Not my note.
It's so easy to rip people down. Pump someone's tires. It means way more than you can imagine.
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this post was submitted on 02 Jan 2025
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The stranger:
That was my first thought, but then I remembered the tiny campgrounds I've stayed at. Now I'm imagining this guy only like 7-8 feet away from the family
We do deep woods camping where gear has to be hiked in and out so this would be creepy as fuck, nosleep material.
I think I would remember this for 5 years if it happened to me, which means I should do it to others
Make sure you confuse them though, give notes calling old grannies great fathers and fathers letters about the joy of child birth.
Yes, many don't know this but you can give out appreciation and compliment for free.
Absolutely. And I'd remember it forever.
I once had someone tell me on discord that they stopped cutting themselves because of me just being nice to them, when they had trouble making any friends. I'll never forget that.
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I've personally lost all sense of masculinity. There's no positive feature I would think men should have and women not, or vice versa.
To me gender norms feel weird and toxic, except there are folk in our trans community that get a lot out of representing as their gender.
But telling people they rock is a good thing I think. 2025 is expected to a lot of bad days.
No yelling,
Kids behaved,
Didn’t see you hit your wife (even once)!
The bar is set hilariously low, and a lot of people still don't make it.
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I would have that shit framed
Nah, got to use wax, and stick it to something like a 40k purity seal
In the crisp brightness of the forest campground, there are only supportive neighbors.
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Maybe it's generational I don't know. I'm a 47 year old dude I don't need strangers validation to know I'm a good dad and frankly that level of assumed eavesdropping and then feeling a need to announce that regardless of it being a positive message is just, fucking weird and off-putting.
Compliments are hard to take for some, and it sounds like you find it patronizing and creepy. This is for this very reason that I was really hesitant as a woman to compliment men, I'm more or less the same generation.
One time late at night, I had no makeup on and was very frumpy, going to buy a six pack at 7eleven. There, a gorgeous gigantic drag queen told me "Giiiiiiirl, look at your faaaace, you're so gorgeous". It was so so so cool and made me feel like a queen. So from then on I thought fuck it, I don't get compliments often and when I do, it makes my day. So now I do whenever I am sincerely impressed or enjoy something.
To be very fair there’s a difference between giving a compliment to your face directly and writing a letter with specific details that could come off a bit creepy.
“Hey nice hair! You’re rocking it!” - said to your face as someone walks past.
Is different to what’s in OP.
As a guy, I appreciate compliments.
There's a lot of us who do, so please don't stop. We receive them so infrequently that it's reassuring and nice to hear if we're doing something well or not from someone else.
No man is an island, and those that want to be tend to be assholes.
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At some campgrounds you can't not hear your neighbors. I understand there's a social expectation of pretending privacy but surely this is just a wholesome gesture?
Why?
Seriously, it seems like a genuinely nice note. No harm was done and everything that was said was validating and positive. It didn't need to be said, but that just makes it all the more special. That guy going out of his way to give that validation when it obviously wasn't necessary just shows that he isn't just being a good dad. His parenting is at a quality at that at least one other dad admires. He doesn't need to be told that, but I'm glad he was.
I suppose I don't understand your perspective. If you know you're a good dad then getting validation on top of that is just good, right? If it's obvious you don't need it and someone else is still compelled to tell you then you must be doing an even better job than you thought!
It's good you don't need validation. In fact it's a great level of confidence in your ability. So if someone validates that confidence. That's good? It's not needed, but it's still good.
Or at least that was my takeaway, I was curious about yours.
ETA: I had a thought... What would your opinion be if the feedback was negative? What if he was aggressive and mean? Not loud, or drawing attention, just a dickhead to his kids and family.
I'm not looking for any particular answer here, I'm just curious if your opinion would change at all.
If you've ever been camping at RV parks, there is limited privacy and especially if you have kids, if two campsites are next to each other outside, they are absolutely going to be listening in on each other, because there's not much else to do.
Also same with watching people pull in to their spot. As someone who regularly RV camps, everyone watches everyone pull in and also pack up to see how efficient they can do it vs themselves. It's like a pasttime, especially if you get lucky and catch someone who has to try 10+ times to line up the RV correctly, because you know they just rented a bunch of equipment and don't really understand how to use any of it.
TL;DR; it feels like you're complaining about someone being thoughtful and wanting to pay it forward at an RV park by telling someone else, one father to another, that they're doing a good job at life. Guys don't get positive reinforcement a lot, so I bet this meant the world to the father who received the note.
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the weird part to me is writing such a long note and putting it on the car.
if it was delivered in person (and then there's still a lot that could make it weird), or the note was just "hey man, couldn't help but notice you seem to be a great parent, props from a fellow camper", i'd be more comfortable with it.
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That is awesome.
And in answer to the question in the title: Yes. Yes it is. Toxic masculinity has never been about man=bad or anything. It's about finding better ways of being masculine. That's what it was always supposed to be.
Good men are real; I've met many of them. It isn't some impossible ideal, but a process of self improvement that anyone can jump on.
Is it OK to 💩 on men in the meantime? (I’m a man who’s usually fine with it.)
e.g. IDK, “men are predators” or something - really broad brush stuff that has an origin in accuracy, but is a majorly broad brush all the same. I’ve wondered if we don’t need to be more careful with those statements, as heartfelt as they may be.
So long as it's measured self depreciation, it's probably fine. If you want a women centered version of this, see @femcelmemes@lemmy.blahaj.zone
Ah maybe not self deprecation, like maybe you see a story about a rapist and comment
FUCK MEN! Teach your boys not to rape
I guess complaining about white people can be the same thing. Special rules for criticizing oppressors; you’d only hear complaints from right wing folks.
RE: femcelmemes: thanks, had never browsed the community itself before - tame stuff overall :)
I try to keep it positive there, as I've seen similar communities turn into spiraling pits of self hatred. Making fun of weakness is productive, but feeling ashamed is not.
💪
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Long before I was a dad, I once told a dad I saw in a retail store "you're a great dad!" after being in an adjacent aisle and hearing him interact with his kid. He was clearly offput by the input. That was the only thing I said to him; hopefully it had a net positive impact.
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