Asklemmy

Shut the fuck up about the woes with your ex. You're meant to move on and seek new people. Your ex should be old news, out of sight and out of mind. No new potential date should have to hear you crying about your bad marriage, about how things were once good between you and the other person. Because that's you not letting go, regardless of what you've been through.

And if you keep droning on about your past relationships, you are chopping down what interest there is between you and the new person. That's why you don't get anyone new.

Don't try to explain the fediverse

Unless your goal is to just get laid, don’t pretend to be anybody but who you are. If your date isn’t happy hanging out with your real self, there’s no future in that relationship.

Guys: Fascinate her with a wheel of cheese.

I heard that Carbon14 was an efficient solution

Talking to women is the same as talking to men. Treat them like people

They don't owe you anything. Not sex, not a kiss, not a hug, not a second date, not even a smile. If the date goes well, you will get some or even all of those but if you try to force them, you will get nothing. Sure it can be disappointing if you put in a lot of effort and get nothing back but you will have to live with that. Sometimes people just aren't compatible and sometimes a date just goes wrong because of a weird coincidence.

Be nice, even if the date doesn't go as you wanted. Open communication goes a long way and chances are that the person you're talking to is just as insecure as you are. Explain (not accuse) why you don't think this situation will work out. If you're lucky, you can turn the conversation around. If not, at least you're ending the date in a civil way. That also (and especially) applies to talking on online dating platforms. Sometimes you can tell just from a conversation that things won't go anywhere. Way too many people just drop the conversation and move on which can feel pretty rude. Be nice, explain what's up, give them a friendly goodbye and then move on.

Those rules apply to both sides. You don't owe them anything either, especially if they get rude. You should still try to be friendly in case there is a misunderstanding but try to get yourself out of an uncomfortable situation before it gets worse. Your safety is still priority number one.

Edit: some more

Don't expect a relationship to last. Chances are it won't. But this isn't as pessimistic of a tip as you might expect. Even a single day of joy can be worth it if you manage your expectations. I've had a relationship crash and burn after seven years, I've had ones that lasted a couple of months and I've had someone ghost me after the second date. And still, all of them gave me amazing memories that I wouldn't want to miss and they helped me grow as a person. Allow things to grow on their own and enjoy the process. Maybe you will marry that person. Maybe you'll date them for a few months or years. Maybe you will never get past second base but stay platonic friends. Maybe you will spend the most amazing day of your life with them and then never see them again because you accidentally spilled something over their favorite t-shirt.

Dont be fake. Dont lie. Dont cheat.

Be kind, listen as much as you speak. Ask clarifying questions.

Dont assume mundane things mean what you think they mean. "Sometime" might mean "its a neat idea" to someone where to someone else say "sometime" as in very very soon. Like soon.

Ask, Don't assume.

No means no. When they say no thank you, you say "ok!" And walk away. You dont demand reasoning or another chance. Life isnt the movies.

No means no anytime.

Your name gets around if you are nice or if you are shitty. Dont be shitty.

Good sex is about communication not the "perfect" body. Porn isn't reality. Ask questions. Be receptive. Share. Talk.

Ask, dont assume.

Work on being a kind and good person. Keep yourself clean. No one owes you anything. Be someone worth hanging out with.

Seriously get to know the person, before attempting to date them. You never really know who someone is.

In all honesty, don't put a title on it, would be my tip.

It will be easy once you find the right person to date.

Very few people are properly compatible with each other, and sure, good small talk skills and general "dating" abilities will keep you dating someone for longer - but why prolong the suffering if it didn't already click naturally?

Currently watching a cringe dating video and I need to yeet a few off my chest:

Guys: For the love of God, ASK HER QUESTIONS. Awkward silence? Ask her about her family. She is asking about you? Ask about her passions. Her last hobbies. Everyone loves talking about themselves. If you like a girl, make her talk and she will like you.

For anybody: See someone cute at school? At the gym? Strike up convo about literally anything - "Oh damn nice shoes, where did you buy them?" - Feed this and later ask for their Insta. Instagram is public enough people will give it out, but private enough you can follow up in DMs later

While dating: Do things to make him/her happy. Don't expect anything back. Do their chores. Buy them a gift. Take them on a surprise date. Be happy when they're happy.

Get to know someone first, and you get a sense of whether they are into you/up for dating.

If they are, it’s great and you’re dating someone you know you like and that they’re also into you.

If they’re not, you’ve made a friend.