this post was submitted on 25 Sep 2024
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Showerthoughts

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-Easier birth control: Make the egg into an omelette

-Relaxed child support laws: Requires deliberate decision to incubate the egg

-Clean packaged periods: Egg = No mess!

Although, there would be stories about partners hiding fertilized eggs: Instead of unplanned parenthood we would have unconsensual parenthood

There's probably more nuances I am missing. But do discuss it in the comments.

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[–] frickineh@lemmy.world 58 points 1 month ago (2 children)

No thank you. The eggs would have to be enormous to develop into a human baby, and laying one of those every month would suck.

[–] Kaelygon@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Dinosaurs were pretty big too

[–] vsg@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

But their newborns were tiny.

Yeah but the babies were small, which is what matters here.

[–] TootSweet@lemmy.world 30 points 1 month ago

And how much are you asking for in research funding?

[–] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 27 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

Yup. Eggs>livebirth. They're also easier to expel because the shell helps it to slide through. Once you get it about 2/3rds of the way out, simply relaxing causes the rest to come out on its own. Still painful, but at least goes part of the way itself. Plus you don't have to deal with a squirming, screaming creature wanting to gorge itself on your nutrient sacks while you're trying to recover.

Shock eggs are horrifying though. Yanno, when you thought your boyfriend pulled out and then you accidently commit infanticide.

Edit: don't ask what happens if the shell breaks while it's still inside. You don't wanna know. Be thankful you're approaching this evolutionary step voluntarily and not due to natural evolution. Evolution sometimes decides that those kinds of questions aren't worth bothering with. You're lucky though. When the time comes, you'll get to choose how you want your eggs done.

[–] lazylion_ca@lemmynsfw.com 13 points 1 month ago

Gonna give Easter Eggs a whole new dimension.

[–] peopleproblems@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

Edit: don’t ask what happens if the shell breaks while it’s still inside. You don’t wanna know. Be thankful you’re approaching this evolutionary step voluntarily and not due to natural evolution. Evolution sometimes decides that those kinds of questions aren’t worth bothering with. You’re lucky though. When the time comes, you’ll get to choose how you want your eggs done.

I wasn't gonna until you said this

Is this how you get chicken nuggets?

[–] JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Once you get it about 2/3rds of the way out, simply relaxing causes the rest to come out on its own.

The hard part of pushing out a baby is far less than 2/3 of the baby. Once you get past the shoulders they just slide out. And they are pretty slippery with all that amniotic fluid.

[–] CookieOfFortune@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

Yeah but a baby has to be in the correct orientation and has to change orientation as it traverses the birth canal otherwise you’ll run into issues. An egg is rotationally symmetric along an axis so it’s much easier to push out. It’ll naturally rotate into the correct orientation and doesn’t need to be rotated.

[–] JusticeForPorygon@lemmy.world 17 points 1 month ago

You know damn well lawmakers would make omelettes illegal

[–] droning_in_my_ears@lemmy.world 15 points 1 month ago

A single shoot for everything like the cloaca sounds terrible though

[–] Ensign_Crab@lemmy.world 12 points 1 month ago

Return to monotreme.

[–] SparrowHawk@feddit.it 9 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 6 points 1 month ago

If I had access to the human ones I'd have those for breakfast but until then I'm just going to be eating bird period on toast every morning :(

Conservative: Eggs are birds, period.

Scientist: Eggs are a bird period.

Lemming: Eggs are bird periods

[–] Smoogs@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Ever raise chicks? It’s very informative of what egglaying requires.

Keep in mind the animals that lay eggs have a type of body that can sit and incubate and often it requires both parents to sit.

Additionally sit- Incubating this way is super inefficient and means you have to sit in one place to keep a constant temperature as opposed to our current strapped on method which means the child is constantly incubated in an ideal environment leaving the parent free to do things like keep a job to support child/hunt for food.

It has the best means for survival as you don’t end up leaving your embryo to be snatched or crushed.

And usually if your holding a child you’re also supplying milk which means the parent only has to look after feeding themselves traditionally while supplying milk which is far more readily available vitamins for the baby.

If anything you have to be much more dedicated with your time and intention and worry to be an egg layer.

[–] Kaelygon@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yes, my parents used to have chickens. It's unlikely that the incubation period would be 9 months and being oviparous has It's own challenges. If humans did evolve that route I'd imagine that we'd have overcome most of the issues. Dinosaurs being one example, it's possible humans would be cold blooded and have learned the joy of regurgitation. It comes down to speculation whether human like intelligence could have evolved with these limitations.

[–] MutilationWave@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Hasn't it been discovered that dinosaurs were largely warm blooded like the birds they evolved into?

[–] Kaelygon@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

The more you know. So it could be more likely that humans sat on their eggs to keep them warm, or they would have been limited to tropical climates. Humans would have evolved very differently regardless.

[–] NoForwardslashS@sopuli.xyz 6 points 1 month ago

I already lay eggs, but I don't think you want to go near them

[–] Deceptichum@quokk.au 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Yeah, nah mate. Shiela’s should grow a pouch, eh?

[–] lord_ryvan@ttrpg.network 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

-Easier birth control: Make the egg into an omelette

That's abortion, at least going by bird eggs.

Much safer than whatever people did before abortion clinics, though!

[–] roofuskit@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

The GOP would have you tried for murder if you didn't incubate. I'm not sure why you think their stance of not allowing women control of their own bodies would change.

[–] Kaelygon@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It did brush my mind as I'm still baffled about some abortion laws even if there's no brain development. But if it was an egg, it would be hard to enforce it and some eggs aren't fertilized. I bet someone would try to outlaw having a miscarriage if they could.

[–] roofuskit@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

Considering some states are already doing criminal investigations around miscarriages, probably.

The thing with eggs is that they would probably have to be huge. I guess that the egg would maybe have to be 10x the size of the finished baby (Idk for sure though) due to inefficiencies in the food metabolism. While for chickens, that's not a problem because the babies are small, for humans it would be difficult.

[–] Annoyed_Crabby@monyet.cc 2 points 1 month ago (2 children)

"ohh yeah cum inside me" will now be changed into "ohh yeah bukkake right onto this egg i just laid"

[–] queermunist@lemmy.ml 24 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Isn't that just fish?

I thought birds still fuc

[–] DarkMetatron@feddit.org 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

If by "fuc" you mean pushing cloaca at each other then yes they fuck. But for most bird species males don't have a penis for penetration

[–] essell@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] DarkMetatron@feddit.org 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

it is a short tube inside the cloaca used as a outlet for the sperm so it can flow out of the male cloaca.

[–] essell@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago
[–] webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Ops focus on a singular “nicely packaged “ egg made me unable to consider anything else then bird eggs.

I was so confused by your comment, i had to look it up.

[–] gcheliotis@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

There’s a movie about that. Well, it’s about high-tech incubator eggs that promise relief from the toils of pregnancy so mothers can go on working (so they can afford said proprietary incubator eggs). Not a great movie, but it was interesting. Don’t remember the title unfortunately.