mind and delete it.

This sounds like me 10 years ago. Also still 2 years ago.:-) Now, I take a different view. Others have already said it, but I wanted to reiterate the obvious: the purpose of trolling is not to engage in a good-faith argument, but just to mess with you. It's basically as effective as arguing at a brick wall, except arguing with a wall doesn't hit back (or dox you and come at you with a literal irl gun or bomb). For a much more in-depth explanation, this is an excellent video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmVkJvieaOA. TLDR: you are governed by one code of ethics, while they are not.

My steps in engaging in polite conversation on the internet are:

Explain my point as clearly and concisely as possible.

Try to be respectful of differing opinions and keep an open mind.

Realize that mistakes happen, apologize for my mistakes and admit when I'm wrong. Also, be forgiving of the mistakes of others, point out any mistakes but do so as gently as possible.

Ignore people that are either intentionally misunderstanding you or aren't making an effort to understand you.

I think the first two points are obvious and most people follow them, it's the last two that a lot of people struggle with, even myself at times, but I'm working on it. I think the worst thing you can do on the internet is trash someone's entire idea just because they made one tiny mistake. And putting in effort with trolls will quickly exhaust you, so you need to learn to identify and ignore them.

Lemmy overall seems to really struggle with sarcasm. So if you see something that’s so ridiculous don’t freak out, and try interpreting it as such.

I have found that one really effective way to defuse a combative argument, without leaving or arguing forever, is to just ask one question:

"Are you curious to understand what I am saying?"

The phrase "curious to understand" is important, because it appears to be anathaema to trolls, but it is absolutely necessary to a genuine conversation. It is a humbling position to be in that gives power away to the other person. I have never seen anyone pretend to agree to be curious who has then gone on to continue to troll. (EDIT: I have to amend this; I have met one. For context, see the dumpster fire below. Apparently they took this statement as a challenge.) If they do admit genuine curiosity, it can help defuse a fraught conversation and lead to a better conclusion. This has happened a handful of times in my experience.

They will usually try to find some way to deflect. It will usually boil down to: "I am not curious because I believe I already know what you're saying."

Recently I had someone say, "I am curious to understand why [aggressive twisting of my words]."

Point out that they haven't admitted to being curious, and that it's clearly not worth continuing if they can't admit such a thing.

In both cases you can simply point out that they are wrong about what you are saying - because if you had to ask this question then they are usually badly reinterpreting you. You can point out that a curious person would want to fix their misunderstanding.

I also usually say that I am curious to understand them but that I am struggling to and I would like them to answer my questions in order to help. Again, usually by the time I'm asking this, they've ignored several direct questions.

Stay genuine and inquisitive, but insist on the importance of this question and do not get dragged into sparring about the issue. Just allow them to burn all their credibility dodging this question. They very quickly look like a fool doing this and usually the downvotes will follow. After a couple of replies they'll have given you ample reason to tell them that if they can't even pretend to be curious then it's not worth talking to them.

Don't pick battles. You probably don't give enough of a shit about whatever xXbangedUrMum420Xx spent there entire life doing and he has nothing better to do than to win the fight. Your trolling yourself by wasting your time.

If you keep getting offended, no matter how right you are, your usually in the wrong space. Check before you move in, and block what causes you stress. You may have to move through no fault of your own, or chase out newcomers causing issues, but can't win the numbers game alone.

Without conformation, play as every bit of info as if it could be potentially lying. If it's important enough for you to care, you will have know enough to find whats true. It's almost impossible to know who's lying, shilling, or a bot. You got to verify what you read, and take the L when you half assed your fact checking.

Don't dox yourself/It's posted forever. xXbangedUrMum420Xx will swat you or send your mom your nudes over his skill issue, and is not in your legal jurisdiction.

Lurk in places you don't agree with on occasion, interact genuinely if you choose to interact. You get perspective, even if you found a bunch of paint huffing schitzos.

Be genuine, everyone can tell when its bait/BS, even if it's too late. It's a lot more fun to have a small genuine interactions than to farm engagement or upvotes.

Some one read your post, even if they didn't/can't interact.

You're not there to convince anyone. Just state your position succinctly and clearly. What the other person makes of it is up to them.

But everyone knows they're idiots anyway so it doesn't matter.

Learn to recognize when it isn't worth engaging further with someone. The point of discourse is to convince, inform or otherwise change how someone else sees something. If it is apparent that the person you are enging with isn't going to do any of that or that you won't, moce on and drop the conversation. It isn't worth either of your time.

3: Don't write walls of text like I do. You won't stop assumers from putting words in your mouth, you're just giving them more room to do so.

4: always take context into account when interpreting what others say.

In special, be aware that words and expressions change meaning depending on the context.

Doubly true when the word is "you", as it can convey a single person (thou), a group (you guys), or nobody (one).

5: if by "troll" you mean that guy who's throwing a matchstick into a pile of metaphoric straw: step back and enjoy the show. Optionally highlighting that the person is trolling.

If however you mean people pushing an agenda, I think that you can deal with them roughly like I deal with people acting braindead. It's a choice between:

• chewing them out. Make sure to have argumentation at hand, not just insults. And only do this if you got a bucket full of patience, as you'll need to outlast the troll.
• ignore them. Be aware that uncontested trolls will have an easier time pushing their agendas.
• report button. If you trust the mods enough to do so.

6: be cooperative; don't be charitable. Users showing excessive entitlement or irrationality should not be helped out, otherwise you're doing a disfavour for everyone else.

Say what you genuinely think, even if this might hurt someone's feelings. It's actually less rude than a white lie.

Don't vomit uncalled advice. If someone asked (implicit or explicitly) for input, it's fine to give yours; but don't go out of your way to boss them around.

Discuss the topic, not the other person. If you feel the urge to say "you seem to believe/think/[whatever]...", step back and consider removing it.

Don't assume. Specially things that you cannot reliably know. Such as what the other people think, believe, feel; you know at most what they say, act accordingly.

Do not oversimplify things. Attention to the details is a must. In special, to levels of certainty over a statement.

Chat, debate and speak freely but without malice or bad faith. Be honest but not unkind. Never attack the other person.

If the other person is unfair, unkind it just rude .... just stop and move on. There are hundreds, thousands, millions of people to connect with online. Don't get hung up on one person that doesn't make you feel good or is unlikeable ... move on.

Some individuals just go online to fight or be disagreeable and nothing you say will ever make them happy ... sometimes what makes them happy is your unhappiness.

So when you run into someone that doesn't make you feel good online ... move on.

Look up "the ten e-cepts", they should be at the core of this.

Also, remember the human.

1. Others covered it

2. If both participants are acting in good faith then probably it is a miscommunication. Either they interpreted your statement or intent wrong, or you made an offensive remark or worded your communication rudely. Or other things that I can't think of. Understand why, respond apologetically and address the miscommunication.

3. Mostly it is on them to try to understand your point unless you didn't communicate clearly. I think the best way is to actually start with and focus on #4, understand their POV.

4. Don't think of your rebuttal right away. Focus on wanting to understand their position well enough to argue in favor of it. If something doesn't make sense, explain what you thought they meant and ask if that's right, or ask them clarifying questions but assure them you're trying to understand their viewpoint. Try to verify what they said by summarizing it in your own words and ask if your summary is accurate. When people feel understood, and feel the other person wants to understand, it reduces hostilities and encourages the other person to seek to understand your point.

5. Humor, calling out their technique (nice gish gallop), or just downvote and ignore. Take a look at the rest of the alt right playbook series on YouTube.

6. Approach with genuine curiosity, without judgement. When people share their lived experiences, don't invalidate them. Try to step back from emotional reactions and accept it as true. You can learn a ton from experiences others have that you've never had. It can give great insight if you are willing to imagine yourself experiencing what they did. It's best to shut up and listen. If you find it upsetting it may be because it challenges your view of the world. Let it. It is quite possible your view is biased by your lived experience. Always question your own views and assume you could be wrong about everything. Be willing to change your internal model of the world when you get good evidence. Think skeptically and scientifically. Use the Baloney Detection Kit.

https://www.rfc-editor.org/rfc/rfc1855