Time for the poop knife
this post was submitted on 21 Sep 2023
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A complimentary poop knife and ruler should be provided.
*poop knife and poop ruler
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Need one of those tools for measuring spaghetti portions attached
That thing only works for standard length tho
Periodically move it sideways. One oversized poop becomes two standard poops. Pooplication.
The real inconvenience is having to convert the olde world measurements to modern ones anyone would understand.
While americans don't measure in centimeters, we do understand grams. Weigh the damn poops.
Fortunately toilets tend to stay attached to a specific region, so it's possible to know which unit system the best majority of people using it will be most familiar with.
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Gotta plan accordingly, or carry a poop knife.
The arbitrary capitalisation of “Poops” and “Time” bothers me immensely.
But not Bigger?
Sir. Sir. Sir! Your poop is too big. Please take it with you. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Just hang a poop knife. Problem solved.
Time to squeeze them sphincter muscles to extrude a 4 inch long, 2.25 in diameter turd.
Ah, the Play-doh fun factory technique.
When ya forget the tape measure outside of the bathroom 😔
That's funny... until I actually think about a 2.5in diameter turd... then I'm horrified.
Pretty much this size
They should just refer to the caliber
I fire 120 mm high-explosive rounds
Relevant username.
That thing is nowhere near 2.5" dia.
I poop in metric so this doesn't apply to me.
I live in Japan and you can flush a pair of work boots down these toilets.
Here in Australia no one has "poop knives". American plumbing is a sad joke. Most Aussies don't even own a plunger.
Whoever is making those poops, I feel so sorry for your tattered asshole.
That's bigger than a Coke can.
Sure, sure. But they've probably been doing it for a while now.
I feel bad for the person who's come to expect them and isn't going to get their XXL turds today.
They are going to be very disappointed when they read that sign
That's the size of a standard UK beer can.
What fucking animals are using that poor toilet?
Damn. Where's lemmy shitpost when you need it
What should be the lemmy equivalent of the poop knife? A shit blade? A defecation spatula? A dung spoon?
A bean batter.
How many courics is that?
Ah crap, my poop is 2 and 5/8 inches in diameter and 6 and 1/8 inches long.
Gotta get one of those Play-Doh shape-sphincters to shove up your butt before you get down to business to "defeat the huns"
Okay, so I gotta pinch it off twice then?
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