Aubrey Plaza. Sheβs way hotter than me (thatβs kinda the point), and not half Japanese (will make the racist parts confusing and/or hilarious) but she could definitely pull off my resting bitch face and general disdain for everything.
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Ed Sheeran. Specifically because he's not an actor and would stumble through the movie just like I stumbled through life. All ginger, no plan.
Cannot stand the guy. Pretends to be humble as fuck. Shoots videos of himself being humble as fuck. Turns up in movies to unnecessarily defocus the scene.
Yeah the guy can sing and has a comfortable body, so does my dog.
All Ginger No Plan - that's an amazing life motto. ;)
Nice try FBI
Zac Efron.
The girl I was crushing on in high school crushed on him really hard as he appeared in High School Musical. I spent wayyyy too much of my youth trying to emulate Zac Efron as a result. Eventually, that whole style just kinda became my whole style. Seems like a good fit.
Karl Pilkington. he would do a great job of complaining about every minor inconvenience I've dealt with
Lady Gaga
I bear no resemblance. I can't sing. I just think she's neat.
Some lonely sad miserable and depressed actor
Adrien Brody.
I'm told, quite often, I look like him. Plus he's a method actor or whatever do we would get to hang out which might be cool. He seems nice.
Never gonna happen because I'm white and look absolutely nothing like him, but I wouldn't mind having Jam Hsiao play me. Don't know if he's done more than Green Door on Netflix, but I'd still absolutely enjoy it.
Though, if it was animated, I'd want kid me voiced by Cree Summer because she is my all time favorite voice actor/actress.
Melissa McCarthy, she has a good sense of humor which is great because my life is kind of a joke.
Peewee herman voice and all...
Yes I'm quite the lady-killer...
I only just recently learned the voice bit as I've never recorded myself. I used to think I was just ugly lmao
Steven Yeun and Bobby Lee interchangeably
Jason Alexander
Donald Sutherland
For the younger me? Harry Connick Jr, but no singing. In my defence, I was prettier back then. The accent's perfect. Now me? Bill Murray, I'm sure, if he can fake a HCJ accent.
If I was being vain, Stuart Townsend. But in reality, it would be young Steve Buscemi.
Nathan Hurd. He was in She-Hulk as Man Bull.
I want to be played by a dog
My life isn't very interesting, but it'd really spice things up if they had a dog try to do it.
There's no rule that says a dog can't play ~~basketball~~ a person!
:P
What's the story, Wishbone?
Danny Devito.
...I'm a woman.
I refer to him as Daddy DeVito
... I'm a dude.
I'm pretty tall, so the logical choice would be Tom Cruise on 12 inch heels.
Three Tom Cruises in a trenchcoat
Gary Oldman, dude's a chameleon. I'm sure he could find a way to play a mid 30s SE Asian dude
On the other hand, if you had Will Ferrel play you, but he and everyone is completely unaware that he is SE asian.
Brad Pitt.
Bit of a downgrade but I can live with it.
I want my movie to be cast entirely with Muppets and Tim Walz.
Best answer
Christopher Walken, Jeff Goldblum, Willem Dafoe, and Gary Oldman. All of them.
Everywhere, all at once.
David Cross and Bob Odenkirk, with a made-up face surgery scene mid-film to explain the change.
They're both male so I'm assuming you were very ugly and bald at some point but now not quite as ugly and your hairline is ...un-receding?
Jk
I'm actually a beautiful woman. They will both have to agree to substantial surgeries before they agree to play me.
I can see cross going for that
John Malkovich, I don't know why. I just like him. And I think he would be kind in my portrayal.
With your user name I was expecting another answer (and a pretty cool zombie movie)
Ditto. I think he could bring out the exasperation and pessimism that so much of my life warrants. And the transition to the good parts would be even funnier. "Oh, sorry honey, you're why I keep going. I should have said that to him."
In Soviet Russia, John Malkovich being you.
Nicolas Cage
Looks nothing like, but it would be funny as hell and in order to get him to sign up, they would have to make it somehow trippy and surreal.
Iβve been told more than once that I look like βthat creepy Scarecrow guy from Batman Begins.β So I guess Cillian Murphy. I didnβt like looking creepy tho.
I look like a middle-aged Richard Gere, with hair loss. All action on the sides, and nothing on top.
For the 5% of my adult life that Iβve had short hair and no beard: Quentin Tarantino. For the rest of my bearded, long-haired adulthood: Steve Burke from Gamers Nexus. But they need to have blue/green eyes and forehead wrinkles.
(Huh. On paper that just sounds like I look like Nick Offerman, but not really.)
People say I look like Carrie Ann Moss (Trinity) but as a child I had more Lucy Lawless resemblances. So I don't know, but either case they'll have to get a tan cause I'm more of a Penelope Cruz skin tone.