Asklemmy

Put your handheld valuables or nice trinkets away anytime a friend is bringing over someone you don’t know. I miss my PSP :(

Don't smoke cigarettes ever.

Slow down at that blind corner in October 1989.

Don't take the shortcut to downtown in July 1994.

Don't lift that giant tube tv by yourself in May 2005.

Never stop exercising, playing guitar, writing, and painting/multimedia art.

Buy Bitcoin! Sell in November 2021!

You're a girl mfer 🥲

Keep hiding when you hear him come. It’ll get better. You’ll leave and he’ll die, alone. She loves you but must deal with her own issues which are related to being his wife. Hang in there.

You ain't straight.

YOU. ARE. A. GIRL!

Don't sell your Gameboy. You'll regret it within a week.

TW child abuse

Both your mum and dad are using you to hurt each other. The stuff they tell you, the way they hit you and scream at you, all that is wrong. It's not your fault, and I love you because despite all the evil they unleashed on you, you grow up to be a sensitive, caring, loving human being.

You have autism. You are not broken, or lazy. You spend your time daydreaming because the real world is incredibly shitty to you. Next time you see a doctor, ask them to speak to them alone, and ask them to get you the help you need.

None of those children are your friends. They're nasty bullies and you don't need their approval.

Your life gets better. Find this girl in America and be her penpal. Meet up, she's your soulmate. Tell her everything you know to help her heal, and she'll help you in return.

Memorize these dates and use them to make fucktons of money. Use your billions to plant trees. Plant as many trees as possible, as early as possible.

See you in 40 years. Sincerely, you.

Edited to add:

This is a hug, your parents never hug you and you need to be comforted. They've never told you they love you, and that's incredibly important to do every day.

It's ok to cry, don't shut that part of you off to stop the bullying.

Don't get on a motorcycle like your dad wants, you don't have good hand eye coordination or good eyesight, and the accident you get into leads to lifelong chronic pain.

You are not ugly, and it's ok to be weird! Celebrate your uniqueness!

Instead of sitting outside a locked house for hours after school, go to the library and read, you're allowed to do that.

That teacher is a pervert, don't be their friend just because they talk to you.

Spend more time with your aunts and grandmother, they love you and can help you feel normal.

Your mum lies to you about a lot of stuff, she's very damaged and taking it out on you because you arrived a month after her 16th birthday. She was r***d by your dad and made to stay with him, none of that is your fault or burden to bear.

Your brother is an annoying little shit, just walk away from him. He grows up into a nasty fascistic asshole who blames everyone else for his failures. Including you. Do not ever get involved with anything he does, especially to do with computers

You have way too much put on you for such a young person. Read these books for ways to withstand it all. I wish I could travel back in time and adopt you.

No.

But, uh... I have a ROM of Sonic 2 where you can play as Sonic Tails AND Knuckles, all at the same freaking time.

Wanna play it?

You're not lazy, you're not stupid, and you're not a loser. You just have ADHD, and once you figure that out things will get much, much easier. Hang in there.

Mine Bitcoin when it comes out because they actually will become valuable in the future.

Defend yourself. If he tries to touch you, make a fuss. Also, you're gay.

Choose the other school, like the smart guy did.

1. Do not let Mom ever have brain surgery.
2. Make grandma see a different doctor. The current one is clueless.
3. Bust Dad for smoking in secret and force him to stop. You know how it can be done.
4. Idea of Mom and Dad getting a divorce is a scary one, but it probably would make their and your life a lot better.
5. Start jogging daily. You'll never like it, but you need to do it to.
6. Ask her out when you're 15. She likes you too.
7. Start taking guitar and piano lessons. Turns out you have musical talent, you just haven't realized it yet.
8. No, I won't tell you how to get rich. You'd fuck your life up royally with unlimited money.

It's not your fault. Tell someone. You'll survive.

Pay the fuck attention in school you little shit

Tell dad about everything going on. Don't stop telling him. He's the one who will help you get away from the bad stuff that's about to start, and keep it from getting worse. Things will still hurt, but not as much. He can help you through the confusion.

And he won't hate you for feelings you're already having. He'll help it make sense, help you find the words you keep looking for.

Call your dad more often.

Hey! It’s ok that you feel like a girl trapped in a boys body! Mom and Dad won’t really like it, but they will eventually come around. You can do this!

Appreciate your brother. You've only got a few more years with him.

Yes, I'm going to tell you about the 4-5 girls, that were/will be interested in you but you were/will be to dumb to notice. Stay calm, be yourself and take a little initiative. It'll be alright!

You're gonna end up almost dying at around... 16 yrs? Do not go through that target training course.

Oh, and you're Ace & Genderfluid, have fun!

So you love watching anti-pride protests on YT, right? Actually you love cocks too. You're bi haha cope kiddo does fortnite dances.

Don’t do drugs. Ever.

If you are being pressured by your peers, change them. There are other peers out there who will value your decision.

It's okay to be alone. There will be people later who will enjoy your presence, but if you're only comfortable alone that's okay. As long as you try every once in a while.

Ask an older relative to invest a couple hundred dollars for you, in both Apple and Microsoft, not to be touched for at least 2 decades.

Be less Christian to be more Christ-Like.

Being gay is not something you're stuck with, it's who you are and you have every right to celebrate it.

You're very clever. Don't use your cleverness to manipulate or do harm.

You will find love.

ACAB

There's a smallish coffee company up in Seattle called Starbucks. Invest early and often. And while you're up there be sure to catch a Mother Lovebone show, but don't get too attached to Andy Wood.

Keep a low profile and you'll be fine. Just don't take parenting/relationship advice from your parents.

Also: School stuff really is freaking easy if you'd put in just a little bit of real effort.

And skip that girl you meeed when you are 17. She's trouble.

I love you.

You have ADHD

Admitting you are wrong is the first step towards being less wrong

You are not that smart, you are just a guy with glasses that can't fight and makes sentences that are way too long

Be sure to be doubtful

Take time to be a player of your own life, not just a spectator.

Your dad is a piece of shit. Find a mentor before your too old and you have to figure it all out by yourself.

Dad dies when you're 23. Mom is mentally ill, don't ruin yourself trying to save her. Buy bitcoin!

Get your thyroid checked out. Turns out major depressive disorder can be brought on by hypothyroidism. Who knew?

You think being a Jehovah's Witness is bad? Pro tip, move in with dad but don't be his friend. Don't fall for any kind of "modeling" scam he pulls on you.

You've got some fucked up shit heading your way kiddo, can't really do anything about it though so I guess just git gud and toughen up? Also, avoid alcohol, it doesn't help and will eventually kill you.

Eh forget about that man. Despite sharing his name, he’s not even your real biological father. Family is about more than genetics.

Tell her you love her. You won't be harmed, even if she doesn't feel the same.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT sell that mini NES. You. Will. Regret. It.

You will miss your family, lose your friends, and your home will be taken from you.

Tighten the nuts on your bike every so often pal.

God isn't real

Buy Bitcoin ASAP and have a prepping plan

Your family doesn't care for you