this post was submitted on 02 Oct 2023
43 points (93.9% liked)

Programmer Humor

32070 readers
549 users here now

Post funny things about programming here! (Or just rant about your favourite programming language.)

Rules:

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Hi guys, I know this is kind of an odd request, but I need your help.

I just got invited to a Halloween Party by good friends and I'm really not big on the costume stuff. I usually just wear a piece of paper around my neck with some sort of "joke" on it.

So there will be a lot of programmers and computer scientists at this party and that's where I need you guys help. I need ideas for cheesy Programmer Humor kind of oneliner jokes I can easily fit on a normal piece of paper.

I'm kinda looking for stuff recognisable by most, but too niche for me to come up with it myself.

I have none to superficial understanding of programming languages, but I really don't need an explanation of the joke. If sb asks, I'll just come up with something.

I hope you guys can help me out with that.

all 33 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] zcd@lemmy.ca 42 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Your paper: “Ask me about watercooling”

Your accessory: water spray bottle

When anyone asks you about watercooling give them a little spritz

[–] PeWu@lemmy.ml 2 points 11 months ago

That's funny, good one!

[–] dingus@lemmy.ml 30 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

You could always just go as "End User" which is just a name tag and introduce yourself by quoting Taylor Swift (like the average end user):

"It's me. Hi, I'm the problem, it's me."

Sly reference to PEBCAK.

[–] SzethFriendOfNimi@lemmy.world 21 points 11 months ago (1 children)

If you want to put a little effort into it.

  1. Put on a T-shirt backwards with the name tag on the back saying “end user”

  2. Wear sunglasses you drop down when somebody notes it and ask “hey… why’d you turn off my pc?”

  3. Have a wallet with a bunch of printed out “ad” cards (blurred and heavily pixelated NSFW, 1000th customer, free phone, antivirus warning, etc. so you can show them all the important things you’ve been offered and “saved”

Bonus points for tapping them and commenting that it’s their fault for your stuff not working.

  1. Different colored laces and when somebody notes it insist that they’re the same and you definitely didn’t replace the company issued hardware with a cheap knockoff you bought from previously mentioned “adware”
[–] saplyng@kbin.social 6 points 11 months ago

I just got off work and you're here bringing me back writing ptsd for that party of programmers

[–] alignedchaos@sh.itjust.works 21 points 11 months ago

Nametag that says “GitHub CoPilot” and if anyone asks you to “help them with their code” answer like you’re Clippy from MS Word

[–] zero_gravitas@aussie.zone 15 points 11 months ago

Go as the Blue Screen of Death: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_screen_of_death

Now that's spooky! 🟦😱

Wear all blue clothes, and get a copy of the screen printed (not on your home printer) to wear on your chest.

[–] CloverSi@lemmy.comfysnug.space 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Error 404: Costume Not Found is a classic.

[–] PhlubbaDubba@lemm.ee 3 points 11 months ago

Disappointed this isn't the top response

It's the old but gold option

[–] RagnarokOnline@reddthat.com 12 points 11 months ago (1 children)

You could print out your PGP public key. Niche AF, but if I saw this person at a party I’d high five them.

[–] QuazarOmega@lemy.lol 20 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] RagnarokOnline@reddthat.com 4 points 11 months ago

Underrated comment

[–] greaterthanstupid@dmv.social 11 points 11 months ago (1 children)

pipe output to dev/null and dont speak all night

[–] dingus@lemmy.ml 9 points 11 months ago

Alternately, pipe output to "Notepad" and speak by writing your thoughts on a notepad all night.

[–] calabast@lemm.ee 11 points 11 months ago

What's a ghost's favorite data type? a BOOlean!

[–] Ethanol@pawb.social 10 points 11 months ago

What do you call a group of 8 Hobbits?
A Hobbyte!

old pun by now but I still love it :P

[–] runner_g@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

"ITs secret weapon:" Picture of power button

Or

While True{
    give_booze("*");
}

*Include your favorite drink here

[–] dingus@lemmy.ml 3 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Might be fun to rig the power button so if someone presses it, that song from the Transformers animated movie starts playing...

"You've got the touch. You've got the power! Yeah!"

[–] ironhydroxide@partizle.com 2 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

If NotDrunk: GiveBooze("*") Else: GiveBooze("water")

Edit:Formatting is jumbled. Can't be arsed to fix it

[–] n00b001@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago

Warning: water turned into wine. This functionality is deprecated and may not be your intention. It will be removed in the year 50AD update .

[–] Maven@lemmy.sdf.org 8 points 11 months ago

Wear a facemask with 255.255.255.0 and/or /24 sharpied on it and if anyone asks, tell them you're complying with mask mandates

[–] bassdruminphonebox@beehaw.org 6 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

How about two pieces of paper (based on a t shirt I saw once)... paper on your front, with < BODY >, and second piece of paper with < /BODY > on your back. Made me laugh when I saw it :)

Edit: the tags keep being deleted... perhaps it is readable now...

[–] Lettuceeatlettuce@lemmy.ml 6 points 11 months ago (2 children)

if CanReadThis = true { TooClose = true }

Feel free to make it look like proper code lol, I don't know how to program :P

[–] mifan@feddit.dk 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Most programming languages uses = to copy a value into whatever whatever you put on the left side. You did it with TooClose, which you set to true.

But when you compare values as you do with the if statement, you need another operator, otherwise CanReadThis will be set to true and the if statement will always run (or syntax error), making it unnecessary.

Compare operators are typically == and/or === and some languages uses their own like ‘eq’ or other exciting ways.

Languages and compilers works in different ways, but your program could look like this. (When comparing a Boolean you don’t need the operator, you can just write the variable since it’s either true or false)

If (CanReadThis) { TooClose = true; }

[–] Lettuceeatlettuce@lemmy.ml 2 points 11 months ago

Lol ty for the help!

[–] slampisko@czech-lemmy.eu 5 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Decided to write it in python for brevity.

if you.can_read_this():
    you.is_too_close = True 

though if you know what you're doing, you'd be more likely to do something like

you.is_too_close = you.can_read_this()
[–] Lettuceeatlettuce@lemmy.ml 1 points 11 months ago
[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

In case of twitter (x) boss appearing: Emergency printout of last 30 days code:

print("Hello world!");

/* I'm so fired... */

[–] Knusper@feddit.de 4 points 11 months ago
[–] itsathursday@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago

Depending on your VCS of choice you could write “⛔️Change Requested” which strikes fear in all developers as another round of feedback and review is needed on your pull request.

[–] dark_stang@beehaw.org 3 points 11 months ago

If you want something scary, go with a shirt that's a stack trace about an error on line 9376.

If you want something funny, look at deranged as possible with a shirt that says "stakeholder" or "end user".

[–] thirteene@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

"I wish I was 127.0.0.1" sounds perfect for the situation

~"Select shirt from closet where clean == true"

"Select finger from hand where index=3" if you are cheeky

"+1 cold resistance, +1 style, +1 armor" if it's a gaming group

"418" with a picture of a teapot, fringe but it's the unique http error code