Ask Lemmy

"I don't think so but if you want us to eat healthier and get more exercise I'm game"

Tell her the truth (as I understand it you don't think she's fat), but also ask why she's asking in the first place. Offer some support if she wants to lose some weight.

I think open and honest discussion is the best approach here because now you're jus guessing what the real issue is.

"Is that what we're gonna do today, we gonna fight?"

"Have you tried eating less than a metric fuckton of junk at every meal, ya goddamn ham planet?!"

That'll work.

You can't win this one.

“Phew! I thought you were pregnant.”

You have to rebuke her. For real. Go like this:

" Don't you dare! I love this lovely girl here. Don't you dare badmouth her or you'll have to deal with me! "

(and not a word about fat or weight or width or any outside descriptions, because this is only about self deprecation)

"Even if you have gained weight you still look beautiful. If you feel you need to lose weight let me know if there is anything I can do to help."

Well it isn't mine. I had a vasectomy.

After having some nice intimate time, during the quiet afterglow, ask her how her self esteem has been lately. Maybe she's feeling down and wants to talk about it.

Once her feelings are in the open it will be easier to feel out a solution.

My partner flat asked if I still find her as attractive as I used to. After some thought I said the following, "I don't think that's fair. You're asking me to rate someone I care about so much. I don't want to do that. I love you and just want to be there for you, with you."

Tbh, I don't know what the right answer might be for others. I'm not that wise. All I know for certain is how I feel and hoped that was enough. It was, though I am sad that I can't take her self-esteem and tear away those damn chains that hold it back from growing.

"I know a trap when I see one"

I don't know what you're talking about. Get naked and let's have a closer look.

“I want you to be happy with your body, if you need me to reassure you about how attractive you are I can, or if you want me to support you with changing your weight I can. I love you and your body”

At least that’s basically where I go as a woman with a healthy weight but body image issues for not being underweight and a wife who gained a lot of weight over the pandemic and a girlfriend who is in the “needs to lose weight for her health” range.

“It’s all in your ass tho and I’m an ass man.”

Bring that fat ass to daddy's face then!

"Hi Fat, I'm nobloat!"

Just say "you're absolutely gorgeous, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

"No, you look fucking awesome."

Start going on walks with her as a date. Cut down on the carbs with her during meals.

"I love all of you"

Ham on. Ham on. Ham on whole wheat, all right.

This is a canon event, we may not intervene.

In all truthfulness, this caused a major rift in my past relationship and I’d love to see how it panned out for others.

"Fuck I love your curves"

Or ask if they want a back rub. Gets you out of alot.

My gf has been asking me repeatedly if I think she's a cow.

I said no for about a month or so when I remembered what I'd told her not lokgn after we started dating: I'm just going to agree with anything negative you say about yourself until you stop saying it.

Responding with things like: yes, yes I do.. or: MOOOOOOO. Or: yeah, a dn sexy cow, lemme see them milkers, seems to have put a stop to it quick. Or any of the self deprecating tracks she tends to get on.

It seems to be the only thing that gets her off these weird self de}reacting spirals for some reason

She kept on asking if she looked like a Teletubby for a while so I kept saying . "Tubby custard" at weird times and it stopped.

If this sounds mean, I'm very supportive and often compliment her )looks / accomplishments and she usually laughs when it happens. It's not done with malice and we both laugh at it.

First, try to understand what's actually being said here. Sometimes I call myself fat because I'm above my target weight. But in my case my self-esteem is just fine: I'm a former gym rat who knows where I am, what I need to do to get back in shape, and that I'm still okay if I don't get there. Saying "I'm fat" is a light jab at myself and a reminder to take steps toward my goals, nothing to worry about.

If your GF is calling herself fat more hurtfully (which is sadly common) the issue is not how fat she is or isn't. That's just a symptom. The issue is whatever negative feeling is prompting her to tear herself down. Arguing with her about whether she's actually fat won't help with that, and might even do more harm than good. Maybe ask her how she's doing, remind her that you love her just the way she is.

"More cushion for the pushin'"

and

"I like 'em real thick and juicy"

have worked well for me.

Sometimes people will say something negative about themselves because they're hoping you will say something positive, instead. I used to do the same thing. Whenever I was feeling insecure about my looks or weight, I would say something negative about myself, because my husband would tell me it wasn't true and would give me compliments that would boost my self-confidence. I don't do that anymore, because it's not a very healthy way to be confident in yourself, but it certainly was effective. Do you think maybe your girlfriend is just feeling insecure about herself? I would talk to her about that to see if maybe it's something she'd like to work on in herself. You can also try to give her honest compliments on a regular basis. It's hard for a girl (or guy!) to feel unattractive if her loved one is telling her twice a day that her shirt looks good on her, or he loves her laugh, or he thinks she's pretty.

Oh me too

IT'S A TRAP! I don't have an answer. I just want to wish you the best.

"That just means you're plushy like a big ol' stuffed animal!"

Then lift her shirt up and raspberry her stomach.

Whatever you do, don't reply "not that fat"

"You sure are, P H A T! Pretty Hot and Tempting! "

Here in the US there is always going to be messaging telling women they need to be underweight. Having had a friend who died while anoexic and underweight (I can't be sure of the causal relationship but I'm sure malnutrition was a factor) the danger of body dysmorphia is, to me, very real.

I'd say someone's negotiation with their own body is up to themselves and their doctor, but even primary care providers in the US are freaky about weight. Are you a fat lycanthrope with cancer? Statistically your doctor is most likely to fixate on your extra girth.

"You are not fat, you are delicious"

Then give her some love bites!