Asklemmy

It's not about deciding your the best friend. It's about being a good friend and it happens naturally. No one owes you anything but you have to keep being a good friend. A good friend is as good as a best friend.

Someone specific, or just anybody? There are lots of people out there who have no friends, so making one friend would give you a good shot at being a best friend.

Keep in mind, friendship is not a competition, so if you're looking to edge someone out of the top spot, you're probably going about it wrong. But I don't think that's what you meant.

The best way to make a friend is to be the friend you wish you had. If you wish someone would call you, call someone. If you wish someone would go somewhere with you, go there and invite people to come along. If nobody wants to join you, maybe you'll meet someone there who shares your interests.

It's not necessary that best friends share interests, and it's perfectly acceptable to tell your best friend you aren't in the mood for whatever they are doing. But it's also good to break out of your comfort zone and try new things. Good friends challenge each other, but also support each other.

Not exactly giving a direct answer but just wanted to talk about the mindset.

I think it's different for everyone. Some people need time to before feeling comfortable to build up a close relationship. Some people can click with people quickly.

Even a more reserved person might be able to click with another person quickly given the right chemistry. Other times it might take a while.

I've also seen social butterflies who can be friends with most people but have trouble making deeper connections.

There's definitely no "best way" to be friends / best friends with someone. Usually it just happens after spending some time with together and the both of you enjoy each other's company.

I'd Just say to keep an open minded about it. People can be different and that's fine. Touch grass now and then, join some hobby classes (consistency helps), do some volunteering.

Show up. Ask them to come when you do things. No matter what they are asking you to do you show up. Make room for them in your life too, every time you have room in your car let them know it would be great if they filled that seat. After enough time spent together you will have a much better grasp of what invitations mean something to them. You will also figure out when you actually want to be alone and when you would like to have company.

People like to be acknowledged. So if you are chatting to someone and they mention there is something coming up (a date, a test, an interview for a job, etc) then next time you see them ask them how it went.

If they are into films or TV shows or books you could ask them what they are liking at the moment and if they'd recommend it. If it's of interest to you, check it out and let them know what they thought.

If someone needs help and you can spare the time then help them. They may say "I owe you one" but don't keep a track because everyone's time and availability is different and you could get bitter if you thought you were putting in way more than them. Just keep an eye out for people who might be taking advantage of your good nature.

Say "yes" more often - if someone invites you to a social occasion and you aren't sure, say "yes". Try not to make it a blanket "yes" or people might take advantage ot it could start getting out of hand (I had to stop doing it for that reason).

Listen, ask questions, don't interrupt and go "that reminds me of the time I..." then launch into a 5 minute story that ends "but I suppose you had to be there to appreciate it."

If she's a girl, just ask her out for a date

I discovered my best friend after her mom told her to make friends at school and she basically looked at me, who was alone, and went "her."

It's taken years to become as close as we have, but it's worth it. Just be yourself and the ones who will be your friends, or even chosen family, will find you, or you may find them!

Keep doing your own thing and collaborate when it makes sense. I don't talk to my best mate hugely often but when there is something we both care about (like Starfield, metal concerts) we are on it like rabid rats and discussing it. Space and respect is important.

I friend, I'm Jake. Do you have any fun projects you're working on?

I'm playing with code and AI stuff a lot lately.

Friends are a matter of taking every opportunity you have and finding people that share interests. It also comes down to needs and being useful to each other. The primary factor is simply making the efforts to connect with people.

Don’t, ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or, or where you’ve been. Ever. For any reason. Whatsoever.

Do this and you’ll be a best friend.

I think that the best way to be a better friend is a little bit at a time. Don’t try to turn yourself around completely all at once, but rather make little changes, tiny changes.

Like say you’re always 10 minutes late. Maybe try being only 8 minutes late next time. That’s what I mean by tiny changes.

Take whatever bad friend behaviors you’re aware of and whittle them down slowly. And also build the good stuff, slowly.

One little change is maybe next time you see some tight friends who are best friend with one another, take note of one specific thing one of them is doing that’s different from how you do it.

You don’t need to adopt that behavior today. You don’t need to understand it. That one day’s task is just to take note. Then another day you take 15 seconds and imagine yourself doing it. Then another day you try it out. Maybe it’s something tiny. Maybe you notice they turn toward their friend when they arrive.

I’m not being very coherent. By being a better friend, you can become people’s best friend. People are limited in how many best friends they can have, so they want to pick good friends as their best friends. So your path to being a best friend is to be a slightly better friend, then repeat that 1,000 times.

It could be as simple as when you go to sleep at night, you just say to yourself “How could I be a better friend?”

One thing to keep in mind though, is that there’s a trap of thinking being a better friend means giving more stuff, giving more attention, giving more energy. That’s not a good move. A good friend isn’t obsessed with you, doesn’t worship you, isn’t your henchman. A good friend is an enhancement to your life. A good friend might stop you from having hot sex, because the person’s in a relationship and they don’t want you embroiled in that drama.

Good friend isn’t a sycophant. A good friend is balanced and fair.

Maybe you could start asking people in real life: Who’s your best friend? Why? What do you think makes a good friend?

It’s a good thing to do. You’re doing a good thing.