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I'm about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I've told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.

Today I witnessed a group of coworkers almost bragging how little time they took after their kids were born. I've heard stuff like "Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don't take leave".

To me it was a no brainer, I'm getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months. and for someone who hasn't taken a day breathe in the past 3 years I think I deserve it.

I'm in the US so I know it's a "strange" concept, but people have seemed genuinely upset, people it doesn't affect at all. Again, it's a state program available to almost anyone who's worked in the past 2 years, I've talked to soon to be dads who scoffed at the idea and were happy to use a week of pto and that's it.

I feel like I'm missing something.

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[–] liquidapricity@lemmy.world 5 points 22 hours ago

I had 6 weeks as that was what my employer allowed. I didn't take it all at once, 4 weeks and 2 weeks later. I found that she needed help more during teething and sleep regression so it might be good to split it up if you can, also helps you keep on top of work.

But would say it's important to ask what she feels she needs. I wouldn't worry about your employer. Also, with the lack of sleep during those first few weeks, I can't imagine anyone is productive at work.

[–] TheKracken@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago

I also had 12 weeks of paternity, but I split mine up. I took 6 weeks (which I feel like was the minimum I should have) at birth to care for the kids and for mama. I split up the other 6 weeks over 2 weeks breaks at different times. It is so important to have dedicated time to bond and care for your child. My relationship with my daughter is amazing and it started so early because I was able to be there and care for her early on. It's weird that in the past people didn't have the opportunity to be there and bond with their children. Why should work ever be more important than your own blood. "Supporting" your family by working vs taking paternity leave and also spending time with your kid is a no brainer. I think some people just think work is the most important part of their life. Work is what makes you money to live your life. Don't forget to live.

[–] PetteriPano@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 23 hours ago)

I enjoyed my time with our newborn, but it's no vacation. I took 4.5 months of paternity leave in a row.

Sweden is pretty generous with parental leave. Me and the Mrs get 480 days to share between us. 390 of which are at some 80% of our salary. The other 90 days pay peanuts, but great to have when you need some time off to get started with preschool and stuff. You have 90 days earmarked for yourself that can't be transferred to the other parent.

At 5 days a week those 480 days last two years.

[–] jabathekek@sopuli.xyz 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I feel like I’m missing something.

No, they are lol. Wth is wrong with them?

[–] neomachino@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

That's what I thought. It really felt like I was in the twilight zone going through those conversations.

[–] jabathekek@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 day ago

I kind of wish you were ;-;

[–] Tattorack@lemmy.world 3 points 21 hours ago

Yeah, it's a no brainier for me too. The whole "men don't take leave!" sounds awfully convenient for businesses. But providing for your significant other should be more than just providing money.

[–] fishy@lemmy.today 1 points 16 hours ago

Don't feel bad. I'm a man in the USA working in a corporate office. When my son was born I took my time off and it was fantastic for bonding with my son and helping my wife out. Honestly IDK how so many women do it alone.

I'd feel worse about making my wife work extra hard than my colleagues... That said, the person covering my area screwed everything up so badly I decided it was better to find a new job vs fix it. So I took my three months, worked a week and put in my notice and got paid out for another two months of accrued leave.

[–] tiefling@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 1 day ago

It's valuable time. It's as important as maternity leave. Take it.

[–] CookieOfFortune@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

It seems pretty normalized and expected in the tech company I’m at. I’ll be taking four months or so in August.

[–] CheeseToastie@lazysoci.al 1 points 17 hours ago

I was really close to my dad and I LOOOOVEEE that you're doing this. You're showing your child and the world that dad should take an equal share, especially post birth when mum is likely to need additional support. Your post is nothing short of inspirational!

[–] Evkob@lemmy.ca 12 points 1 day ago

Congrats on the kid! You sound like you'll be a much better dad than your coworkers.

[–] Surp@lemmy.world 2 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago) (1 children)

All countries should give one year of paternity leave. I do believe though there needs to be a cool down period of a year and a half because then you would have people that just have five in a row taking advantage.

[–] AA5B@lemmy.world 2 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago) (1 children)

there needs to be a cool down period

This seems like a solution in search of a problem. I’m sure Republicans will take it and run, like with “welfare queens, “anchor babies”, trans people in sports, etc, but is there even a point? How many women will there be willing to pump out baby after baby, just so the father doesn’t have to work? While I’m sure it’ll happen, I just don’t see it happening enough to worry about. Plus someone will gamigpfy it by timing things to the cooldown period: you can’t win but sometimes the edge cases are just edge cases

Or maybe, do you think this is a legit scenario? We have two kids. We intentionally had them close together to both simplify our lives and give them a “peer” to grow up with. Should I have been allowed paternity leave, or is two children close in age somehow a problem?

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[–] darthlink@lemm.ee 3 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago)

I just got back from effectively 17 weeks of paternity leave- my company provides 12 weeks (or they did last year when I started, it's now only 8), and then I had 5 weeks of PTO, sick time, and floating holidays.

Take all the time you have. Easily the best decision I've made for the past few years. Not only does it remove the "did I get enough sleep during the night" stress, but the time I spent with our new child was amazing.

I'm an software engineering lead for a team of 8, they did fine without me. The boat's still floating, as it were.

[–] zxqwas@lemmy.world 3 points 22 hours ago

I don't intend to get kids but my coworkers have them once in a while.

I think you should have some. I don't think it should be a matter of pride to not take any.

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 1 day ago

Your coworkers are stupid, shitty fathers. Go be with your kid.

[–] iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 day ago

I'm not a father and I never intend to be one, and I think it's great that you're taking paternity leave.

[–] VeryVito@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

My son’s a teenager now, but the three months I spent at home with him and my wife after his birth were some of the most incredibly enlightening, rewarding and exhausting days of my life. I’d encourage every parent to spend as much time with their newborn as possible — if not for yourself and for your child, then for your spouse. All three of you will be learning a whole new way of life, and it’s great that you’ll be able to experience and shape it together.

[–] then_three_more@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'm about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I've told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.

That's actually getting close to the amount some of the worse countries in Europe give.

To me it was a no brainer, I'm getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months

The only reason I could see not to do that is if that 15% would leave finances so tight you couldn't turn on the heating. But as you probably spend more that that on comminuting absolutely no brainer.

My company in the UK only gives 2 weeks paternity so most guys save and use all their holiday for the year to bring their total time off to 9 weeks.

[–] KryptOrchid@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

That's actually getting close to the amount some of the worse countries in Europe give.

Wrong. Statutory paternity leave in most European countries is less than a month, with a minimum of 2 weeks or 10 working days mandated by the EU. Of course companies may decide to give you more, but that highly depends on your place of work and thus is not a fair source of comparison.

Source: just came from 14 working days of pat leave and am European. My friend who works for a different company got 2 months, part of which he's able to take at a later date (not immediately after child birth) if he so chooses.

[–] Maeve@midwest.social 7 points 1 day ago

I absolutely love that you're doing this and I think paid leave for this, child and family care up to 30 weeks should be easily doable, as well as quality education and quality affordable health care and quality, affordable food, housing, clothing and utilities. Livable wages too.

[–] lath@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

In the deceptively simple, yet seemingly complex social conundrum, you're practically insulting two or several of their generations.

You see, their daddy and granddaddy before them didn't need no paternity leave and their kids (as in themselves) turned out to be just fine! Now here you are coddling and spoiling your children rotten, proving everything wrong with the newer generations!

How can a man provide food on the table, a roof over their heads and clothes on their backs by sitting at home and playing with their kids? Unthinkable! Unconscionable! Un-American!

Or so a theory goes...

[–] vin@lemmynsfw.com 1 points 19 hours ago

I think maternity and paternity leave should both be compulsory six months, to be taken as desired between pregnancy and 2nd birthday

[–] AA5B@lemmy.world 1 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago)

I wish I had paternity leave - I feel like I missed out on so much plus it was unnecessarily difficult for my ex. Back then we only had one week. However my mother-in-law came for that week and my ex “wanted her Mom”. So I sat at home for a week doing what I could while my mother-in-law took care of my ex and kid, then week two I had to go back to work and mil had to go back home, and my ex was home alone with the baby, no support

FYI - a bit eye opening on who some feminists actually are (in a good way) - a feminist group at work used me as a poster child to demand more paternity leave.

[–] Strider@lemmy.world 1 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago)

Paternity leave is awesome, did so myself (male). Even though it was 2010 and in Europe a lot of paperwork came up because it was not my wife...

[–] endlessvoid@lemmy.today 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I was the first in my workplace to take paternity leave when it became law in my state. I didn't take it in one chunk, but used every single day I was entitled to. I got many similar comments as you from older guys, and I believe they came from a place of jealousy at worst and self-rationalization at best, since those people weren't afforded the same rights when they had kids.

Pay then no attention, the first few months as a dad to a new kid are some of the most important and precious moments you'll ever have, and if you miss them you will never ever get a do over. Take every second you can without an ounce of shame.

You may also find yourself setting an example, as I noticed none of the new Dads in my workplace after me had any reservations about taking their full leave, and I work in construction with some needlessly macho guys.

[–] thegr8goldfish@startrek.website 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I did it and it never occurred to me to even ask what other people thought about it. It was a benefit available to me, so I took advantage of it. If your coworkers said that real men don't care about their teeth, would it stop you from going to the dentist? Coworkers come and go but family is for life.

[–] neomachino@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 day ago

Oh I had never thought to not take my leave (or care for my teeth) because of what the people around me were saying. The only person whose opinion matters about this is my wife.

I'm just absolutely dumbfounded why people would be so against something that is just plain good for them and their family? I know that's naive, I just can't comprehend it.

[–] 0485919158191@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

In Sweden each parent get 240 days of parental leave, per kid. I love our parental leave system. I'm very fortunate to be able to spend all that time with my son!

[–] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Would you be happier doing what those people did? I don't think so. But they might have been happier doing it that way. You do you, you've earned it! Enjoy the extra time with your family, you may not get another chance like this for a long time!

[–] doingthestuff@lemy.lol 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If you can live on 85% then it's an awesome opportunity, and super rare in the US. I'd be trying to find something to bridge the financial gap, some under the table gig or something because I already don't make enough.

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[–] Wanpieserino@lemm.ee 2 points 1 day ago

I'll be getting 20 days time off and on top of that I can choose between 4 months of time off if I so wish.

Other options are 1 day off for 20 months or half a day off for 40 months.

The thing I'm truly desiring from this is that the flemish government is protecting me from being fired the moment I request this extra parental leave.

If they cannot prove that they fire me for good reasons, then they'll have to pay me 6 months wage on top of the rest.

So if they are going to downsize, or whatever, they'll be less prone to pick me.

I'll take either the 20 or 40 months on this one.

My wife doesn't have a choice, she's 7 weeks pregnant now. Taking off work until 1 June. Then maternity leave starting 1 august (is what her HR said, even though internet says 6 weeks instead of 12, but perhaps it's cuz it's a physical job) until 15 weeks after the birth.

Personally I will do anything I can to make sure we have a long term source of income.

Keeping a good relationship with the place that pays me my wage will be beneficial.

I'll take a bulk of 1 or 2 weeks of paternal leave when the baby is born. Take one day off afterwards for 2 years.

[–] thisdude1092@lemmy.world -1 points 21 hours ago

I love my wife and kid, but I was ready to get outta the house after two weeks and go back to work

[–] Snapz@lemmy.world 0 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Not sure what this post is about, OP... What are you actually asking?

Paternity leave is obviously vital if you're a decent parent and partner. If you have it available you take it and you focus on your family. Your mentioned group of coworkers sound like fucking degenerate scumbags stuck on a pointless treadmill. I feel sorry for their partners and their children.

You should take some time to consider why you didn't have a visceral reaction of outright disgust and had to come here and ask for others to chime in. Tune in, bud. It's all about your kids now. Don't look for worthless approval from worthless people.

[–] neomachino@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

That's some assumption, I never said I agreed with them or was looking to take their advice or gain their approval. I said all of the things people are saying in here, I offended a few people who thought I was calling them bad dads which I never directly said, but that's their short line to draw to their own conclusion.

I more so was looking for input on the concept of paternity leave from people outside my small work circle because I thought the overwhelming hate on it was wild and for a minute felt like I was some new age radical who had just discovered the concept of taking care of your family. I knew I wasn't, but I don't hear much about it where I'm at so I figured I'd ask the general community.

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