Mental Health

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Welcome!

This is a safe place to discuss, vent, support, and share information about mental health, illness, and wellness.

Thank you for being here. We appreciate who you are today. Please show respect and empathy when making or replying to posts.

The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:

Rules

1-Posts promoting paid products and services of any kind are not allowed here.

2-All posts and comments must be helpful and supportive. Do not put vulnerable people at risk.

3-Do not DM or ask to speak privately to any of our members unless they specifically request it.

If a person from this community disturbs you in a comment, please report the comment. If you receive a DM you did not request, send a screenshot of the DM in a message to a moderator. This is a bannable offense.

4-Suicide, Self-Harm, Death-- Extended discussions are STRONGLY DISCOURAGED here. First, mods and community members are caring people, but not experts in crisis situations. Second, we want to avoid Lemmy becoming like many commercial social media platforms, where comments can snowball into counterproductive talk.

If you or someone you know needs more help than can be found here, please refer to the pinned resources.

If BRIEF mention of these topics is an important part of your post, please flag your post as NSFW and include a (trigger warning: suicide, self-harm, death, etc.)in the title so that other readers who may feel triggered can avoid it. Please also include a trigger warning on all comments mentioning these topics in a post that was not already tagged as such.

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Trans-Resources aims to help transgender, non-binary, and other gender non-conforming people find resources where they live. Our goal is to be a directory of advocacy organizations, legal resources, support & social groups, and other resources that service the trans community.

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Hey folks. It's me, VubDapple. I'm a (not so active but still present) mod for this community and also a mental health professional. Recently there was some upset at this young community's rule about posts concerning suicide. I thought I'd offer a few thoughts about suicide and where things seem to stand right now. Sorry for the delay in my response; things have been rather busy in my life.

Suicide is a super frightening topic for many people - with good reason. As such, it is difficult to figure out how to manage discussion of suicide in a public and anonymous volunteer forum so that everyone's needs are best met. A few issues come to mind that have to do with such balancing of needs:

  1. How to balance the needs of people who want to discuss their suicidal thoughts against the needs of other people who would be triggered by reading it and would really like to avoid it? Suicidal ideation is really common within groups of people who self-identify as having mental health issues, so on the one hand it is reasonable to discuss it. On the other hand, the very nature of the topic feels dangerous to many, sometimes because it might trigger one's own suicidal thoughts and at other times because there is concern that if not handled properly any discussion could make the issue worse rather than better.

  2. How to know what the risk is that someone who is suicidal might actually attempt suicide? Many people who are suicidal are not in imminent danger, but some really are. Because this judgement is difficult to make, and because no one here including moderators is able to take on an actual care-giving clinical role, it is reasonable for us to treat all suicidal discussion as potentially dangerous.

  3. How to best care for a suicidal person? This community is simply not able to provide any actual suicide prevention service! There is nothing like /r/suicidewatch here at this time! The community is not staffed to care for an acutely suicidal person.

The recent rule adjustment (Rule #4) has been made to try to strike a balance between the competing needs of community members. Basically, it's okay to acknowledge the existence of suicidal thoughts or thoughts relating to self-harm but we want to discourage extended discussion of such topics, precisely because no one here is able to take on an extended care-giving role in the manner a professional caregiver would and because there is a reasonable chance or at least reasonable concern that extended discussion might make things worse than they already are. The best advice that can be given at this time would be to seek professional mental health care.

I can shed some light on how to know when suicidal thoughts are considered acutely and immediately dangerous and when they are not by providing the following psycho-educational information.

Mental health professionals divided the universe of suicidal thoughts into "active" and "passive" categories. I like to offer the metaphor of a "poison flower" to help people recognize how these categories work.

Suicidal thoughts are a developmental process that starts small and grows to become a threat. Think of a flower seedling - it is very small at first - just a shoot coming out of the soil. As it grows it develops tiny leaves and the stem gets larger, the leaves get larger, etc. in a developmental process. Eventually a bud forms, that bud opens and then we have a flower. The universe of passive suicidal ideation is just like this flower during its developmental phase eg., before the flower blooms. The universe of active suicidal ideation is like the flower after it has bloomed. Active suicidality is much more dangerous than passive suicidal ideation.

Passive ideation usually starts with a feeling of overwhelm; a sense that a person simply does not have what it will take to manage the situation they find themselves in. As it grows, the passively suicidal person becomes aware of the thought that they might be better off dead. Often this thought is frightening at first; the people who experience it do not want it there and see it as a sign that they aren't well. A further development of the suicidal process but still passive suicidality occurs when a person finds themselves fantasizing about how they might end their life. The thoughts may still be unwanted and at this phase of the developmental process there can be a sense of a growing struggle between the thoughts of dying and the desire to push those thoughts away. An even further development might occur when a person starts taking seriously the idea that they might actually kill themselves. At this late stage of passive suicidal ideation there may still not be what we call intent, but nevertheless the suicidal person may start researching how they would end their life.

The turning point between passive and active suicidality comes when three criteria are met: 1) there is intent to harm one's self, 2) there is a plan for how the person will harm themselves, and 3) the person has access to the means to harm themselves. The term intent means that the person has come to regard the idea of suicide as something they will carry out. The term plan means only that the person has picked a method for how they will die. You don't need to have a "good" plan (eg., one likely to be lethal) in order for it to count that you have a plan; any plan will do. Finally having access to the means for committing suicide means having access to the tools and materials that the person would use to end their life. When all three of these criteria are met, we mental health professionals consider the person to be actively suicidal. When the criteria are not all met then we consider people to be more passively suicidal.

Suicidal ideation is not a one-way process. People can move from not-suicidal to passively suicidal and then later to actively suicidal, but it is also true that actively suicidal people can exit their active suicidal status back usually to passively suicidal status, and then even later become not suicidal again. It's important to keep this in mind because of what some call the "suicidal trance" eg., the tendency, as a person becomes more and more actively suicidal, to believe that suicide is the only reasonable response to what appears to that person at the moment to be an endless and entirely hopeless set of life problems from which suicide is the only escape. Most of the time it isn't true that the person's life problems are actually endlessly hopeless, but it does tend to feel that way when you're in it.

There is no hard and fast rule for assessing danger here, but the general idea is that passive suicidality is less acutely dangerous than active suicidality; mostly because with active suicidality by definition there is intent to die and the person's energies are marshaled in the direction of finding a way to make that happen in a manner that is simply not the case when a person is more passively suicidal. Passive suicidality is dangerous in that it may become active later on, but most of the time when someone is passively suicidal they are not going to go home and kill themselves any time soon. Active suicidality is a crisis. The actively suicidal person needs help and they need it as quickly as it can be found. A good way to gain that help if there is no other resource around would be to go to a hospital emergency room and tell the staff there that you are actively suicidal. Such action might help best in the short term because at least in the USA (where I am located) the healthcare system is broken and there easily might not be follow up care provided which would be needed, but it might be better than nothing.

What sort of care does a suicidal person benefit from? If you know of someone who is suicidal and the right solution is not immediate hospitalization to contain a crisis that will unfold very very shortly if urgent measures are not taken, then what is the right solution? It used to be the case that mental health professionals were trained to ask suicidal people to "sign a no-suicide contract" whether actually or metaphorically. It turns out that this doesn't help much. These days, in addition to whatever therapy they may provide mental health professionals are trained to help passively suicidal clients by helping them complete a Suicide Safety Plan.

The Suicide Safety Plan is simply a list of resources that the suicidal person can think about when they are tempted by the possibility of harming themselves. It is designed to help a suicidal person to maintain perspective about their larger situation even as the "suicidal trance" beckons them to die, and to remind the suicidal person of the techniques they can use or the resources they can call upon if they are feeling especially tempted.

Anyone can make a Suicide Safety Plan by answering the following questions:

  1. What are the warning signs in your behavior that signal that you are becoming increasingly suicidal?

  2. What are the ways you have available to calm or sooth yourself that might lessen your need to suicide?

  3. What can you do to make the environment safer for you (like getting rid of the means of harming yourself)?

  4. What are reasons for living? Often this one boils down to "Who would be harmed if you were to die?"

  5. Who in your personal life can you talk to about how bad things are?

  6. Who are the healthcare professionals you can call on if things get really bad?

I know what you might be thinking! A lot of people looking at these questions have told me that they can't see it coming, they don't know how to sooth themselves, there are no valid reasons for living, they have no friends or people who care about them and that they can't access healthcare because it is too expensive (which is often true in the profit-obsessed USA unfortunately). Even so, it is worth trying to engage with these questions so as to write out methods and names and resources as well as you can. Even a little bit of hope and a little bit of planning in advance can become critical in a crisis, making the difference between life and death.

A final word about reasons for living. Many times suicidal people have told me that even though they have children or loved ones, that their children will be better off without them alive. Such is the warping influence of the suicidal trance which commonly argues that the suicidal person is and can only be a burden and that children or loved ones will be better off without them. This simply isn't true. Children get FUCKED UP when their parents commit suicide. Loved ones get FUCKED UP when their loved ones commit suicide. Particularly for children who lose their parents to suicide, the effect is to traumatize them rather permanently for the rest of their lives. I have seen it up close and personal. Nothing I might say can make the influence of the suicidal trance less strong, but at least hear me in that this part of what that trance says is a lie. Nothing good comes of suicide except maybe that your own personal pain is discharged. The others around you will suffer. If you don't want to contribute to the suffering of others, please consider looking for another way. That other way might be very hard to find or very expensive to access, but when it is life or death, it's a good investment to make.

General Suicide Information

https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/index.html

Suicide Helplines In the USA: call or text 988

https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp

https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/

Suicide Safety Planning:

https://www.verywellmind.com/suicide-safety-plan-1067524

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-recovery-coach/202306/how-to-develop-a-safety-plan-to-manage-a-suicidal-crisis

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::: Cw suicide 

I’ve known since I was 14 I was trans, ended up just having to suffer till I was 20, finally started estrogen, but ever since than it’s just be disgust and disappointment, I realize my body is just gross and repulsive regardless, like my genetics are just cursed. On top of that I have to same usual dead end job, I’m consider the goofy, unattractive person in every single group. I hate it. Outside of people who feel bad for me everyone avoids me cause I’m socially awkward. On top of not even being able to afford my bills I’ve never had an actual relationship. I’m an ugly degenerate loser by every single metric. I think at 23 my best bet is to pull out my credit card, do some research into a common pistol and its uses, walk into an academy,  an tell them which gun I want and for common use etc, than go that parking lot I picked outside of town and pull the trigger. I picked it specifically cause it’s empty, no one but first responders will find me. I just feel so horrible but I’ve been in pain so long I honestly feel :::

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/33665562

I'm young enough to be on my parents' health insurance plan, they have enough funding to pay for copays/deductibles (it's not really a money issue, is what I'm trying to say). But my parents (especially my mother), opposes medication and tells me I need to "Just Go Outside".

So, I wonder how long before I kms...

🙃

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Hey welcome to my ramble of the day.

Lately I've been very aware of how every day I accomplish a little less and have more trouble getting through an evening without drinking.

Christmas is coming up and I'm spending it in Switzerland with my brother-in-law. All good, you'd say. Except both me and my wife are running on fumes. We are both super tired. We've discussed skipping it but we cannot do this to my mother-in-law. She doesn't often get both her kids together and she's had a rough year.

In any event, looking at my progress over the past few weeks I feel like I'm doing a little worse every day and just that realization is making me kind of depressed.

So before I get all kinds of recommendations, here's my current game plan:

  • I've registered with a psychologist (not in the USA so insurance is not an issue)
  • My employer knows of evening and they are very supportive. I haven't been working since beginning of September)
  • I intend to take it very easy in Switzerland and try to relax around the other days of Christmas as well. Beginning of January will be super chill for me.

Thanks for bearing with me. I really hope to improve in the next year.

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Hey everyone, I'm pretty sure I have a deep rooted fear of abandonment, I'm scared most of the time that my friends will leave me once they find someone more fun or interesting to be with, I don't outwardly act like it but it's really like that and it makes me feel anxious to start new relationships, I don't know if I can trust anyone actually likes me, it's pretty bad because there is this girl I LOVE whomst I spend all my time with she's told me she loved me AND I STILL CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO ACTUALLY BELIEVE HER. It's destroying me. I feel like no one I meet will meet my need for reassurance, it's probably making me needy which I can't help, but which definitely makes me less desirable of a person.

How do I even get better? I don't know why I'm like this...

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So my immediate family has been very avoidant of my girlfriend of nearly 6 years

I wanted her to come to a family Christmas consisting of me, my mom, my dad, and my brother

My mom was strongly against it. Since my mom has a history of this my gf really wanted me to give her the ultimatum of she comes or neither of us come

I really don't want to rock the boat because well I want to have Christmas and I'm also going on a several day road trip with them and I really don't want to have that on top of everything else And of course my mom guilt tripped me a bunch too cause she's been dealing with her own flurry of problems

As I'm writing this I'm leaning towards standing up for my gf I'm just really frustrated and honesty just wanted to vent

I'm mostly just don't want to ruin Christmas and I just overall feel like I'm being a problem

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It is less than a week till Christmas and I still have not gotten anything ordered or anything, I have felt depressed and low energy these pasts couple of months, I cannot even keep up with my house chores which angers my roommates. I don't think they want to hear about my mental health anymore, I think they are gonna be very upset when they bought me thing and I got nothing or just offered cash since I really have no energy to shop for them and I have no idea what to get and this has been a major cause of stress these past couple of weeks on top of non stop work, with only one day off in between. I just feel like I am crashing out and wondering if I should just move out and be homeless since I cannot really be the best roommate right now

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Hey there, thanks for taking the time to read. I've been feeling bad for some time now and figured now is a good a time as any to share.

I am having a pretty serious issue with activating myself lately. I've been sidelined from work since the beginning of September. In this time I've been speaking to several healthcare professionals and colleagues. I'm currently in the process of finding a therapist.

I've recently drawn the conclusion that I do not sometimes have bad days, I'm pretty much down every day but I have moments that I'm fine. The fine moments are getting more scarce though...

Today I am writing to you because my mind does not know what it wants. I can't decide if I wanna call my friends and have a beer or if I want to curl up on my bed and cry.

Anyway, that was what I wanted to share. Thanks for reading.

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Here's what happened in the span of two months. My aunts mom died due to a sickness. My uncle died due to sickness and basically giving up. My other aunt got diagnosed with the worst disease you can get so she's starting treatment. This morning, we just got the news that my grandma might be bedridden for the rest of her life due to a medical condition.

The one good thing, be it a tiny piece of good news, is that my dads existing condition is improving but that doesn't mean he's completely cured.

I don't know what's going on. I don't know why this is happening. Why is this happening all at once and close to Christmas no less? I tried to run away and go on vacation, which I am currently on right now, but even here we're getting all this bad news. Work is calling me. Doctors are calling my family members. It feels like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and no matter what I do, I can't get a rest.

Life blows. If this is what life is meant to be, I wouldn't have made an effort to make it this far. I should've just stayed in bed.

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New user here so be nice or something

Hey guys, I'm a 17yo guy and I suffer from bad social anxiety. I got diagnosed with social anxiety when I was 11, and it got really apparent when I went to high school and have developed symptoms of depression, such as thoughts of suicide and sleeping all the time. It was also the time where my social skills deteriorated, and now today I basically have zero social skills. I take 100mg of sertraline every day but it doesn't do shit to me except give me really bad heartburn occasionally. However I keep taking it because maybe something will change, but in a couple of weeks from now I have an appointment with my doctor and I'll ask if he could change my medication. So far, vaping is the only "medication" that sorta helps with my social anxiety and heavily calms me down, however I don't do it all the time because it's my dad's and it's a disposable. I could ask for vapes in school but I have no friends who vape, in fact, I have no friends in general anymore and only have acquaintances in school and people who used to be my friends but moved, which ends up in not being as close to me anymore. I could ask random vapers but ofc I can't because social anxiety.

My life outside school is really isolating and depressing. I barely have any hobbies and all I do is lay on my bed and doomscroll and sleep and mess up my sleep schedule. I don't post on Reddit anymore because they IP banned me off the whole fucking site. They even track the device I use so they'll still ban me even with a VPN. Now I have to resort to here because I have no other way to tell; my parents think I'm delusional for having mental illness so I don't tell them. Anyways, I have no social interaction at home except my parents, and absolutely no one texts me. I'm absolutely not OK with this lifestyle. I'm always fucking bored and I wish I had friends I could hang out with. I have no siblings. A side effect coming with my social anxiety is that I don't fit in anywhere so it's really hard to find new friends. I heavily feel like I'm missing out on my teenage years by rotting in isolation because of social anxiety. What do you think I should do?

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be me, a gifted programmer, living in a huge house, pregnant gf, good grades on prestigious uni

uni expels me because of autism, repeat uni, invest house inheritance in gaming cyber coffee

Security company employees were pro thieves, steal it clean, down to wall cables

A year wasted on persecutions and courts, start doing hard drugs, fail at new uni, fired at jobs, gf and son left me forever, shuffle many gfs, family decides to sell the house, I already wasted everything and could never recover from all of this

one day it was country’s holidays, got 6 full bags of pure colombian 3 different groups of friends drinking all night at different parts of the city, 3 days non stop use, I only used 2 bags (they told me 1 under 10 min is lethal) 4th day I knew there’s no way back, get home, I’m might do it

5 days without sleep or food, start seen lightnings and hearing beats, decided to end it, start rushing the last bags “if it happens it happens” I thought

muscles turns tight, start convulsing, I can’t fell my arms and legs, lungs dried out, heart went from crazy to halt, vision goes away My room turns into a light bulb that escapes away, around it I can see I’m traveling through a tunnel

Holy shit! the tunnel thing is real, this is it, there’s no coming back, I’m sorry everyone

Then I picture the face of my son, I can’t do this to him! wtf do I do now!

I start crawling a mountain, I can see the light where I came from, get there, the light turns into what my eyes wide open are looking, my room and my cold dead body inside of it

push air into my lungs I can feel air coming, push it out, then back in, after few tries my heart squeeze once then start pulping painfully, I can start thinking again, how is this possible, what?

still can’t move my body, look at the floor, there’s a city of gnomes dancing, yup I’m tripping balls, the closest one looking at me is like “what are you doing here?”

sleep for 48 hours, wake up starving 40 pounds underweight, can’t believe I’m alive, I can see my bones through my skin, I died, but I never told anyone

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I've been put on Depakote instead of Olanzapine who made me put on 97lbs My psychiatrist says it is weight neutral, internet and research says otherwise. I am not looking for medication advice just anecdotes on whether Depakote made you gain weight or not. Or if it even causes the same ravenous hunger as an antipsychotic.

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Hey all

I want to write down some of my feelings as of recently. This post may be a bit messy and badly formatted, I apologize. Let me first introduce myself: I am a 20yo man in Canada. I recently this year got my first "career" (programming) job with a very nice team. I am very introverted and have always been. I also have a second job on one day of the weekends because I truly love it and it makes me get out of my home, it's a very fun place to work at and the customers and colleagues are awesome people. I was in school during the pandemic (I was 16 at the time of the lockdowns) and during that time I just spent all day on YouTube or Reddit or whatever. Did nothing productive. Because of this I've never had a girlfriend or good memories of my last high school years.

Fast forward 4 (5) years and I seem to have kept this attitude of laziness. I feel like I wasted so much of my teenage years and that I've missed out on so much stuff. That combined with my programming job keeping me in front of a screen all day makes me so fucking sad. Especially because most of the time I work remotely. Feels like shit when you're done with your day and the only thing that you want to do is to scroll instagram or Lemmy or YouTube.

I know part of the reason that I feel this way is because it's November and the winter is coming and fuck the winter. The night starts at 4PM. During the summer at least after my day was done, I would go out on a walk for 1h with my camera and take pictures od stuff I found interesting. Now I can't do that because the sun sets before I'm even done with my day.

It just feels like I don't have a purpose/objective in life. I don't have any non-material objectives. And also I don't want any material objectives because this means this will push me into a grind mindset that will keep me inside even more.

I have very little good friends, and I can't say I'm really close to them yet. I am trying to separate from my high school friend group who turned ultra méga Maga trumpists recently. Last week I went to a rave with very nice people and mutual friends that I felt a connection with, but it feels like those people will be rave-friends that I don't see outside of these specific events. I think I am that "secondary" friend, I am not anyone's best friend nor do I have a best friend. The worst part of seeing people irl at events for me is the crash after I go back home. It feels even worse to be alone after having an good time with people. I also feel like I have trouble finding people like me.

Maybe I lack some social clues or intuition to get closer to people. I don't get invited when something is in planning a part from my family. Maybe if I get closer to the new-ish people that I was with at the rave they will start to consider me more, but I have no clue how. They are great people but there is not much that we can relate with, they are more in art fields and I am more tech oriented. But also I don't want to be friends with people who only are obsessed with tech because those people are also like me and don't go outside. And I also don't want to seem like that one obsessive person that doesn't let you go. I dont have many people that I talk with so sometimes for me it feels like I may be trying to reach to them too much and I may be bothering them.

My week programming job, I like it, and I like the people I work with. But I just can't feel like I enjoy doing it. I really can't see myself sustaining 45 more years of this every single day. It's rare that after I close the lid of my work computer that I feel happy about my day. It happens but it's rare. I dont feel motivated to do stuff that I like. I don't even really enjoy programming anymore. Before I used to always be coding something or playing with my server but now I don't want to after spending my day doing exactly that but for making someone else rich. I am starting to think that working in my passion field might have been a very bad idea because I have lost one of my biggest interest points.

I don't know what to do. Maybe I could consult to get formal mental help, but I would rather try things on my own first. I don't think I am in a "true" depression because I actually do stuff and want to do stuff. I don't have dark thoughts or anything. It's more that I am not happy with the state of my life currently. I am not sad, but also I am not happy either.

Sorry again if my text is a bit badly worded, English isn't my main language and it's late Thank you for reading this

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submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) by cameleon@lemmy.world to c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
 
 

I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder and disturbed attachment. I was on Sertraline 50mg, Lamictal 75mg, Lithium 1200mg Olanzapine 30mg, Loxapinze 50mg.

I saw a nutritionist who told me to reach out to another psychiatrist for a second opinion especially on the Olanzapine which made me gain 44kg over a year. The nurse was infantilizing and told me in general people only gain 5kg with antipsychotics. What a bunch of bullsh*t. My psychiatrist only tried Risperdal and Quetiapine as others solutions and told me "well it didn't work so we go back to Olanzapine". I can't afford the other psychiatrist I saw so I sent an e-mail telling her I refuse to take another antipsychotic ever again.

Thing is the other psychiatric I saw prescribed me mirtazapine and I am already on Sertraline which also plays a huge role in weight gain

I'm just tired I used to accept I preferred being on the bigger side and being mental health vs being thin and ill. But I don't think like that anymore my physical health is as much important as my mental health. I want to fuck shit up and stop everything but I know I'll end up in the hospital or dead because of the withdrawal. So I patiently wait for my next psych appointment to see if she is willing to make the changes.

For those who both were on antipsychotics and antidepressants, which is the worse for weight gain? Is it more manageable on antidepressants?

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It's been 2 years since I've had stomach issues, especially puking. 2 years ago I went to the ER and they didn't even care I went home with a prescription to check my liver but a doctor didn't even examine me. At the time I was smoking which I thought was the cause back then, but then I kept puking since I stopped (I am still cigarettes free, no vape, no nicotine, no weed, no anything) and feeling something weird in my stomach. My liver results came back okay. Then at my second go to the ER 1 year ago the doctor said I might have an ulcer because of the meds I take and go check with my GP to have an appointment I said to her my GP was brushing off my problems saying they came from my weight gain so she wrote a letter to him but : My GP didn't really care and brushed it off again and gave me anti reflux medication.

I said that to my psychiatrist she pretended not to understand saying "well none of the medication I give you cause puking" (I am on a lot of meds)

Yesterday since 3 days ago I was puking pink, signs of blood. I called the ER to know if it was an emergency or if I could wait for the December 4th, the appointment with my doctor. They told me to find a doctor today, which I did. He told me the blood is irritation since I've been puking a lot but the puking might come from my meds and I should stop them for a while to see if that's really the problem. He is the second doctor suggesting my meds are causing my gastrointestinal problems, I don't even know how to bring this up with my psychiatrist because she didn't listen to me the first time and I am sure she would be against stopping my meds for a while. The thing is in my country she is a part of a free mental health hospital and I can't afford to go to another psychiatrist. I don't know how to taper off healthily myself but man I am tired of this system where nobody takes me seriously.

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I bought a property near a church, about 30 meters. When I bought it and years before the bells were "off" and it's barely used.

Since a year they fixed the bell and clock and now it starts at 05:30 in the morning, 08:00, 11:00, 12:00, 01:00 and 18:00

For each 5 minutes very loud.

I talked with the people who work at the church and said it is a huge issue for me, especially cause I work nights.

They don't care and refuse to make it quieter and won't reduce the length of each time it starts the bells.

Long story short: I am in therapy since a year because I have a huge debt, I can't move away and I can't sleep anymore. I have no idea what I can do with my life I am afraid I am going to get even more mentally ill than I am now. Selling is also now no more option, who would buy a place where you can't fall asleep or if you fall asleep you wake up by massive bell noise.

The only time I sleep is when I can afford vacation twice a year...

My therapist wrote my insurance and they are thinking of giving me the oppertunity to sleep somewhere else for one to two weeks every three months. They will pay for it, but this can't be the solution?!

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I wrote this some moments ago, trying to describe what I was feeling. Sometime I get in this state where I'm anxious af but I'm also sort of calm. I don't really know how to explain it.

I feel like I have to keep myself together. Slow movements, short steps, a bit crooked, I tremble. My muscles are tense. Every problem I can think about is solvable, and yet I have this feeling that there's something big I'm missing. What if I get something wrong? It's the end. I feel like I'm falling to pieces. I'm going on by dint of duty: I have to send that email, I have to eat. I finish something and there is always something else, and it always has a deadline. I feel like I have to keep myself together.

23
 
 

I'm hesitant to describe my mental state... it hasn't really changed. I'm miserable. I've been miserable since I was a child. I don't know if it's what clinicians would call depression. Can you be depressed for, essentially, your whole life? I'm experiencing some personal and financial set backs right now, and I'm wondering... I don't feel different. When I'm doing the 'normal' things--working, socializing with relatives, 'hobbies'--I'm still miserable. When I'm unemployed and isolated I feel miserable. I feel stuck. Trust me when I say I don't feel human. I don't relate to others. They appear just like that: others. I have no interest in anything.

I'm chronically stressed for no apparent reason. I feel like people are going to shout at me suddenly, hit me, or otherwise assault me. I feel completely stuck. I'm on antidepressants. I'm on some other medications too. None of it helps. I could be taking placebos. My body really does not respond to them, and the psychiatric appointments are so infrequent due to packed schedules, that it's overwhelmingly disappointing. I wait months to say "they don't work" only to be told "we'll up the dosage". They don't work. I don't feel any different.

Psychologists are a complete waste of time. They nod their head and espouse common sense/platitudes. I always feel worse after seeing one, because it just hammers home the idea that no one can help how I feel. I get it. Only I can do that, but I feel my brain is damaged and it's not functional--I've experienced head traumas, chronic neglect (from years 0-19), and electrocution. Because I wasn't sent to school I don't have an authoritative record of childhood behavioral issues. I relate very much to ADHD symptoms, but everyone is reluctant to allow me to try those medications that might help that disorder. I feel like, as much as I try to explain, they just don't understand my issues. I'm borderline nonfunctional, but because I present groomed, wearing an ironed shirt and slacks, I feel like they don't believe me.

I want a break emotionally. I want to feel something other than an overwhelming sense of misery, disinterest, and hopelessness.

24
25
 
 

Heyo! Stupid question, but I've been double-guessing myself on this and would love some external input on things.

I've been in group therapy since October (so like, 5 or 6 sessions so far). It's an open mixed group, so people of any type of mental illness are free to come and go. The general aim of the group is Behavioral Therapy and it's led by two psychologists. Sessions consist of a short powerpoint presentation followed by worksheets to be filled out in groups of 3-4 people. Generally I think the topics of the sessions, like time management, emotional regulation, stress management etc. are chosen well and do cover a broad spectrum of knowledge.

But, my issue is that I just get completely emotionally flooded and on edge whenever I go there. Which is normal for me, I start crying every time I get put on the spot about my feelings anyways (I've cried every single time I have ever had to talk to a doctor about anything regarding my mental health). But I kinda assumed it might get better? Like I can choke down the crying for the session at least (if I don't get asked about anything bad), but I always cry on the way back home and it's starting to be pretty distressing. Like I consistently lose the latter half of the day to headaches and recovering, and the amount of times I wake up due to nightmares definitely has gone up significantly since starting therapy.

Another thing is that a new person joined the group, and she has a particularly dramatic inflexion in her voice that sounds exactly like my mother whenever she's fishing for sympathy and being the victim. It's really not this person's fault that they talk like that (she's probably a perfectly fine person!) but I do struggle to not flinch whenever she speaks. Recently we also got put into the same group and I completely zoned out and went unresponsive when she tried talking to me 😅 I didn't mean to offend her really, and I'm not sure why I would react like that, but it just kind of happened..

I'm really trying to work on this kind of emotional reactivity, but the part I'm missing is that within therapy, they've explained the model of [situation -> thought -> action], so being aware of situations that bring you into a specific thought pattern and then re-examining that thought pattern can help shape different actions. I'm neither sure which situations upset me like this nor am I sure what sort of thought would contribute to it, as I don't really have any thoughts when I choke up like that. It just seems like a random bodily reaction that floods me with bad feelings (and I can't even elaborate beyond "bad", even if I know all the emotions I can't really name specifics that I experience).

I know it's dumb, but like, maybe there's a type of therapy that could work better than behavioral therapy? Or do I just need to stick it out and continue going? My insurance has approved weekly sessions until April. There's also the issue that I did get an Adhd diagnosis recently and am currently calling around to find a doctor who is willing to prescribe meds (it's complicated here in Germany). So my struggles might just be an adhd thing?

How have your experiences with therapy been? Are you supposed to feel better after every session? Is it supposed to be bad at first but get better with time?

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