Ask Lemmy

Here in the US there is always going to be messaging telling women they need to be underweight. Having had a friend who died while anoexic and underweight (I can't be sure of the causal relationship but I'm sure malnutrition was a factor) the danger of body dysmorphia is, to me, very real.

I'd say someone's negotiation with their own body is up to themselves and their doctor, but even primary care providers in the US are freaky about weight. Are you a fat lycanthrope with cancer? Statistically your doctor is most likely to fixate on your extra girth.

As someone's girlfriend myself, I'd say acknowledge both her weight gain and the fact that she's not technically overweight (I'm assuming this based on you saying she is "not fat at all", but you can look up some local statistics in your country to see for sure). To me, it would completely mess up my ability to gauge my own size if I were lied to about having gained weight. (This has happened to me and it makes it confusing to buy clothes because I have absolutely no idea what size to try on. Pants look like they'll fit fine and then they're completely wrong in the fitting room.) So tell her that yes, she has gained weight (and that's okay).

One approach to weight gain, if she really has gotten significantly bigger, is that people can be simultaneously fat and beautiful. I won't go into detail, but you can look things up. There's a world of beautiful fat ladies out there.

Another approach is to recognize that society often tells women they have to be beautiful

but that's not true! Your girlfriend isn't here to look pretty; she's here, like everyone else on this planet, to have some fun in life. So my perspective on it is that I'm not beautiful, and that's fine because I'm not here to be easy on the eyes, I'm here to play video games and go swing dancing and learn new recipes. Similarly, my body's purpose is not to appear beautiful; my body's purpose is to carry me through day-to-day things, like dancing and eating good food and moving into a new apartment. To that end, I go to the gym just to be strong enough to do what I want to do (like lift boxes into my new apartment), not so I can look good for some other person's opinion.

It might not go over well if you were to tell her this right now when she's sensitive to it ("Hey babe, yeah, you're fat and ugly, but hey, you're ugly despite being fat, not because of it! They're two separate things! And also, it's okay you're ugly! You're clearly not here to be pretty!"). But this is a mindset that has very much helped me personally over many years, and maybe you can introduce it slowly to her and explain it in a way she will understand. You know her better than any internet stranger.

"No you aren't"

Phat like 1994!

That depends heavily on who she is, and what your relationship looks like; a lighthearted response might work best for one person, while launching into a serious discussion about body image might be best for another.

My go-to response when my wife says something bad about her body is to just respond with "You're beautiful." and leave it at that. Sometimes I throw in a "Hey, don't talk about my wife like that!" for good measure.

You ain't, but join the gym to keep it like that.

I'd say nothing, it's a statement. Doesn't require any response from me.

Would it be weird to ask if she wants to workout with you if she feels so insecure?

You are not fat, you are bulking, keep doing that

(Ronnie Coleman's voice) LIGHTWEIGHT BABY!!

Just tell her it's going to the right places. My wife gained weight during pregnancy but she's hot as hell still, that's what I tell her.

Are you solutions-oriented about it or in the feelings stage?

Remind her of how big her hugs are now.

"no, you're thicc"... then explain to her it's the most popular body type by today's beauty standards... which fluctuates and health and happiness are all that matters... and youd love her if she was a brain in a jar, but she happens to be really hot... something like that
also, get an Australian Cattle Dog... that'll force ya'll to be more active...

Dude if your GF is looking for validation and she’s not fat, your job is easy as fuck here

Making beeping noises when she backs up

Might as well ask Lemmy how to pass the Kobayashi Maru test, while you're at it.

well, just get fatter yourself

"You callin my girl fat you piece of shit?!"

Whatever you say you'll be wrong. If your answer is "You are not!" then she will blame you "You are not looking at me at all. Am i not pretty for you?" If your answer is "Yes you are!" then you are screwed. If your answer will be silence then she will do the same as the answer would be "Yes you are!" but she will add... you are a coward.

It's a trap. There is no good answer. You need to turn around and walk until you pass out. It's over.

Start singing and dancing to “Fat” by Weird Al. Bonus points if you have a few friends with you to recreate the moves in the music video.