Ask Lemmy

"Respect your elders"

Nah they're the ones who destroyed the economy giving free rein to corporations, set the planet on fire, and let cops run loose murdering and stealing as they please, fuck them

"You've got to love him -- he's your brother, after all."

Yeah, he's my brother who would get angry and destroy all my things when we were young, my brother who sexually abused my youngest sibling, my brother who launched into a homophobic rant against my mom during a time when she had cancer, a brother who cheated on and verbally and physically abused his first wife, a brother who probably drove my nephew to suicide.

No, fuck him. I don't love him, and I never will.

“Walk it off”

— coach

No, my torn ligaments need to rest and heal, asshole, not to endure further trauma. Get me some ice!

"If you were just more positive you'd not be complaining about being depressed all the time".

And/or

"Have you tried just being happy for once?"

Hard work always pays off.

"Calm down."

Anything regarding loyalty to an employer or insurance company

YOLO

It's like a mantra for bad decision making. But it should really be used the opposite way. Like... I better put my seat belt on because YOLO.

"Undercover Cops have to tell you if they're a cop," or other variations I remember hearing all throughout high school.

Somehow though, organized crime hasn't figured out this one simple trick to ferreting out undercover cops in their midst, just ask them.

Also: "Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die."

"Don't believe everything you read on the internet"

• Benjamin Franklin

Burn your garbage. Burning garbage makes smoke that goes up into the sky and becomes stars.

If I pick up something that is too heavy my uterus will fall out.

if you ask a police officer for a piece of candy then legally they have to give you one

If something bad happens, just try to forget it. You'll feel better!

"Snitches get stitches."

How do you expect conflict resolution to work?

"Count your blessings."

Useless fucking platitude that's synonymous with "You aren't the person who is absolutely the worst off, so being upset with your lot is inappropriate."

See also "At least you have your health."

Don't try to bullshit me, I'm a bullshit artist.

I think a lot of people here misread 'favorite' as 'least favorite'

If you cut the ground prong off and flip the plug upside down, it runs backwards.

"Your ____ hurts? Stub your toe then you won't notice it as much."