I am very comftable with he/him pronouns. Always was but recently I noticed that while I don't go out of my way to use them I'm also fine with they/them pronouns being used on me.

It could be a phase but I'm not sure. It could also be that I tend to use they/them as an alternative in. I'm confused

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[–] GivingEuropeASpook@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I started off this way. It felt fine, and it was just over time that I began to consider myself more "they" than "he", mostly because I didn't really know what made me feel like a "man". I'm just me, and now "he" feels like a shirt that fits but isn't my favorite.

[–] Bicyclejohn@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

How do I experiment with they/them?

[–] GivingEuropeASpook@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I just started referring to myself with exclusively neutral pronouns and if friends noticed (I had a lot of queer friends in high school) I'd be like "yeah, I'm using they/them". There's also instances where you might have an opportunity to give your pronouns (a few years ago we called it "preferred pronouns" but that terminology has fallen out of favor) to a group in a school activity.

But I was fortunate to grow up in a socially progressive region and go to pride marches and events from like 13-14 onwards, so I felt safe to do it like that.

[–] Bicyclejohn@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah, sadly I don't have any queer friends. One hates pronouns and the other seems OK but I risk being outed

[–] GivingEuropeASpook@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You haven't actually mentioned out in what way - for me, I'm non binary and more or less can "pass" as a straight person even when in a relationship, if I'm with someone who'll get clocked as feminine at least.

If it's something like that for you, it can be easy to subtly shift how you present and talk about yourself. Using neutral terms for yourself without acknowledging or making a big deal about it, for example.

I also know people who were "ironic" about being gay or trans for years as a cover. Not sure if that's healthy tho

[–] Bicyclejohn@lemmy.ml 0 points 1 year ago (2 children)

This is gonna sound stupid but how does one look non binary? Guess I could use neutral terms but not sure how and where I would get opportunities to

[–] nzodd@beehaw.org 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Saw this article posted here earlier that seemed helpful, at least for me, speaking as somebody new to this whole thing: https://www.teenvogue.com/story/9-things-people-get-wrong-about-being-non-binary

[–] GivingEuropeASpook@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

It can vary. If you met me in person, you would probably assume I'm a man. I was "assigned male at birth" as it's called, grew up viewing myself as a boy, and didn't come to this understanding of myself until my 20s. I have a beard; I wear men's pants, men's shirts, and men's shoes. I will bleach my hair and dye it when I have the executive function or help, and I'll paint my nails (or my often, let my friends pant them).

That said, I did go by "he/they," since probably 16, as I grew up in a socially liberal area, it was common in high school to introduce yourself with your name and pronouns as early as 2013, and I thought "I think being referred to with neutral terms feels cool and better almost?). I am attracted to women for the most part, but I've crushed on a couple guys in my day, not to mention other "nonbinaries".

Furthermore, I've always been on the "alt" side of various subcultures and genres like Goth genres of music, science fiction, and have always felt drawn to more feminine-looking appearances of cis men, from something as simple as skinny jeans (still sold in the men's section tho) to wearing a full-length skirt. Ironically, a lot of the time, as someone in North America, to look non-binary, you dress like a European man ;).