Asklemmy

I witnessed two cases of bullying when I went to school and I still regret that I did not side with the victims but stayed out of it :(

We really need to teach children self-defense

Yes, but that by itself doesn't end bullying, because bullying isn't just physical assault. I've been through it myself for three years, during a time where bullying was juuuuuuust starting to come to the public discourse, but not taken seriously enough.

Of course there was physical assault involved, but also in a lot of other ways, like mean comments and gossips, being excluded from everything related to your colleagues, humiliation in many ways as well, like mean nicknames and making fun of the things you like or pulling pranks.

And also it usually isn't an individual thing, it also depends a lot on the other people around the victim "looking the other way", which happened a lot with me, with the point of other classmates acting as an alibi for the bullies and trying to gaslight me.

There's not a lot that can be done about those if there isn't an actual effort from the school.

Yes until 8th grade. Self defense isn't really the problem. I could defend myself physically just fine. That doesn't resolve the social dynamics of bullying. Although I guess it doesn't hurt to know.

I was, and then in grade 5 I shot up to 6'3 and suddenly all the asshole bullies wanted to be my friend. Nerds had my back when I was short and so to this day, nerds are generally who I feel far more comfortable around. I was on a few sports teams in high school as well as college, and I can't say I ever felt a close bond with 95% of my teammates because they just embraced the bully lifestyle and it was so lame. Always loved sitting at the nerd table at lunch and feeling comfortable, instead of sitting at the jocks table and feeling like I always had to put on a front. Of that 5%, I would say that was entirely comprised of BIPOC.

As an adult, I try to make a point of calling out bullies. i.e. When I see a 6'0 guy making fun of a shorter guy's height, I'll gladly point out that height isn't something we've worked towards and earned so it's pretty embarrassing to act superior for something we had no role in achieving. I'll ask them if they feel inferior because they're shorter than me, and I think at that point most guys realize what a stupid thing it is to brag about height and mock others for being short.

Another thing that I really hate is poverty-shaming. I was extremely lucky to grow up with parents who did pretty well, but I'd say half of my friends came from low-income families that dealt with all kinds of horrific experiences. Growing up with my friends and being a part of their families really left a lifelong impression on me and I think the take home message I really try to explain to people who are poverty-shaming is that these are real people with real lives-- they're not some abstract class of people, they're real people who are members of our community and if anything, their plight should be the shame of privileged people. We berate the nazis for incinerating disabled people, but what do we do to vulnerable members of our communities? We offer them meaningless nonsense (i.e. monthly disability that isn't even remotely close enough to pay rent +food that involves clawbacks if a person starts to work and earn "too much"), and then turn a blind eye as these people wither as a result of this system's outrageous cruelty. Now we tout medically assisted dying as a good thing, when in reality it seems to me it's being used almost entirely by low-income people who cannot afford proper treatment, which is beyond fucked up. I'm not against the concept of medically assisted dying but I damn sure am when the person choosing death is doing so because they can't afford rent/food/meds.

I know I'm rambling, but at the same time I know what space I'm in and I do feel a lot more comfortable about just writing how I feel without having to worry about being scrutinized.

Edit: I didn't see the "this is why we need to teach children self-defense..." part of OP's submission.

On that point, I think the focal point needs to be on teaching children not to bully by explaining to them why bullying is wrong. Teaching children self-defense won't at all solve the main issue. Half the reason I enjoy being tall isn't because it's advantageous in fighting, I enjoy it because merely being tall prevents a lot of physical confrontations from happening. I've been in a lot of fights before but the thing people forget is that a) fights don't magically resolve conflict, especially not in the long term and b) in most fights, both parties walk away with physical and emotional trauma that could have been avoided in favor of a better resolution. This is a big reason why I'm wary of people who would rather solve a conflict with a gun than words, as if taking a person's life is not a massively traumatic thing for everyone involved.

I think far too often people jump to violence to stop bullying, be it verbal or physical. But there's a difference between restraining someone violent and needlessly beating them into a pulp. Similarly, teaching self-defense needs to be done with extreme care in terms of explaining the difference between legitimate self-defense, and illegitimate self defense (i.e. escalating a situation then beating someone into a pulp or shooting them).

People also need to realize that for marginalized people, defending ourselves often comes with the automatic perception that we did something to deserve being bullied/assaulted. So again I think it makes more sense to do as much as possible to foster a culture that doesn't glorify violence/bullying and thoroughly educates people on why it's so wrong.

I was yeah. I went through high school without being bullied even though I was left out, and I felt proud for never having been bullied. But in community college I was severly bullied and I am 100% sure I got some trauma from it

I was bullied, but never physical. If I ever attack them back in physical way/punch, they would get physical too. Most are just insults in front of other people and making other people hate me.

A bit. I didn't care. But it's an important thing that we need to eradicate, it can be a terrible thing for a lot of people.

Btw as someone mentioned earlier; it's not lol about physical defense (for example I know martial arts and I'm was pretty capable of defending myself physically) but in a lot of cases bulling is not physical.

I was in primary school, but not as much in secondary. In secondary it was verbal abuse/manipulation.

My definition of bullying I am using is the simple name calling you normally get like "dweeb" or "pea brain" etc.

Hi you bullied in school, I'm dad.

But seriously, not really. There was this one year where this kid was terrorizing me, and I got community service for battery after I spilled water on him and then hit him with the metal water bottle .

i was kind of a bully in some cases. not surpising given that i was raised with british (european) colonial ideologies

No, or at least not to any real extent that I noticed. I was maybe a little oblivious in k-12, so maybe some passed me by? I was also consistently one of the taller students, at the top of my class (but didn't gloat about it), had a decent size group of friends, and was overall pretty friendly. Because I didn't really have a target on my back, my experience may well have been different than other students.

I've heard from long time teachers that they've noticed a trend over their career of students becoming more accepting towards each other, particularly towards students who are "different" in some obvious way. While that's anecdotal, it's also pretty consistent from multiple sources.

Not really. I wasnt "cool" but I was decent at sports. In hindsight I wish I was a better friend to some people

I don't remember school

Yeah I had a little dick