I'm going to say "I hope we don't get off on the wrong foot" and then they're going to ask me to leave.

If the hotness is high, I will comply.

Bang them against the toe

People with foot fetish: ｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡

I’d think the bed was ugly, but I wouldn’t say a damn thing. I’d just use those big toes for leverage.

Then we are gunna do the bad thang on the good foot.

I would feel defeeted

I want to leave, but the doors are already sealed. Suddenly I hear a faint voice next to my ear: "Take off your socks"

Obviously I would look past all the positive attributes my crush has and never see them again. Following my retreat I would then begin to evaluate everyone elses taste while placing my own above them. Naturally, they would all fall short aswell and I will seclude myself entirely. Then I will become frustrated that I have no strong connections with anyone because they are beneath me and no one understands my greatness.

All because I couldn't see that that bed was funky and cool in a weird way.

Have demented sex

Why would have you a crush on Quagmire?!

I'd get real anxious about not having had time to tidy up my toenails.

First I sit at the foot of the foot bed.

apologize. not everyone's kinks are universal and feet aren't my thing, and my feet lol... sometimes they're well groomed but on average tend toward goblin toes.

I like the first pic where it's in an empty office space.

I'm frog leaping the big toes for a grand entrance.

I would just cum. We would all do it, don't lie.

If I was red foreman I’d ask if they ever shoved a foot up their ass.

I guess I'm getting a footjob, idk

Maybe discuss that it's anatomically questionable, the testosterone morphism of the toe lengths aside it also has all toes curled except for the big toe: despite having very capable feet myself I cannot do that and I'm not sure other people can.

In a word, "sploosh"

There's a song about it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-O4FzoG68g