this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2023
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Office happy hours, client dinners and other after-hours work gatherings lose their luster as more people feel the pull of home

Patience for after-hours work socializing is wearing thin.

After an initial burst of postpandemic happy hours, rubber chicken dinners and mandatory office merriment, many employees are adopting a stricter 5:01-and-I’m-done attitude to their work schedules. More U.S. workers say they’re trying to draw thicker lines between work and the rest of life, and that often means clocking out and eschewing invites to socialize with co-workers. Corporate event planners say they’re already facing pushback for fall activities and any work-related functions that take place on weekends.

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[–] Num10ck@lemmy.world 95 points 1 year ago

good. nobody is getting promoted or extra benefits this year anyway.

[–] dystop@lemmy.world 90 points 1 year ago

Companies when trying to get workers to bond: "We're a family, we take care of each other!"

Companies when workers ask for cost-of-living increases: "No, not like that"

[–] cantstopthesignal@sh.itjust.works 58 points 1 year ago (14 children)

Also wages are shit compared to inflation. I don't know how anyone can afford to eat out and have drinks unless they are killing it.

[–] rockSlayer@lemmy.world 31 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Wsj is owned by Murdoch. We aren't supposed to find reasons for this phenomenon, just a "hey that's weird, I wonder why ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯"

[–] cantstopthesignal@sh.itjust.works 17 points 1 year ago (2 children)

It's millennials fault for not buying stuff.

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[–] Hackerman_uwu@lemmy.world 50 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

Eh I don’t mind a schmooze.

More than once a month? No. Weekends? No. Mandatory? Hell no, but I think that a bit of camaraderie goes a long, long way when dealing with iffy clients or just generally.

I don’t think work is “family” but it should definitely be a team. That’s just good for everyone. Raising a pint every so often definitely helps that along.

[–] Screwthehole@lemmy.world 39 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Our office I'm actually going to give them props for this - they do these events during work hours. Summer bbq? Close office 4 hrs early and it's free drinks and food for everyone. Annual golf event? Tuesday at noon, you can work or you can golf, your call.

Granted I'm too busy to partake for the most part but I'm not a clock puncher, and if I was, I'd appreciate the effort.

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[–] MirthfulAlembic@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I agree, though it depends on the activity. Going for drinks is shitty on coworkers who don't drink. Going for BBQ is shitty on coworkers who are vegan/vegetarian. You can't please everyone, but I think it's very possible to at least not exclude anyone.

I worked at a place where everyone came in a bit early on Fridays for free bagels. It was nice to shoot the shit, and most people left a bit early in the afternoon to offset the earlier arrival. Maybe we lost a little productivity. However, everyone knew everyone in that office.

[–] FlightyPenguin@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I appreciate you. I'm a teetotaling vegetarian. I usually manage to figure something out (and I try not to impose or be a killjoy), but it's easier when colleagues are looking out for you.

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[–] pensivepangolin@lemmy.world 46 points 1 year ago

So let me get this right….

It’s newsworthy that people don’t want to hang around their office and/or coworkers after work? People who get ally have seen the last few years shred their savings, who face continuous increases in the cost of living, and in America, no meaningful social protections, and very little vacation or freedom with their time and agency….don’t want to spend more time at their office?

Shocking, I say! Harrumph harrumph I’ve dropped my manacle, I’m so angry.

[–] jumperalex@lemmy.world 41 points 1 year ago (5 children)

ITT: I don't want to ever socialize with my co-workers Also: How do you make friends as an adult?

Look I'm not a huge fan of forced socialization myself. I HATE small talk. I'm looking for the door before I have the first drink in my hand at "networking events". But I also know one of the biggest opportunities I have to meet new people as an adult is at at work. So I choose the situation carefully to make sure it's one I'm comfortable with and I give it a go. I've made a few lasting friends, people I play soccer with, people I invite over my house, people who my other friends got tight with, and over all growing my social group. A number of them don't even work for the same company anymore, or in my immediate office at least.

I'm not saying to do anything you don't want to do, and forced fun can suck, but if you DO want to meet people in life and make friends, don't force-limit your opportunities to interact with new people. Pick, or even suggest!, the situation that works for you.

[–] ramble81@lemm.ee 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Unless you have a hobby where you interact with people outside of work, your co-workers are your friends that you make as an adult. Some people I'm good friends with started as co-workers because I got to know them, we move on in different directions and stay in touch.

You will only ever make friends from pooled social gatherings (whether hobby, online, etc.), the most common one available for adults with the least effort are other co-workers.

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[–] CarlsIII@kbin.social 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I tried making friends when my coworkers when I started my job and learned I have very little in common with any of them. It’s not like I didn’t try. Now that I know we can’t be friends, I don’t want to spend any more time with them than I have to. Is that so hard to understand?

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[–] CriticalMiss@lemmy.world 40 points 1 year ago (2 children)

God I hate these events. My company took a stance where it gives every team $100 per head that expire at the end of every second quarter and life couldn’t be better. We’re a small team of 5 people so we just use the money to occasionally feast or buy every team member a PS5 in order and we couldn’t be happier that our HR isn’t forcing us to attend company events.

If you’re in position of power please promote something similar, your employees will thank you

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[–] Fraylor@lemm.ee 40 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Honestly we need to move back towards making friends in our communities and not our workplace. I don't know how it happened but the way we've managed to only have friends from work while not knowing the name of our neighbor should never have been the norm. Of course this works out perfect for the nolifers who always get the promotions, and the bosses who need their asses kissed to function.

[–] Natanael@slrpnk.net 28 points 1 year ago (7 children)

Because "3rd places" have been hollowed out, especially non monetized ones, there's fewer places to just meet people

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[–] jj4211@lemmy.world 38 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Always hated this expectation.

Particularly outrageous scenario 20 years ago, I was just getting started and was basically a limited hour part time employee making a bit more than minimum wage, but the office culture was dominated by people well into six figure salary. So they would act all shocked when us lowly folks would tend to decline when they said everyone needed to go to a $100 a plate for an after-work dinner (of course the company wouldn't pay for any of this, but who doesn't have the spare money to piss away $100 for a plate of food with colleagues every couple of weeks?)

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[–] Potatos_are_not_friends@lemmy.world 34 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Honestly I never did this in the past 20 years of work. Maybe a few office parties outside of work hours. But the whole "Have your boss or subordinate over for dinner" BS was never my thing.

TBH I truly think it was a boomer invention that died in the 80s, because nobody I know ever did anything like this willingly.

[–] KevonLooney@lemm.ee 20 points 1 year ago

This is about happy hours and networking events. Lots of people did that.

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[–] eran_morad@lemmy.world 31 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Fuck work. They gotta bribe me to be there, I’m putting in minimal time and effort. Fuck all that bullshit.

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[–] scytale@lemm.ee 30 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Mandatory office happy hours or team dinners should be paid time. If not, events should be held during work day hours.

[–] Nougat@kbin.social 19 points 1 year ago

NLRB would likely agree. If your employer compels you to be present, they need to pay you.

My work does a decent job of doing the event during working hours or at the very least starting within work hours. So a work event starts at 3PM, people can bail at 5PM or stay longer if they want.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 29 points 1 year ago (4 children)

I don't really even want to talk to my co-workers during work hours. It's not that I dislike them, it's just that I don't care. I'm not interested in making friends, I am there to get paid. Just let me get my shit over with and let me go home. Thankfully, my work allows me to wear noise-cancelling earbuds the entire time I'm in the office unless someone can't contact me over Slack for some reason.

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[–] datelmd5sum@lemmy.world 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] solstice@lemmy.world 25 points 1 year ago

I hate bars, like really really hate them. I don't understand how to behave there. Everyone else seems to innately know how to be appropriately inappropriate, just the right level of rowdy. I like lounges, and the occasional club. But I never got the hang of bar social etiquette. So I CERTAINLY don't want to add the extra layer of complexity by putting my colleagues and bosses right the fuck there next to me. It's just awful for me and I know I'm not the only one. Especially since I cut out 99% of my drinking. Fuck that, I just want to go home.

[–] crimsdings@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Ah yes I can decide between spending time with my wife and children or hanging out with coworker talking about work I've just been in for 8 hours. What a hard choice

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[–] lingh0e@lemmy.film 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I am happy with my job. I am paid a fair wage for the work I do. I am given a ton of leeway with arriving late/leaving early to accommodate my kids and their various goings on. All in all, it's a great arrangement.

I am still out the door at the very minute my shift ends. Not a second later.

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[–] Werbert@lemmy.world 20 points 1 year ago (6 children)

You doing 1 minute overtime? Why?

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[–] obinice@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago (7 children)

Lustre, not luster. But I digress, I wish I had a better social connection with office colleagues, but yeah, everyone has to travel long distances to get home and they all have families and other responsibilities, it's impossible to socialise unfortunately.

Even when it is possible, usually colleagues are a disparate bunch with wildly different interests and personalities, and probably wouldn't make great friends anyway, as nice and professional as they all are at the office.

It's very depressing and lonely, but yeah. It seems like the older you get, the more impossible it is to make a friend.

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[–] TheMusicalFruit@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] StarChip@kbin.cafe 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I like my coworkers but work already doesn't leave me enough time at home for projects and hobbies and relaxing. No way I am spending extra time away after work.

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[–] Furbag@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

On one hand, I'm a bit bummed out that my generally positive workplace culture has all but completely evaporated in the wake of the pandemic and nobody wants to even come in to the office anymore, let alone mingle or hang out after work. I genuinely enjoyed the company of a few of my co-workers and even though I was definitely a 5:01-and-done kind of guy, I would still make an effort to be friends with the ones that I liked outside of a professional setting.

On the other hand, I absolutely cannot blame anybody for not wanting to put in the social effort. For a long time I was a "fuck it, it's quittin' time, I'm out of here!" person and I would blow out of the office after flatly rejecting my co-workers requests to hang after work because I just didn't like to socialize that much back then, and I would resent people who were pushy about going out for drinks or staying out really late at night. Despite the fact that I do enjoy doing those things now that I'm older, I don't want to be "that guy" to anyone else, and I refrain from judging anybody for declining to socialize after work. Maybe they are introverted and shy? Maybe they don't want to catch COVID? Maybe they have a kid to go home to? Maybe they just don't like my company and they want to go home and read a book or something? Whatever it is, it's none of my business, so more power to those people.

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[–] Powerpoint@lemmy.ca 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

These events are a way for the employer to get free labour out of their employees as you'll most likely be talking about your similar interest which is work.

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[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Nobody wants to spend time with the kind of people who don't want to go home after work.

We all know the type with their overly loud laughing at the bosses jokes.

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[–] Dkarma@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago

No one has time. I got shit to do, errands to run. Kids to pick up 39 min ago.

[–] CheeseToastie@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago

My workplace has a no alcohol policy so there is no such thing as after work beers

[–] terminhell@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Hang with people I barely know on a personal level after work? Why would I do that? I've got another full-time job waiting for me: Life/parent. I barely have time for my own family, let alone a work 'family'.

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[–] adaveinthelife@lemmy.ca 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)

The only people staying after work for any reason, be it social or overtime, are the parents avoiding their kids. They make everyone else look bad, but it's them who should be shamed.

[–] Rusky_900@reddthat.com 16 points 1 year ago

Yeah, I think the fact that fathers are in general far more involved in child care has had a massive effect.

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This is factually wrong. You just made a tremendously broad statement with no backing that's trivially proven untrue.

I used to socialize after work and neither me nor the majority had children.

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[–] codybrumfield@kbin.social 11 points 1 year ago

I like how everyone they interview for this is someone no one really wants to hang out with. They sound nice but come on. If a fat dude who wears an LSU jersey to work every Friday is ever like, “I’m gonna be cooking some shit up in the park next Wednesday after work. Got a keg. Come on by on your way home.” we’d all go get a plate.

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