Casual Conversation

But your 30s are supposed to be easier.

No, they're not. People tend to stop being complete morons and graduate to halfwits around that age, but nothing's supposed to be.

Yeah, but it's easier when you start where I did. I grew up in a dirty, dangerous shack with parents who resented my existence. Things didn't get good until quite recently (I'm 34) but they have always gotten better. Abandoning my whole life and leaving my family behind sucked. It hurt, and it was hard. But it was better than living as an abused adult. Hiding isolated in a shithole town where nobody would ever come to know or appreciate me sucked. It was many dark years of self destruction and loathing and putting myself in increasing danger. But it was a safe isolation within which I could make sense of my position and right myself, start to understand and make myself. Being driven out of that town when a combination of social and personal changes made it incredibly dangerous for me to be there sucked. It was terrifying. Two years later, I'm still fighting with the default hypervigilance that period in my life reignited. To this day a severe altercation can put me back in "there's definitely a wolf in this room" mode, but my life is at its best point so far. I'm finally living a contiguous, singular life as one real person. My split timeline has collapsed in both directions. I have real friends who know and care about me. Today I am depressed, but overall I've never felt or looked better in my life. I'm a high performance individual. I started my life at a severe disadvantage, but I've been moving faster than my peers since I escaped the people and places of my truama. Now I've surpassed many of them.

Fight for improvement every day. Learn to see what matters and abandon what doesn't. Put yourself first. Attend and nurture your ego. Learn what you need to be happy. Build your life towards those things. It must be like gulping a hot iron ball which you can neither swallow nor spit out.

No.

Every year is getting shorter, and I never seem to find the time. All my plans either come to naught, or are half pages of scribbled lines.

I'm 38, btw.

Kid easy. Teen hard. Early twenties easy. Late twenties hard. Early thirties hard. Late thirties easy. Nothing is supposed to be anything. Nothing stays the same. If you can't fix your situation you can adjust your goals.

I'm sorry your life has been so rough for you. And like someone below already wrote, you're not alone even if I'm just some random internet stranger. ( Thelsim, nice to meet you, maybe a little less of a stranger now )

I'm in my early forties now and had my share of ups and downs. At my mid-twenties I was at my lowest point, depressed, completely listless. I didn't have the energy to do anything to change my life. I got stressed out so much that I just buried my head in the sand and waited for fate to just end it for me in one way or another. In the end I got lucky and my mother managed to get through to me. I got some more lucky and managed to land a job that I was actually good in and which helped me grow confidence in myself.
It was a combination of luck and a hard push to do something that improved things in life for me. I wish I could say that it's possible for everyone, but I don't want to sound like some kind of self-help book. The one thing I can say is that gaining self-confidence matters a lot, it will shine through in all aspects of your life. Find something about yourself you can feel proud of, a skill, achievement, or just an impact you leave on other people's life. A sense of self-worth has been a lifesaver for me.
As for things getting easier when you're older. In a material sense, if you're on a decent career path, yea I guess. But in a psychological sense? Not really, I can still be massively insecure and am often searching for validation. Imposter's syndrome will always haunt me. The only difference is that I know myself better and can stop a little faster when I'm heading in the wrong direction.

Anyway, that's just my life. It pales in comparison to the hardships you and others have endured. But I still wanted to share my experience and I hope it helps a little.

I'm 40 and my life has been steadily going downhill since my early teens. I had a fairly normal childhood with some drama (parents divorced at 6 etc) but nothing extreme.

In my teens I began getting heavily bullied with caused me to retract socially. My grades were okay but nothing special. I got into a college and got a journalism degree. Did a month stint in a psych ward for suicidal tendencies during that time.

I spent most of my 20's and 30's keeping my head down and working menial service jobs since, despite having a degree, I couldn't find a job in the field.

Today I'm still working menial service jobs. My health and finances are in tatters. I have no friends or social life outside of work, and at work I am "popular" only because I'm the idiot everyone can throw under the bus or be sure to switch shifts with because the spineless bastard never says no.

I am so tired. I just want to sleep. For as long as possible. In fact this is how I spend most of my actual free time after chores & work are done. I just get into bed & sleep. Either I dream something bad or good, which is interesting or entertaining either way, or I don't dream and am caught in sweet oblivion, a glimpse of nonexistence.

Yes. My 30s were probably the best time of my life. I was pretty lost at your age as well, had just been laid off from a good job for the second time through no fault of my own, was struggling to pay a mortgage that I eventually ended up letting go to foreclosure.

In my 30s, I kind of found myself. I met the best group of friends I've ever had in my life. I was finally physically healthy enough to do a ton of shit, working, partying, traveling.

Now, in my late 40s, things have gotten better and worse. I'm WAY more secure psychologically. The last fuck I had to give about what other people think about my appearance and my personal preferences is long gone. I have no fear remaining. I finally have a career I love (went back to college at age 38). The foreclosure lapsed and I bought another house that I love. Physically I struggle. At some point I developed something like Long Covid, but before Covid existed. With treatment I'm able to work and care for my house, but not do as many things as I feel like I "should" be able to do, which is disappointing at my age.

But overall, yes, my life has gotten much better with age.

My childhood was a bit difficult, but very fun, but my teen years were hard.

After about 23 everything just got better and better for me, emotionally, financially, career-wise, everything.

Then in my mid 30s I was struck down by an illness that takes most aspects of your life away and throws you back into poverty. So that has been really hard, losing my career, ability to work or socialize, etc.

Life isn't what it's "supposed to" be for many of us. It's a random lottery of birth and health and events.

Yes. Like is harder but definitely better. It sounds like you're in a positive feedback loop. Only you can change your life. I suggest you focus on helping others somehow to break the loop. Feed the homeless. Volunteer for habitat for humanity. Anything. There are many volunteer boards on the internet. Your life will not get better until you take action to accomplish some goal for someone else's benefit and then do another after and so on.

Yes, it has. (23yrs)

And i say it after surviving 2 suicide attempts.

Life can be real hard.

But when you consistently plan out objectives mid term, fullfill said objectives and have a proper support group, life does get better.

It's gone up and down. I'd give anything to go back to being younger, but that's just because my Dad died and I miss him. Otherwise though, I'm doing relatively well. Making more money than I think my parents ever made, got three great kids, an ok job, and an ok house, so I guess I have all the "traditionally" successful things going for me, but there's always flare-ups here and there of in-the-moment disasters that make me wish I was someone else. If anything, it feels like many of the people around me are the ones with issues, I myself am a relatively boring person who doesn't really need much to make me happy, it's just dealing with all the BS from other people. Unfortunately, just cutting myself off or cutting them loose isn't really an option, so... I just keep going.

Just know we're here if you ever need anything.

As for me, I've learned to navigate it better, but it has more or less stayed the same.

Nope. Spent 30 years working crazy hours since my early 20s with nothing to show but a beaten up body and a permanent state of stress and anxiety. I did the "right thing" and went to a well regarded university, etc. I hope things work out for you though.

Sure has! Music and other art media keep getting better. I'm achieving the American Dream of land ownership, a family, and meaningful work. What I lose in health, both physical and mental, I'm making up in richness of experience. Everything has so much more context than when I was young.

I've gotten to be a better human in that I'm smarter and more capable and have healed some old wounds, and am reasonably good at my work, but my life circumstances remain about as shitty as always. There's really no problem I have that money couldn't solve.

Bless you OP, I hope for better things for you.

I wasn't a bad person in my 20s, but I was stupid and thought I was smart. There's a lot to learn that you learn after a few years as an adult: you learn what's important, and what's just a waste of time. As you get older, you have fewer and fewer fucks to spare for the waste of time stuff.

My life is way better. But mental health is a never ending journey. I'll always be one bad day away from death.

We're all going to die sometime. Just trying to keep that number chugging along for as long as I can. I'll be dead soon enough. Whether that's next week or next century, it's still soon enough. No need to rush it.

Thirteen years ago, I was 25 and working two dead end retail jobs. I got back into school and made a move across the country to finish my bachelor's. It was one of the scariest things I've done: to move somewhere where I had no social safety net.

Since then I've dealt with all-nighters, heartbreak, warrants, promotions, a couple weird relationships, my own inner demons, and more than a few car accidents.

But today, I'm in a stable relationship with someone I love, I have good friends that I can call to help bury a body, my family loves me at my own pace (boundaries are important), and I'm doing some good for my community.

I still have a long way to go to get what I want, but I'm grateful for how far I've come and what I've learned along the way. And I think that's the crux of your 30's, to be able to remember what the past was like, but still look forward to what's yet to come and what you plan for yourself.

Keep going, homie. You got this.

DM me if you want a mentor.

Things have generally gotten better for me over time. My childhood and adolescence were pretty rough and I’ve felt better since I’ve had more control and autonomy. I’ve also gotten treatment for depression which made a huge difference in my life. There are still low points. Right now I’m feeling down because work is overwhelming, but I’ll get through it.

It sounds like you’re at a point where you could use some help getting past the suicidal ideation. That’s a very dangerous mental and emotional state. You mentioned therapy. Do you still have a therapist? Can you have a very open and frank discussion about what you posted here? If not, are there other resources available where you live? Things can get better and you deserve to have an enjoyable and fulfilling life. I sincerely hope you get support to help you through these rough times so you can build the kind of life that you want and have hope for the future.

I might be too young for these kind of threads, but yes. I was really depressed during my teenage years but since I've started college I've been feeling and doing better. I'm currently in my early twenties and starting to feel like a human again.

I may have less friends now than when I browsed Twitter 24/7 but now I have met some core people I can trust, which is to mee better than a lot of casual people I barely talk to

Part of me feels like it's because due to college I've started meeting people with the same interests as me. I am no longer having suicidal thoughts every day and I start to look at the world as a bit more of a beautiful place.

Yes and no