this post was submitted on 19 Sep 2024
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[–] Fester@lemm.ee 149 points 2 months ago (2 children)

White men are EATING my CAR KEYS

[–] Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works 64 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

No wait nevermind they were just between the couch cushions here. Haha that's so funny I don't know why I would assu- ... wait.... WHY IS THIS ON THE NEWS

[–] burgersc12@mander.xyz 23 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Oh shit, car keys are fucking couches now??

[–] hemmes@lemmy.world 24 points 2 months ago

No but JD Vance was visiting just a few hours earlier

[–] SlopppyEngineer@lemmy.world 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It's Vance. You have any idea what's in the couch cushions?

[–] werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

Have you ever wondered why even keys not made from brass smell the way they do? And why they are often sticky? Vance! Get some help! Stop fucking our couches full of lost keys!

[–] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago

Vance would. If it has a bench seat. Or maybe some like, plush conversion van benches.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 93 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

My daughter lost her glasses yesterday. I sent out a massive email, text and social media blast blaming Haitian migrants for stealing and eating her glasses, but we found out 10 minutes later that they were under her bed.

Boy is my face red.

[–] AbidanYre@lemmy.world 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It's actually the French you need to watch out for in that case.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Monseur Mangetout! I remember a news special on him way back when he ate the Cessna.

[–] bstix@feddit.dk 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Guinness World Records made him famous. He's also the only person from that book that I remember anything about.

I wonder why he decided to eat 15 shopping carts. Like, the point of it would be proven after, I don't know, 7?

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I don't understand any of it, but I guess it got him a career.

The French have an unusual history in that regard though- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_P%C3%A9tomane

[–] bstix@feddit.dk 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

It's not an entirely lost (f)art. Jackass had a skit with a similar guy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukIHMUibMio

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, but note that guy isn't a big celebrity.

[–] bstix@feddit.dk 2 points 2 months ago

Yeah well, I think a lot of people can actually do that. It's rough times for fartists.

[–] Iheartcheese@lemmy.world 78 points 2 months ago

Where's the cat?

Check the house?

Nope it's dem immigrants

[–] asteriskeverything@lemmy.world 57 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (4 children)

This article is ridiculous It looks like I need to start bookmarking sources to R-antics again for when his bs gets rugswept again and all the Republicans get on board.

Fuuuu

But it’s not just that one story. Vance has tried to claim he has a mountain of “evidence” that migrants are eating cats, dogs, and geese from local parks. And they all turn out to be garbage. NBC News talked with a woman in Springfield, Erika Lee, who was behind one of the Facebook posts that far-right influencers elevated online before Vance really kicked it into high gear. It turns out Lee’s post was based on something she’d heard from “an acquaintance of a friend” and that she had no first-hand knowledge of anything like that happening

[–] WaxedWookie@lemmy.world 31 points 2 months ago

I have a load of evidence, but also, I lied about this, and I'll do it again!

It's journalistic malpractice, materially supporting fascism, and publishing actual Nazi-tier racist tropes to uncritically report Vance's statements when he was so obviously lying, has unapologetically admitted he was lying, said he'd lie about this and similar racist bullshit again.

The media is paving the way for an end to us democracy, and a series of genocides for fucking clicks. Fucking ghouls.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago (2 children)

But Trump saw it on TV, therefore it's true!

[–] lobut@lemmy.ca 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)

He sounded so pathetic trying to rebut with that.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

But the infuriating thing is the election is still dangerously close!

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 months ago

It's amazing how effective the right-wing media ecosphere is at protecting their candidates. Somehow they can take Trump ranting like a lunatic about immigrants eating cats - and then convince their supporters that it only happened because Kamala had secret spy earrings and the moderators were in kahoots with her.

[–] drunkpostdisaster@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Lol I forgot he said that. Jesus Christian what a shameful display

[–] SlopppyEngineer@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

At this stage, there should be some democrat comedy TV program with guys in dumb and dumber tuxedos spouting the weirdest things about republicans. Things like the Trump signs in the front yard contain a camera and act as a 5G antenna.

[–] Badeendje@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

So pull the thread. She heads if from a friend, let's go ask the friend.. and so forth. Someone unwilling to name their source is the origin. Let's find patient 0.

[–] mosiacmango@lemm.ee 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

A different outlet did. The racist Lee who posted the cat thread said it was from "my neighbors daughters friend."

A fact check org interviewed the neighbor, and she said Lee was mistaken, and it was actually "a friends acquaintance." So yeah, right off it became way more ambiguous.

The other issue though is that in her racist tirade, Lee didn't just mention a cat. She also said geese/ducks had gone missing from the parks, and said she confirmed that with park rangers and police. She of course had not.

Most likely these two idiots got together, her and her neighbor, and each one ginned up part of the story, maybe literally. Then Lee posted it and "inadvertently" created a dangerously racist shitshow for her city and nation.

[–] Thebeardedsinglemalt@lemmy.world 45 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Immigrants are stealing and eating all the women who want to date me! This totally makes sense why I'm still single!!!???

[–] AeonFelis@lemmy.world 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Sir, I'm gonna have to inspect your basement.

[–] DoucheBagMcSwag@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Why would you want to see where they live...? Nothing of human value is in there

[–] AeonFelis@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Read his comment. Then read the post's title. Then read his comment again.

Something of literally human value may be in his basement.

[–] JustAnotherKay@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

Joke ->

Head

[–] RagingRobot@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

This one is more believable because it's harder to prove. They should have went with this story instead.

[–] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

I see no flaw in that logic.

[–] nkat2112@sh.itjust.works 32 points 2 months ago (1 children)

"Oopsies! Sorry for that mistake - and for the torrent of racial hatred that followed."

[–] Samvega@lemmy.blahaj.zone 21 points 2 months ago

The stochastic terrorism playbook.

[–] fubarx@lemmy.ml 27 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Soon:

Cats are majority brown, gray, orange, black, and (gasp) mixed. They're lying immigrants, decimating the white mice of this land.

[–] iamtrashman1312@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

But I thought there were no cats in America?

[–] OhStopYellingAtMe@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

The very basement where they run their child prostitution ring, no doubt!

[–] Iapar@feddit.org 6 points 2 months ago

America is eating itself. They should report on that.

[–] werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

BDSM.... even cats love it! 😂

[–] tetranomos@awful.systems 1 points 2 months ago

one cat's nip is another cat's jazz