this post was submitted on 15 Nov 2023

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370

Senior Citizen Sex (lemmy.zip)

submitted 11 months ago by balderdash9@lemmy.zip to c/lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world

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[–] AllonzeeLV@lemmy.world 84 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (6 children)

Never tried heroin.

If, by some unfortunate circumstances, I survive to 70, I am doing ALL the heroin!

Why continue to play it safe? So I can eat watered down jello, observe my faculties and senses diminish day by day, and piss my pants for another 10-20 years until I expire like spoiled produce with Matlock playing in the background?

Too many people living and working for a possible retirement that may or may not come are going to be disappointed that all they slaved and sacrificed for was to be a worn out husk sitting in a chair too far into decomposition to start living 65 years in.

My work has taken me to countless retirement communities at every socio-economic level, from wards of the state who signed away their social security, to the wealthy family members that the 1% throws away to die. The only differences are in the food and the common area decor, and some cheap tapestries don't change the reality. There are a lot of courteous smiles, but absolutely zero happiness to be found in any of them in my experience.

I call working with the intent to make it to that literal shitshow planning for failure.

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 18 points 11 months ago (1 children)

You are not accounting for your changing appetite and priorities though. Willing to bet heroine sounds much less appealing then than now. Maybe stop holding back so much and just do a little heroin now?

Also, check out the 99PI podcast on the Model Village - it might give you some hope for better options, but I'm not too excited as our species and especially my country are pretty good bout fucking these kinda things up.

[–] RootBeerGuy@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 11 months ago

Do a little heroin now, as a treat!

[–] Kecessa@sh.itjust.works 16 points 11 months ago (2 children)

70? People these days are still in good shape at 70, I don't know what age you are but by the time you reach 70 you'll probably be today's 60 years old! I don't think we've got that many users on here that are over 60!

[–] Duranie@midwest.social 11 points 11 months ago

I work in hospice and have seen patients (and family members) 90+ who I could have mistaken for late 60s - early 70s. I also recently met a patient's wife who was 20 years younger than him, but was in worse shape and looked his age (82) if not older. Genetics and life experience are wild.

[–] knacht1@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I'm here! (65)

[–] Obi@sopuli.xyz 3 points 11 months ago

Nice to have you here!

[–] Spaghetti_Hitchens@kbin.social 12 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I believe that everyone should smoke, drink, and enjoy the occasional hard drug- just start when you're 75 or 80. Fucking party on the way out.

[–] herr@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

Spoken like a true 20 year old who has no concept of what health at 75 looks like. The alcohol hangovers will last multiple days, you might have a lung condition that prevents you from smoking, your circulation will massively shit the bed off stimulants (think racing heart, cold sweats, feeling weak, anxiety) and opioids... well, opioids might be mostly okay except for the constipation I guess. Withdrawals might incapacitate you for months though.

[–] Meowoem@sh.itjust.works 1 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Yeah, that's why I mostly took my retirement in my twenties and thirties when you can enjoy it. In my forties I'm having to work to pay back the debts and survive and stuff but that's made bearable by the knowledge of drugs which I gained early in life. If I somehow accidentally make it close to sixty I want to have enough credit score that I can start borrowing again, I'll be able to do it a lot more illegally this time and enjoy my twilight days until one of the gangs I owe vast sums to catches up to me and organizes a burial at sea.

[–] TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee -1 points 11 months ago

constipation, infection, mentally absent, stopping breathing, the crippling pain of withdrawals....

arrogant póster above

[–] AllonzeeLV@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

What it gonna do, kill you?

[–] Smokeydope@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

Forget heroin do a heroic dose of shrooms

[–] GrammatonCleric@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago

If this was a religion, I'd be asking for the collection plate.

[–] TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee 2 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Hi, I treat people with SUDs and many of them are in their 60s, some older. Nothing ruins lives like heroin. Nothing. People just want to enjoy their final years with family but addiction rips them away. People lose limbs to heroin. People lose minds.

How about instead you just say you wanna kill yourself at 70? Say it with your fucking chest and stop glorifying poison.

[–] AllonzeeLV@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Of all the things to get clean for in life, your own funeral.

Humans are odd.

[–] TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee 0 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Stay clean, not "get" clean. Recovery is a circuitous path.

[–] sneezymrmilo@lemmy.world 29 points 11 months ago (1 children)

My God this post is vile 🤣

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Grandma deserves a healthy and natural double fisting too

[–] NoSpiritAnimal@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago

This took a turn sharper than grans lower intestine

[–] Copythis@lemmy.world 27 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Seriously.

I have to go into nursing homes all the time. The ladies at them are the thirstiest women I've ever met.

....but ya know, a hole is a hole 🤷

[–] TopRamenBinLaden@sh.itjust.works 22 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I ain't into old ladies but a Werther's original is a Werther's original.

[–] Copythis@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

That's where they get practice 😉

And don't get me started on when they remove the dentures!

[–] Deiv@lemmy.ca 8 points 11 months ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–] OutlierBlue@lemmy.ca 18 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Just curious here, but why did you guys see the title "Senior Citizen Sex" and still decide to click the link?

On second though, I don't want to know.

[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 6 points 11 months ago

They are all members of the Lemon Party.

[–] db2@sopuli.xyz 15 points 11 months ago (3 children)

I think you might have some issues, op.

[–] Endorkend@kbin.social 32 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Not really.

Look up some STD transmission stats for retirement communities. It's a real issue.

[–] starbreaker@kbin.social 13 points 11 months ago (2 children)

The real issue is the absolutely pathetic state of sex ed in the US. A lot of these people probably grew up thinking that "safe sex" meant doing it when she isn't ovulating and somehow never learned any better despite living through the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s.

[–] Endorkend@kbin.social 9 points 11 months ago

There's also that people that age don't give a fuck anymore, they just fuck.

[–] IHeartBadCode@kbin.social 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Man, what’s heart breaking is congenital syphilis. A disease that’s passed to an infant at birth. In 2012, it was almost gone from the US.

In 2021 it has surged by 201% nationally and quadruple digit percentage in some States.

And given the antibiotic resistance that’s quickly building up, we may never be able to get rid of it now without some new advancement.

And the vast majority of the surge has been due to people either not being able to have a prenatal screening or not wanting it.

It is one of the most depressing defeats. Especially considering the damage the disease does to the child brain and heart. It’s just an unspeakable L humanity has had to take on this.

[–] starbreaker@kbin.social 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I agree with you, but I don't think you can blame congenital syphilis on nursing home residents unless it's male residents banging female nurses young enough to be fertile.

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 1 points 11 months ago

If this is happening, I am slightly less depressed about becoming old. Not the syphilis part - fyi, that is depressing.

[–] starbreaker@kbin.social 18 points 11 months ago

OP's not wrong, though. Inmates of boomer gulags are old, not dead. They're gonna fuck unless you keep 'em in solitary confinement 24/7.

[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 points 11 months ago

At least my fair share lol

[–] TheBlue22@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Excuse me?

[–] Mr_Blott@lemmy.world 28 points 11 months ago

My granddad once said to me, "It's really humid today"

To which I replied "Aye tell me something I don't know!"

He said, "Err......ok. I can fit my whole fist up your gran's arse"

[–] dipshit@lemmy.world 12 points 11 months ago

Grannie can get it

[–] PeePantsMcgee@lemm.ee 10 points 11 months ago

I just sent this to my mother-in-law AND father-in-law

[–] banneryear1868@lemmy.world 8 points 11 months ago

Used to deliver medication to an air force vet at a nice retirement residence, would knock on the door and hear a woman go "teehee just a minute" and there'd be like two ladies on the couch in his living room space. Guy was living the dream lol

[–] recapitated@lemmy.world 8 points 11 months ago

Downloaded and scheduled text to my child for 35 years from now.

[–] pomodoro_longbreak@sh.itjust.works 4 points 11 months ago

It's actually mostly hand stuff.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago

As someone in their 40s with a teenager, I'm looking forward to my 50s when it's possible I might get to have sex again. Because they don't have a bedtime.