this post was submitted on 05 Jan 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] dumbass@leminal.space 2 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago)
[–] Malfeasant@lemm.ee 18 points 1 day ago

Wallace. Bet he's seen some shit.

[–] troglodytis@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago

All of the above. Let's party!

[–] Whateley@lemm.ee 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Shiloh because I fuck with anyone down with Gary Numan.

[–] zxqwas@lemmy.world 23 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Hannah, because in a few months she won't be just engaged so she will turn less annoying.

Also Wallace. I generally don't mind old people. Maybe I'm getting old myself but stay off my lawn!

[–] Wogi@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Plot twist, her fiancee refuses to commit to a date and she will be engaged for years, constantly planning a wedding that will never come. Growing more and more frustrated and vocal about her upcoming wedding.

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[–] hydrospanner@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

Same picks for the same reasons.

... although I'm less proud to admit that I read it as "Known Father" the first time, didn't catch it until I came to the comments, and he still didn't make the top 2.

I just kinda figured that "Known Father" meant he was always talking about his kids and experiences with parenthood, and that was enough to eliminate him.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago

Kinda wanna have Susan in your corner, tbf.

[–] JoeKrogan@lemmy.world 20 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] BranBucket@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Wallace. Wallace probably doesn't give a fuck anymore, and once you gain his trust, is going to say some hilarious shit as a result.

[–] JoeKrogan@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Thats it, he knows the company doesn't give a fuck and hes just waiting it out. Also I bet he has some stories or wisdom to bestow.

[–] nomous@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Yeah Wallace is solid, he's just running out the clock at this point. Bring in some snacks and treat him like a human and he'll do anything he can to help you.

[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 day ago

me too, i like the way women smell…

[–] Trilobite@lemm.ee 9 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Lewis for sure we can have competitions

[–] Cypher@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

The only rule; first to shit themselves loses

[–] Trilobite@lemm.ee 4 points 1 day ago

No way the first to shit themselves wins

[–] Malfeasant@lemm.ee 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I've been there. My opponent ended up kneeling before me and admitting defeat.

[–] Trilobite@lemm.ee 4 points 1 day ago

I think he was half way gassed out not kneeling

[–] DragonsInARoom@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

Jacksepticeye

[–] ieatpwns@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Wes4Humanity@lemm.ee 5 points 1 day ago

This is the correct answer... As long as there's no patchouli in it... That shit smells awful

[–] random_character_a@lemmy.world 21 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (3 children)

I've had Hannah, Caleb, Wallace and Susan.

  • Hannah is annoying at first, but it will blow over.

  • Caleb will talk about sports and that will be all he talks about. You can tune him out, but he will learn to hate you, because you don't value his feats of manliness.

  • Wallace is ok at first, but becomes really tiresome. His worldview is from 1920s, blatantly racist and doesn't realize it, judges you constantly according to some stereotype that is based on some guy he knew 100 years ago and gives you occasional corrective sermons that make no sense, because they are for that guy he once knew.

  • Susan appears to be ok, but is a psycho. Will try to manipulate you and delegate stuff to you, even though doesn't even work in for the same department. Everything is a thing that will be decisive to your career and soon marks you down as a looser, because you don't listen to her. Will leave the company, because everyone is a looser.

Edit: so anyone in the top four. Office already stinks and on music is allowed.

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[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 5 points 1 day ago

I'll take Hannah, Shiloh, Caleb or Wallace, and some noise canceling headphones.

[–] LandedGentry@lemmy.zip 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 11 hours ago)

sdklf;gjkl;dsgjkl;dsgjkl;dsgsjkl;g

[–] 4oreman@lemy.lol 6 points 1 day ago

definitely not susan

Radio head it is then

[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 14 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Because judging people on prejudice is what we like doing. It's innate, but also a bit harmful towards those that don't fit the mold.

Also a lot of love for Wallace. That may also be why we favor older people in elections. I don't think that's a good thing.

I know it's a shit post, but I felt like doing a Debby downer in here. Disregard if it spoils your fun.

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[–] FMT99@lemmy.world 203 points 2 days ago (8 children)

Absolutely Wallace. He looks like he prefers to work in dead silence - thumbs up.

[–] I_Has_A_Hat@lemmy.world 74 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Gotta be careful with that. I shared an office with an old guy once and had to bring headphones. We wouldn't talk, but he would constantly make old man noises. Coughs, grunts, snorts, etc. If I didn't block them out, they would drive me crazy like nails on a chalkboard. That said, the guy himself was really cool and I loved working with him otherwise.

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[–] Jumpingspiderman@lemmy.world 36 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Wallace. In a heartbeat. Cause if someday he doesn’t have one, I’ve got my own office!

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[–] wolfpack86@lemmy.world 85 points 2 days ago (12 children)

The answer is Wallace. Every old dude with a desk near me has been a solid guy who shuts the fuck up and always makes coffee before I get in.

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[–] lengau@midwest.social 19 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'd be fine with several of these.

Brice: I've never understood people's distaste for that smell. I won't microwave tuna in an office because I know others don't like it, but it wouldn't bother me.

Wallace: probably has some great stories, but also likely wants to shut up and get things done. Great combination if handled correctly.

Shiloh: hey, you can play anything on your headphones, I'm cool with that. But if you want to play stuff on speaker it's only fair that we play 50/50. (My secret: I could totally do up to 75% Radiohead)

Dayzie: again, not a smell that tends to bother me.

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[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 42 points 2 days ago

Wallace.

Dude just wants to shut up and work, make it to retirement. You could probably engage him about his grandkids or his fishing trip if you wanted.

All the rest of them are gonna want to bother you with their problems or hobbies.

[–] MehBlah@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Tough crowd. I would go with the farter. Everyone farts.

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[–] tino@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

I wear all-natural deodorant too. It's microwaved-tuna flavoured.

[–] lurklurk@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago (3 children)

I used to sit next to someone like Hannah in an open plan office. She was lovely. Really happy and excited for her future.

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[–] klemptor@startrek.website 34 points 2 days ago (6 children)
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Lewis or Wallace. or both, so I can have fun hearing them fight

[–] devilish666@lemmy.world 67 points 2 days ago (3 children)
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