Autism

Oof yeah, the work environment sounds rough. The industry I’m in overlaps a lot with queer, and neurodivergent folk, which helps set the tone of a lot of interactions for sure.

I really relate to the being “one of the more engaging folks”. I’m very good at being interested in new information, which often translates to people talking to me when they should be talking to the whole group. That is super draining because once it’s started I feel a bit of a responsibility to maintain that so the person giving instruction doesn’t get thrown off.

The part about first impressions is interesting to me. I feel like people that are that quick to write someone off aren’t really people I would personally want to hang out with. Obviously in a work environment that is tough because you’re around them no matter what, but yeah, seems like those people aren’t very accepting or accommodating.

Have you considered talking to your employer about potential accommodations? I read an article recently about a bunch of adults that finally brought their diagnoses up to their bosses and it actually went really well.

Thanks for the kind words at the end of your reply. Keep on keeping on!

"Comfortable silence" is a thing.

And walking away is always an option. "I'm gonna see who else is here," or "I'm going to get a drink/some fresh air" or "good talk." are acceptable ways of ending a chat

It might help to have some examples. Are you a student talking to other students? An office worker talking to colleagues? An attempt to converse with (say) a busy clerk at a store is less likely to go well than a casual chat with someone who is also waiting in line.

And sometimes there’s genuinely nothing to talk about, and recognizing that is a useful skill.

If someone doesn't want to talk, that is ok. However, people are more likely to talk if they feel listened to.

I also have this worry constantly, but i've learned that there are different sorts of silences. just because it's silent doesn't mean it's awkward. most people don't care if you mess up in casual conversation.

"You, know, I hear people talk about that a lot, but honestly, I have no idea what it actually is. Can you give me some pointers?"

Now they are your mentor.

Preface: I agree with you but want to add a counter to explain why people might be uncomfortable following your advice.

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We should admit that there are people who have decided that there are “wrong” answers and that those people have soured the experience enough that there’s a whole branching group of people afraid enough of them to instictually perpetuate the same nonsense. It’s not about “I don’t know what I should say” but about “I don’t know what I’m allowed to say that will avoid some form of behind-the-back punishment.”

There are also some people I know who where a mask thicker than their own skin and I know for a fact that they do it because of trauma. They refuse to hold strong opinions and when they do you have to be incredibly delicate with them because sharing an opinion means something entirely different to them. If you share an opinion then to them you wouldn’t unless you were really mad or really had no respect for the alternatives. My ex-girlfriend literally couldn’t handle me saying “no yea…” because the “no” was negative and it was her, by her own admission, traumatized parents who made her that way. I’ve still tried to soften myself since but oh my god.

I’m polite, your typical conservative would probably call me woke, and people call me up when they’re feeling sad because they trust me. When I say “opinion” I don’t mean insane crap like trying to say that homophobia or sexism is “just my opinion, bro” but like literally even just giving polite, requested feedback after a course or something. I swear giving a 4/5 review is the end of the world to these people because any negativity is percieved as a death sentence(and it kinda is, thanks capitalism). “I really liked most of X but think this part could be streamlined” is translated by them to “I hate you deeply and am just trying to soften the blow to appear proper”.

I see you picked up on the subtext, don't forget the hand Mario World had in that too (and don't forget to mention the chicken piccata, that's the important part) 😉

Be Keanu in Point Break, catch the bad guys, get the girl, make friends, profit. A playbook as old as time.

Giving compliments is fun, but I feel sometimes people think I’m complimenting them for one in return!

Maybe they view it that way, and it does vary from person to person, but if you're being genuine you probably aren't giving off that vibe at all! Now, if you are actually just complimenting them for transactional purposes then yeah, they're probably going to pick up on that. But if you're using a compliment as a segue into a conversation, it's obvious you're not fishing for compliments because you're asking questions about what you just complimented.

The best advice on socialization that I can give you is don't be afraid to express genuine positivity, for any reason. If you think someone's shoes are cool, go tell them, and ask them about that. If they think you're weird for saying so, that is 100% a them problem and there are plenty of awesome peeps out there that will take your positivity and interest in them and send it back your way tenfold.

EDIT: To add to this, because you clarified that your issues lie in maintaining conversations rather than starting them, try to balance giving/gaining information in a conversation, see if that helps. Conversations are a back-and-forth that can go almost anywhere, not an event where people take turns saying their thing at the other person. So if you're in the middle of a conversation and you think you're starting to be a chatterbox, go like "ah but I'm going off again," and ask them something about what they last said. Not only does it show you're listening, it also allows them to circle back to a topic in which they obviously show interest. If you try to ask (noninvasive) questions and prod the other person into giving information, the conversation can't stagnate because you're engaging them on a subject.

Also, sometimes conversations just die. Or have awkward endings. That's not necessarily an autism thing, just a life thing. Most of the time when I think I made a conversation awkward, going back and asking for clarification if I made it awkward is what actually makes it awkward. If you can be fine with maybe coming across as a little odd sometimes, it will take a MASSIVE amount of pressure off of social situations for you.