this post was submitted on 12 Feb 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 26 comments
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[–] Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social 17 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Good news is that by dumping teratons of CO2 into the atmosphere we're changing the spectroscopic signature of our atmosphere in a way that makes it clear that we're intelligent life that needs some help.

Bad news is that it might also kill us before they get here.

[–] awwwyissss@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago

I never thought about that before. Benevolent aliens coming to help us... who knows.

[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 15 points 1 year ago

This is the type of shit I wish I was creative enough to come up with

[–] fl42v@lemmy.ml 12 points 1 year ago

(wontfix)

issue closed

[–] rustyfish@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

No, no you can’t. We turn the oceans into acid and are collectively one torn paper bag away from starting a nuclear war.

Best you can do is containing the amalgamation of insanity called mankind on this planet. Because if we make it off this world, we will probably hunt you down for fun.

You have been warned.

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sterilize it is .... pushes button for planetary sterilization radiation beam

[–] samus12345@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Nuke the planet from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

[–] ringwraithfish@startrek.website 10 points 1 year ago

Humanity would absolutely be the abuser in this toxic relationship

[–] eran_morad@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

We need the Vulcans.

[–] nifty@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I’ve played too much XCOM to know how this really turns out.

[–] zero_spelled_with_an_ecks@programming.dev 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

So 95% chance it turns out really really well.

[–] Tangent5280@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

SO WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIEEEEE

[–] SomeGuy69@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

Please fix me alien mommy

[–] Modern_medicine_isnt@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A possibly interesting read would be about aliens who bring a cure for all illness, but unknown to use it also cures people of the need to get ahead of thier fellow human at all costs. Thus they stabilize the human race which then stabilizes the planet...

[–] Rinn@literature.cafe 4 points 1 year ago

Something kind of adjacent to this happens in Octavia Butler's Xenogenesis series. Aliens come over to fix the Earth and humanity, but decide that human nature is part of the problem, and set out to modify it. It's a really interesting read.

[–] SpicyLizards@reddthat.com 6 points 1 year ago

Please, we can't do it by ourselves (because mega-important money)

[–] EveryMuffinIsNowEncrypted@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Dat closing double-quote though...

[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

We about to fuck up that aliens life.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 5 points 1 year ago

We already have without even meeting him. He's been obsessed with Earth for decades. His family has tried to get him committed.

[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

I for one welcome our benevolent and generous alien overlords.

[–] Death_Equity@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

I think by "fix", they don't mean repair, but it would help.

"We started years ago with anal probes and now they seem to do it to themselves all the time. Now for Phase 2..."

[–] Gilles_D@feddit.de 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It’s referring to the whales. And no, it doesn’t look good for humans.

[–] cm0002@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Aliens: "As your punishment for what you did to the whales, your species will be enslaved according to Galactic Enslavement Code. You will ONLY be allotted Housing, Healthcare, Food an-"

Humans: "OH FUCKING FINALLY"

Aliens: "Wut"

[–] VampyreOfNazareth@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

I enjoy BBQ grey.

[–] Siegfried@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Fix earth or mankind? Cause the solutions would be a little different