LGBTQ+

I realise it's kind of unhelpful to say "labels don't matter", but... labels don't matter. Or, perhaps more precisely, they come with time.

A lot of the time, as a (presumed) cis person, you get a trans 101 that is really simplified, where genders always fit into neat boxes and everyone "just knows" which of those boxes they fit into and they care very much about being in that box. Even the non-box, being non-binary, gets made into a box. But really, gender is this whole universe of possibilities, and we each have our own. We live in societies that clump that infinite array of possibility into two, or if we're lucky, three categories, but that doesn't mean your own individual gender fits neatly into one of those categories, nor that your gender is just like that of people who ended up in the same category as you.

You have the freedom to figure out what your own gender looks like, to figure out how you do gender. That can mean experimenting with clothing, makeup, names, pronouns, whatever feels interesting to explore. You might be trans. You might be a gender non-conforming cis person. You might be a cis person who's just not particularly strongly gendered and going with the flow. But you get to define how you do gender and if you figure out that that comes with a label that's useful to you, great. If it doesn't come with a label, it's a bit tiresome, to be honest, but you've not done something wrong.

I started off this way. It felt fine, and it was just over time that I began to consider myself more "they" than "he", mostly because I didn't really know what made me feel like a "man". I'm just me, and now "he" feels like a shirt that fits but isn't my favorite.

Hoping to just add another perspective, not to give any advice because I really don't give this much thought.

I am a man, I didn't choose to be a man but I'm okay with it.

I don't have any desire to change my gender or ask others to refer to me in a specific manner. He/him/they/them works for me and unless I am in a medical setting, I doubt I would even noticed if someone used she/her.

I don't associate my choices and actions with "being a man" or whatever. The whole masculine/feminine thing doesn't make sense to me.

I wear the clothes I wear because I like the way the look and feel, it may not be typically "masculine" to wear skirts but I'm a grown ass man so I'll do what I want.

I haven't experienced gender dysphoria so I can't say anything about what it is like but it is a medical condition and if you're really concerned then maybe you should talk to your primary physician or mental health professional.

It's less "if I'm fine with both he/him and they/them that must mean I'm not cis" and more "I really dig the idea of being nonbinary/whatever non-cis identity because it resonates with how I understand my gender"

Like, you can be cis and use he/they if you want to. You get to decide what you vibe with. Try pronouns and clothes and identities on. Do a mental identity drag show. Be messy and weird and look at things upside-down and backwards on occasion. Experiment.

You're the authority on you. Nobody else knows you like you do - so try it all, then come back and let us know what you found out!

Pronouns are like hats, many can fit you but you will inevitably find one you like more than the others. There's no rush in finding yours. Feel free to try on a few and see how they fit you. Exploring yourself as a person is a life long journey and if you happen to find you are more comfortable with they/them instead of the given he/him, go for it.

This coming from an agender who just wants my pronouns to fit my appearance at the time. And thanks to being a dad-bodded construction worker, it's basically going to stick with he/him in person for most of my life.

Nothing wrong with being comfortable with they/them pronouns but still considering yourself cis. Labels are useful, but ultimately not important; you are you!

If you want to experiment a bit, go for it! Maybe there's something to explore. Maybe it solidifies that you are cis. Great! A lot of people are rigid with these things, but it doesn't have to be. Do what feels right; labels can come later, or not at all, and that is all okay :)

After reading what you've written, I want to agree with "you are cis and have aesthetic choices"? I mean that you can identify as masculine, but it's fine to prefer they/them on certain days and like nail polish and bracelets. Masculity shouldn't be thought of as being forced to be a certain way or act a certain way to qualify. Sure, some things are more associated wih masculinity, but in the end, you decide how you express yourself, and no-one else. Gender expression should be open to individual choice, same as how you define your gender identity.

Im a cis male. Watched disney movies with my wife all weekend and we sang to them. Went to see the new little mermaid. I've worn a skirt before. I've worn fingernail polish and lipstick out in public. I use he/him but they/them is completely fine with me too.

If you think you are cis... thats ok. It's ok to be cis. It's ok to be whatever you feel like. In today's age there seem to be a push to classify people into categories for the hell of it but the underlining premise of that push isnt the classification but that it is ok to be you no matter what that classification is.

This also isnt something you have to arbitrarily decide. For a lot of people their sexuality / gender identification is an ongoing thing that changes with them as the years go by.

They/them is for everyone (who wants it). Its normal to refer to binary gender people as "they/them/their."

Unless you're asking because you want a reason to believe you are not cis... that seems less cis.

We would need more details about how you feel to give you better advice. It's ok to experiment with pronouns and is not a big issue. There is a sub that I still don't see in the fediverse called transtryout where people try names/pronouns. Maybe we can help you in the comments by using they/them pronouns.

However it would be nice to open up about how are you feeling about your gender. Don't be ashamed to feel like it's a phase. It might be but it might not be, in either case, would be nice to know that some people supported you and didn't judge you over it.

I'm assuming you're a cis man, correct me if I'm wrong.

You can go by they/them and still being a man.

Pronouns sometimes have more to do with expression and aesthetic preferences than with one's particular gender.

It's also ok to sometimes or always like things that aren't masculine that doesn't deny nor contradicts your cis manhood (same applies to cis women liking things that aren't feminine or using a set of pronoun different than she/her)

You may be gender non-conforming. If you think this gender nonconformity may influence your gender, I'd suggest you to look up Genderqueer Guy/Man

Some friends I know who feel similarly just don't bring it up and set their pronouns as 'any pronouns' when asked. can't say if it'll work for you but it's an option to consider.

It's important to know that experimenting is good! Even if nothing changes in the end you'll learn more about yourself as a person. It's always worth experimenting with your gender identity just to see what makes you happy and what doesn't, no matter what anyone else thinks

There's nothing really wrong with experimenting with gender and pronouns and deciding what works for you. If it feels uncomfortable to use they/them go back to he/him. It's possible to be nonbinary but close to a man as well.

It's cool you're thinking about this! Understanding one's self is the only path to self-improvement.

I don't go out of my way to correct people, or push any particular pronouns in conversation when self-referencing (cis male). In text I'll often default to we/us as they/them is slightly more comfortable in that format. I'm certainly masculine in presentation with the beard and body type, but am comfortable in all sorts of classically feminine clothes, have done drag for plays and musicals, and think that being open to those kinds of experiences is in line with healthy masculinity. It might be good, just as a thought exercise, to think about the masc behaviors you feel don't fit and consider whether it's an unhealthy set of behaviors that's really at issue. There's no right or wrong answer there, by the way - it's just about recognizing how your internal value system is helping you to define yourself. Identity is a fluid thing, and if you can think of yourself in a way that makes you happy and comfortable the labels others use (and the ones you think they're using) don't have to matter as much.

Cis gendered gay man. I use he/she/they. 🤷‍♀️