Asklemmy

“Better an empty house, than a bad tenant” after every loud fart.

When my grandmother met my now wife, who is from Alabama, my grandmother told her “well, we all have to be from somewhere”

"You don't have to shovel rain." - My grandfather when asked why he moved the family from Wisconsin to Oregon.

"How are you ever gonna keep a job if you can't keep juice in a cup?!"

I was 9 years old

My grandmother used to say: if you expect your good deed to be reciprocated, you’re not actually doing a good deed.

She said it in dutch, so I hope it’s an decent translation.

My grandma would say "he can put his boots at the foot of my bed." My grandma had the hots for lots of younger country singers.

I don't know about 'iconic' but I once heard my grandpa say "I'd eat 5 feet of her shit just to see where it came from." and that mental scar will probably stay with me the rest of my life.

From my grandmother: "Essen! Essen!" (Eat! Eat!) Followed quickly by "You need to lose weight! You're getting fat!"

‘Whits fur ye will no’ go past ye’ - what’s for you will not go past you

My wee Scottish granny had some real wisdom.

‘No point in worrying about somethin cos if it happens ye suffer twice!’

When he was talking about turning 100: "I can't see, and I can't hear, but I can still eat so I'm not going to die."

He did indeed make it to 100.

Friend's grandfather used to say...

The hurrier I go the behinder I get.

My grandpa had a million one liners, most were somewhat inappropriate but here's a fun one. He'd say, "Did anyone get hurt in that wreck?" To any of my friends that drove over. When they inevitably asked "what wreck?" He'd say, "the one you pulled up in." This was devastating to the ones who were super proud of their cars. Lol

It's not so much a catch phrase, but words that I will always remember.

My grandmother was a WWII vet who came home and vowed to be a pacifist. She raised 7 kids before going back to school. She was at Kent State in 1970, working on her masters degree. She happened to be on the commons when bullets started flying.

She died ~2002. When we were cleaning out her belongings we came across a brown stained handkerchief in a plastic bag along with some news clippings. The clippings were her letter to the editor of the Akron Beacon Journal describing her experience on May 4th. The hanky had a little handwritten note that said "this is the blood of Allison Krause. Shed for many. May 4th, 1970".

My grandmother was an amazing woman who did so many great things after the war. You could easily write a movie about her accomplishments. But out of everything she did, the words on that little note made the biggest impact on who I would grow to be.

Here's a little write up about the hankerchief/clippings.

"Who just shit my pants?"

When he wanted to remind us to turn off lights, he'd yell "save electrodes!"

When he was splitting wood with the "kabunger" (splitting maul) he'd yell "katabuungie!" When he swung.

When he'd drop wood on his toe he'd yell "GOTDAMMITSONOFABITCHGRAAH"

A blind man would be happy to see that. (About a task completed poorly on a jobsite)

In response to someone saying "oh my god" every single time, without fail:

"Well he's my god too!"

Two that I often quote:

Into each life, a little rain must fall. (almost always delivered sarcastically)

And:

Well, people in hell want ice water.

I loved that woman. Wish I would have known her better.

"There's not enough blue to make a cat a pair of pants!"

From my southern grandmother, when she'd spot a break in the clouds on an overcast day

My grandpa whenever we scraped our knee or something: "You'll grow new bark"

“You may have descended from monkeys but not me” from my grandma. She was a stubborn woman who had a hard time adjusting to the idea of evolution. I’m mostly atheist but I still get a kick out of this one

"Never fear the sea, fear the storm."

"Getting old's not for pussies" - my Grandma

All my grandparents passed when I was young and I didn't know them well. However, my uncle quotes his father quite a bit. General advice "Never do anything you wouldn't want to read about in the paper." Whenever he offers you something, or is jokingly telling you why you shouldn't do something "It will make your babies come out naked and screaming" Also my mom's side of the family has a common last name and my grandfather stated that if we met another person that shared our last name that we could accept them as family if they were "reasonably dressed, moderately sober, and not asking for money"

When doing stuff, my grandfather would sometimes say:

"Even small things help", said the fly, and she pissed into the sea.

Always made me laugh.

"who is she? The cats mother?"

If you ever refer to my grandmother as "she" or "her" she will cut you off to say that.

My grandfather would say “Is your daddy a glassmaker?” And when we’d inevitably say no, “Then get from in front the tv!” Meaning we were in his way, as children tend to be lol. Me and husband use this all the time with each other.

Oh man... this takes me back.

My grandpa used to always say to us kids, "I'm going to go upstairs to have sex with your grandmother".

My grandpa was german. In german, jetztwhich in english would be pronounced something like “yetst”, means “now”. His whole life he would use “yet” in place of where an english-native speaker would say “now”, and i always thought that was adorable.

When my 89 yo grandma accidentally farts she says "oops I stepped on a duck."

From my grandma (who got it from her father):

"Of course the story is true, it just didn't happen"

Essentially, the story is more important than the actual event.

When I die, just stick a ham bone up me ass and let the dogs carry me away.

"You make a better door than you do a window." ...Anytime we got in front of the TV.

My Pop, whenever he was asked where something was: "It's in Annie's room, behind the clock." There was no Annie in our family, nor a bedroom with a clock you could put things behind.

Also my Pop whenever asked what something was: "It's a wig-wam for a goose's bridle."

These may not be iconic to anyone else, but they are sure as hell iconic in family lore, and us grand-kids are making sure we pass it down as much as we can.

My maternal grandfather said "By Jove" a lot.

My paternal grandfather had a lot of sayings: "here's me head, me arse is coming", "she walks with a bit of a run", etc - typing them out a lot had to do with the way people walked. There are more though.

Some grandparents say "goodbye", my grandparents always departed with "Don't take any wooden nickels!"

"How'd you seem to be this morning?"

My mother’s requests for us to calm down escalated over the years: “Cool your jets” “Don’t get your underwear in a wad” “Don’t get caught in your zipper”

My great grandma would say: "There's nothing bad which would not result in something good."

“I’ve raised enough kids, I’m not raising grandkids too”

And that’s the story of how I never had a relationship with my grandparents

My grandfather: "Life is hard only for those who are soft."

"Tables are for glasses, not asses."
~ My grandpa, whenever someone sat on a table.

Whenever I got hurt, my grandmother would say "It'll get better before you're married!" I use that to this day with my nieces and nephews, who are not amused.

i've heard my appalachian dialect speaking grandmother use the word "quit" in the like 1700's british sense of "to leave." that, and she used to say that she was going to do something "directly" like "we're going to the store, directly." such archaic speech patterns.

the word "appalachia" is pronounced "app uh latch uh" btw