Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers!
this post was submitted on 16 Oct 2024
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90% of the time Euro badgers do that
10% of the time they scream "Eulalia!" and tear you limb from limb
Redwallposting
Having recently learned that they were bred specifically to hunt badgers, I wonder how a dauchshund would fare against North American badgers 🤔
I have three dachshunds. Two minis, Mary & Maizie, and a full size, Monty.
Mary we often call a little wolverine, because she can be vicious when she plays, making the most horrific noises you've ever heard out of any creature, much less someone that looks so absolutely disgustingly cute and adorable.
Her sister, Maizie, is the sweetest, kindest, shyest and nicest creature. Unless she sees a rat. Then it's terrifying. She makes no sound as she runs at full speed, and snaps it up and shakes at the speed of sound. I don't think her feet even touch the ground.
Monty is the biggest baby, he just wants to sleep and cuddle, even when he was a puppy. Unless you touch his mama. I am not allowed to hug my own mother, because he stands there and barks and howls and shoves his body between whoever's touching her and her. Lol.
If anything of them could take a badger it would Maizie, but I don't think even she could.
Also, this was originally supposed to be much shorter and more on topic, but then I had a chance to describe my dogs, and, y'know, muh babies!
Our dog is the most kind lovable 70 pound Belgian Shepard you'll ever meet.
On leash if she sees a coyote, bobcat, or mountain lion she turns into a Hollywood snarl machine. That super deep rumble.
One day a cat chased our cat back to the door. I opened it to get him inside but I unwittingly unleashed a silent tan streak. The only reason the other cat survived was it jumped off the porch and went straight up a tree. Our cat came out to gloat and our dog did the tippy taps right there under the tree.
I have the most lovable furry criminal gang.
It depends on how many dachshunds you're willing to lose.
I remember learning that after my dad told me stories about badgers near the Minnesota farm where he grew up killing dogs significantly larger than dachshunds and thinking “how the fuck does that work??”
It takes a slinky to beat a slinky
Having met dachshunds, and having met American badgers, I'm going to put my bet on "poorly"
A couple hundred years of bred instincts aren't going to save the walking hotdog from the meth bear
European badgers would defend their mountain fortress from a weasel warlord
Ugh. Searats again? Didn't we just send them packing one book ago?
Dammit is this how we got the Lion & Wardrobe and such?
That's exactly what badgers do in the stories of Beatrix Potter
Cook meth?
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American badger is a wolverine? Genuine question.
No, this is a wolverine:
It's about twice as big as an American badger.
No, this is a wolverine
No, this is a wolverine:
He's a living raging powerhouse who's bound to knock you back on your emerald posterior!
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When I was a child, I was told that hunters used to put things like twigs in their boots, so the European badger would let go, when they heard the "leg break".
Though I doubted it even then.
🍄 🍄
🐍🐍
🦡 🦡 🦡
🍄🍄
Fuck it, there is no substitute.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pzagBTcYsYQ
(if i could i would upload the original flash animation from albino black sheep)
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🐍🐍
🐍
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Wisconsinite here where the badger is native and the mascot for the University of Wisconsin is the Badger.
This meme is inaccurate.
The American Badger will also remove your kidneys and sell them on the black market as well, to support their meth habit.
I'm in new mexico and saw a badger crossing the road while I was driving to work. It stopped in the middle of the road, turned towards me and waited, like it was deciding whether or not to fuck up the large metal thing coming towards it. Then slowly turned and continued on it's way when it decided I wasn't worth it. No fear whatsoever.
The badger moniker comes from lead miners that initially settled the Wisconsin territory. They often didn't even bother building homes at first and just lived in their wildcat lead mines, like a badger.
But the American badger turns out to just want to drink a beer and talk about sports whereas the European badger, after having sat you down for some tea and buttered crumpets, reveals itself to be a racist eugenicist
TBH, “reveals itself by shivving you anyway” is probably closer to the truth with Brittons and their tea.
No dude, you're thinking of the other kind of British. I'm pretty sure their badgers are related to the homosapiens poulus aggressor, more commonly known as "football hooligans" to the locals.
Don't ask the le posh civil gentlesir Euro badger their opinion of Romani people. 
"It's not racist because it's true, they really should be exterminated."
Racisto? Europians? What an absolutely outrageous accusation. Badgers on
Australian badgers are half this size, have no teeth at all, but can project venom 50ft from a gland in their nostril. The venom is completely harmless to humans, however it soaks into the skin and causes a pheromone to be emitted from the lungs such that when you are asleep, it attracts 14 different species of deadly venomous spiders that are attracted to your airway from up to a 4km radius.
This is all true but it's missing a key detail. The Australian badger is actually completely unrelated to the European and American badgers (which are mustelids). The Australian badger is a marsupial most closely related to the Tasmanian devil.
I don't want to know if this is true or not. Nobody look it up.
Wat.
It sounds kinda based on stink badgers but they also aren't in Australia.
I'm pretty sure you made this up, so i believe it completely.
Those are the ones related to drop bears, right? I mean they've gotta be.
You had me in the first half
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Brother in law had a huge wolf dog. The kind that can put it's paws on your shoulders and look at you face to face. Massive. He got in a tussel with a badger and got tore up, took two weeks to heal. Then took off and came back with a 40 lbs badger in his mouth. Overall a 40 lbs meth badger = 150 lbs wolf dog.
I've witnessed a European badger stand up to a golden retriever much bigger than it barking and growling aggressively in its face and the badger stood its ground. I don't know if it was too scared to turn away or if it genuinely wanted to fight, but it was brave AF either way. (also I've never seen such a clean badger, but tbf most examples I see are dead on the road :/ )
If you think American badgers are bad wait till you meet the crack fox
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