ADHD

Uh... No. This suggests that NTs act like drones, without any thought. Like they're sitting on the sofa, then they just get up, wander to the bathroom, brush their teeth, then get into bed and think "wow how did I get here hahaha what a habit, eh?"

ADHD is many things but it ain't this.

Damn as a neurotypical person reading this it blows my mind. Yes, my habits are absolutely automatic, to the point I daydream through them. Am I just misunderstanding something or are you saying every adhd person struggles to form habits?

Reminder that this, like many things associated with ADHD, is normal for neurotypical people, too.

It tends to be more common or more pervasive for people with ADHD, but it isn't exclusive to people with ADHD.

General tip: Whenever you see someone claim that a certain way of thinking is exclusive to people with ADHD, they're most likely wrong.

I'm sorry... What?

For neurotypicals... Habits are automated processes? Brains have that function built in?

On some days, it feels like I have to breathe and blink manually.

I fail to see how this is not the case for everyone.

Absolutely no one has a habit of paying taxes. Or brushing their teeth.

I would argue that what you have is depression here, not adhd. You need help.

You always are mentally and actively doing something otherwise you'd be unconscious. Habits just means the mental resistance becomes a lot lower. If you struggle to brush your teeth, it's a lot of effort to initially get you to go the bathroom. When it's a habit, there's usually a trigger that gets you to go to the bathroom without having to expend all that energy as much. Unconscious habits are automatic which are different.

Yes, that's how habits work. They are mostly automatic.

No, that's not how brushing your teeth, flossing, taking the time to exercise or drinking water works as those are not habits at all.

PS: Drinking water might be the exception. You might be able to create a habit out of it... by taking the concious choice to always make some water readily available...

It's fine. Just always be present. 100% of the time. Always be aware of what you are doing, what you need to do, and what you are doing next. Don't forget to be thinking about what is happening today. Also, keep in mind what is happening next week.

Pretty sure I forgot to take my stomach pill today. The same pill I take every morning, for about 7 years.

Oops.

I think I can confidently say that I have habits. I am ADHD, and I have habits. Not good habits like brushing my teeth, or chores or anything...

No. My habits are either useless, or actively detrimental. Things like chewing my finger nails, or self-soothing behaviors like when I rub my feet together (drives my SO nuts). Stuff like that which I do subconsciously.

Everything else requires some measure of effort to get to doing.... Usually when I'm in the process of getting something done, it's far easier to see it through to conclusion, vs. Getting started....

Habits doesn't and shouldn't imply that the habits are good. Things I consider habitual now are a result of many years of doing the same things over and over in the same way with a consistent result...

As far as I know, I’m neurotypical and stuff is still the same for me as OP. I don’t think it’s a neurotypical or not thing, I just think different people form habits differently.

Neurotypical here, as far as I know.

No, there is nothing about brushing my teeth that's automatic. At some point during the evening I usually notice fuzzy-feeling teeth, or as I'm nodding off while reading my book will think "oh no, I never brushed my teeth..." There is always some small element of discipline to getting up and doing the thing. But I can usually remember without having to set an alarm or post a sticky note, if that meets your definition of "habit".

Exercise is brutal and IMO, that never gets easier, either. In contrast, I generally have an easier time with mental discipline & focus compared to physical tasks.

Strangely enough, as a (mostly) white Millennial woman, the majority of my peers now claim to have adult-onset/adult-diagnosed ADHD. Maybe this is an accurate diagnosis for some. And even if it's an exaggeration in other cases, who cares, as long as the coping strategies or medication is improving someone's quality of life.

What's sad to me, though, is when the diagnosis becomes an all-consuming identity and an excuse to stop trying altogether, a way to shut out the rest of the world. These women I know who excelled in school and work or had creative hobbies and traveled the world, now they just post mental health memes all day and joke about how it's impossible to get out of bed. And if anyone suggests maybe they TRY getting out of bed and see how it feels to participate in X, Y, Z activity like we used to, then come the accusations that we're clueless NTs who will never understand what it's like to struggle.

And that's just not true. NTs also work hard and struggle at times...that's life. So let's just make sure all these diagnoses are helping and working FOR us rather than AGAINST us. And sometimes forgetting to brush your teeth is just ... forgetting to brush your teeth.

I was in my mid 30’s when I was diagnosed with ADHD. Actually my twin daughter’s ADHD doctor asked me at one of their appointments if I had ever been tested/ seen about it. I was kinda confused since I didn’t think at the time I had it. Once I get tested and then started on ADHD meds… my whole life of struggles became clear. I had struggled with anxiety and depression from middle school on and was on two-three meds for that. Even then I still struggled with anxiety and panic.

Once started on ADHD meds, no longer needed my anxiety or depression meds. My doc said my ADHD presented with that. So that was a bonus!

I can’t stay focused, I “spin in circles” as I call it. Where my brain is like “boot looping” basically. I can’t start all the projects/ tasks I know I need/want to do… so I literally… SPIN. I get super frustrated with unfinished tasks and easily get distracted with something new.

Ie; folding laundry.. start putting them away and see I need to empty the trash in the bathroom, then, see the dishes need doing so Ofc I start washing them…and then one of my daughters starts talking to me and I’m off doing something else for them. End result? Bullshit. Laundry not done, dishes half assed… kid’s task.. well that’s completely done cause I have them there in front of me making sure it’s done… oh and trash IS emptied but I lost the trash can somewhere. Probably where the laundry is.

That is a typical day. I also am so “busy” all day I don’t eat till right when I’m sitting down for the first time all day and then I graze all evening long till bedtime…

Hygiene is the thing I struggle with. Every time i brush my teeth it's, "I'd better do it while I'm think about it." Showering is an active choice which i hate doing because I dispise how my body looks. Exercising? Absolutely terrified because the last time I truly exercised I almost died due to a septic pelvis injury.

Often enough I dont have enough spoons to do everything I do in the day and spend a lot of it in bed. I'm currently trying to find a source of income and have put some images on redbubble, but the thought of holding down a job is foreign. ADHD, Autism, and Anxiety are not a good mix

For better or for worse, this is normal. Habits are never really easy to be honest, and they remain easy to break forever. I tried to make a habit out of flossing. I did it for awhile, and it almost felt like a habit I formed anew, but then one day I skipped it and it was all over. Hell I skip brushing my teeth sometimes and I actively have to avoid falling out of that habit too.

I don’t know if that helps or not. But I believe almost everyone feels this way about habit formation. I think you’re just more aware of your choice. Everyone does the activity consciously but most people aren’t really analyzing it in the same way as you describe.

Ahh yes, my "habits" are just routines I do often or daily. And I have a love hate relationship with them. I love that they work and help me take care of myself and my family. But I also hate having to do them, hate that I need them, and hate that if I change them I will in all likelihood forget something.

The habit is the part that says oh I should brush my teeth.

But it's also the part that says, nah, I should just keep playing on my phone.

They're both habits. The one you engage in more is the one that will probably end up happening without some effort and self discipline.

Making new habits when you have strong habits encouraging you to follow old routines is never easy and takes practice to get right, neurotypical or not.

This is a joke, right ? (I'm seriously asking)

I'll be brutally honest. You're right, it doesn't get easier.
To paraphrase Kara Lawson, you just get better at handling hard stuff.
It sounds like you have a hard time forming habits. That's definitely how they're defined though. Habits are the things we do on autopilot.

As my username suggests, it's not all sunshine and roses. I used to have a habit of drinking and smoking. My typical cycle was that I'd wake up with a hangover and just go to work. Fortunately, that part was all on autopilot. I'd make it through work and do all the normal work crap. Assuming there was no office happy-hour, I would go to the train on autopilot. At this point I'd firmly intend not to buy wine or cigarettes. I meant it, 100%, every time. I'd take the train home and firmly intend to walk right past the liquor store, without stopping. But unfortunately my autopilot habit was just as strong here. Day after day I would just take a slight detour and end up with a pack of Camel lights, a bottle of Marques de Caceres and usually some variety drink, often some Hefeweizen or IPA.

Good habits can be really helpful. Bad habits can suck donkey balls. Changing them can be really hard. I enjoyed reading Atomic Habits and it helped me think about ways to influence my own autopilot behavior. If it makes you feel any better, exercise seems to be one of those habits that a lot of people find difficult. There's a well known phenomenon where gyms completely fill up on January 2 and then empty out around January 15 for the rest of the year.

It sounds like you're doing what you can to make yourself better at the hard stuff. Best of luck, friend.

I will not drink with you today.

My girlfriend, her mother and several family members have adhd. It's quite the experience for me beings I don't have it but I do understand it much better than I used to so I navigate the relationship rather well now... but people with adhd fatigue much quicker than people without it. The brain is being overworked and the mental becomes physical.

If you're exhausted, you sometimes don't communicate the right things, you won't normally finish an activity you started and you quite literally feel tired all the time. The depression is like buying bullets with the +p... it's more powerful but in the context we're talking about... the adhd seems more potent or concentrated to the point you become unaware of it often times than not.

Always seeking approval and or justification is your natural habitat... you want to be loved, you're insecure and you just hate that you ended up with this to work through or worry about. When you hurt someone, you typically hurt more because you didn't mean to hurt anyone. Often, you'll lie about something in order to protect your vulnerability or to avoid conflict of any sort.

This is what I have experienced with an adult where their ADHD has gone unmanaged and unnoticed but we're tearing down the walls and she's learning to communicate better as well as becoming more attentive to her condition while accepting it and working a little to make it a bit easier so it works for her and I...

In my experience with her for almost 6yrs now.... once I stopped seeing her as a threat, and when I stopped allowing her to constantly fumble the ball, things started improving but she had to understand and see what she was doing and how it effects people around her and even the responsibilities as an adult. For me, I had to learn how to not speak out of turn, and I had to help her find understanding without becoming insulting and it required me to be more supportive and loving before she started making an effort to cope on her own and willing to change some things that weren't healthy for the both of us.

This is the short version but hopefully you guys and gals understand what I'm sharing.

If you or someone you love has adhd. Wear it proudly! You are awesome and you are important and play a vital role in society. You go through things others don't think about or feel so don't give anyone the power to force you to live under a rock. If they were wise, they could learn quite a lot of good things about you, even if you can't say a whole lot about yourself that would represent you in a good light. In my opinion, you are the light so stay shiny!

For me (neurotypical as far as I know), habits are a mix of 3 things:

• Conditioning from when I was a kid (quite literally Pavlovian Conditioning) which I will do without thinking. For example I will clean my shoes on the doormat both on the way in and the way out, the latter not really making logical sense: I've just been conditioned by my mother when I was a kid with constant "Clean your shoes!" and the behaviour just got associated with the trigger of going over the doormat, hence I unthinkingly do it also on the way out
• Familiar and always (so far) no problem choices. For example having lunch in pretty much always the same handful of places, buying the same brand of certain things. As an introvert I am not comfortable with new places with new people plus there is a cognitive cost (and risk) with trying new things, hence the familiar feels comfortable and the unfamiliar discomforting. The habit is driven by favoring the easy/comforting over the discomforting. This is not the same as being unable to change: I'm actually a serial immigrant and can very quickly adjust to living in a completelly new place and a different country (nowadays it takes me only a few days) - it's just that there is a huge barrier to actually get myself to the point of starting such a change.
• Stuff I have to force myself to do because it's important to do it for social or health reasons. Shave, proper cooking (rather than quick improvisation involving no significant meal preparation or ready-made meals), even brushing my teeth.

All those things qualify as habits (in the sense of being done regularly) but the drives for each class of thing are very different.

PS: I get the impression that what some think of as habits in a neurotypical sense is mainly the first class of things. As far as I know nobody has only conditioned habits, plus you can't really condition complex things (at best you can have a "get up and go do it" conditioning).