Your mom!
this post was submitted on 19 Sep 2023
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Ah ya bastard
T-Rex. I mean, all I gotta do is remove one pin and the whole skeleton collapses.
Most beasts under 80 lbs. Over 80 lbs, it's gonna be on a case by case basis. 90 lb sloth, no problem. 81 lb wolf, ...problem.
The biggest animal I feel confident in is an 800 lb human. Huge, but that fucker's gonna be exhausted ten seconds into the fight.
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A blue whale. (they won't fight back b/c they don't consider me a threat, and so when they wander away I win by technicality)
If I had bear hands then probably a small bear.
A large opossum. I could probably handle something larger, but I can only handle one pet at a time and I like opossums.
Yes, I understand you're asking about the largest animal I can fight and I'm telling you that that opossum is going to become a pet if I win.
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A giant squid. It would have to be on land though (you never said we had to do it in their natural habitat).
Galapagos tortoise. That's the largest I can think of without teeth and claws, not fast, and not in water.
I mean, it's got a shell, and turles/tortoises can still bite pretty bad without teeth, consider the snapping turtle.
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I could totally take a 6-year-old human.
fuck off those things are animals
Definitely something smaller than a grasshopper.. Lost that fight a few days ago.
Sunfish.
They are enormous wastes of flesh and evolutionary effort.
Probably a fainting goat.
1 Lemmy
A blue whale, as long as we're on land.
Definitely not a cat. I have cats and he wanted to go ballistic on me when I tried to get him off the window ledge when there was another cat outside. I had to push him off with a broom or risk losing an eye even though his nails are trimmed. He's lovely otherwise, I swear.
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A gnat
My 3.4lb rabbit recently decided I am not a threat and started chilling in the middle of my walkway at night. She now takes multiple shoves to make move. So, not a bunny
(This took years of work on trust I am mostly bragging my bunny loves me)
Probably a medium sized dog, if I’m being realistic. I can’t fight a fucking bear or box a kangaroo or wrestle an alligator
You can it's just unlikely you'd win
None, I would think how bad I felt if I hurt the cute furry friend, then tried to pet them instead and get mauled.
I could probably handle a vole okay. Or maybe a tufted titmouse. On a good day.
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Anything larger than a small insect already freaks me out, so I'm going to pass on this challenge :)
How about an adolescent kangaroo?
I reckon a full grown kangaroo. Not that I think I'm stronger (or that it wouldn't fuck me up), but in a fight to the death I think I could outsmart it and outmaneouver it.
I do not think this is close to a 100% certainty though.
They're more strategic than you might think. They'll flee to water sources and try to lure in their predators. Then, when the predator follows them, they pin them down with their strong back legs.
I wouldn't try to take on an Adolescent big red. That is like trying to take on a really ripped human teenager.
I could take a wallaby though... I'm pretty sure, at least.
Quokka don't stand a chance though. Unless it kills me with cuteness first. Adorable little buggers.
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gotta get behind him, one good kick to the abdomen and your intestines will be hanging out where they don't belong.
those fuckers are strong and their claws can be deadly.
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