Ask Lemmy

Spaghetti will dump out of my pant pockets upon my demise

A Linux boot USB

Anxiety

Please don't mug me.

Phone | 1 | Legendary | $750
Leatherman Surge | 1 | Epic | $200
Flipper Zero | 1 | Rare | $150
Lock Picks | 1 set | Uncommon | $15
Mini Multimeter | 1 | Uncommon | $15
Random Tools | 1-3 | Common | $10
Mini Mouse and Keyboard | 1 set | Common | $10
Cash | - | Common | $33-$83
Cable | 1-5 | Junk | $5
Random OS Installer | 1-3 | Junk | $5
Keys | 1 stack | Junk | $0

A pair of glasses that nobody else can see through, a fixed size watch that will only fit the smallest of wrists, and a mostly empty wallet with cryptic notes in it going back over a decade.

An ear or a tooth that would contribute towards satisfying your quest, but inexplicably only 10% of the time.

My +3 poop knife

Cargo Shorts of Holding.

a rucksack with a bunch of nifty tools inside

A bunch of fully functionally cables that you'll keep forever but will never have any practical use.

A suit of armor that looks very different when you put it on depending on your gender.

No loot, just 3 exp

Debt

Meat.

Clinical depression and student loans

• Cigarettes (12)

• BIC lighter (62% filled)

• Wallet (empty)

• Keys (unknown)

• T-shirt (dirty)

• Jeans (condition low)

• Shoes (uncomfortable)

• Scrap of Paper with writing (quest item; bind on pickup. The weight is bugged so instead of being 0.02lbs it's actually 200lbs)

• Three 9mm rounds

a second, smaller me - and their loot is an even smaller me

A pair of black Timberlands, a bag of salted peanuts, and a copy of the Codex Borgia in English. All item qualities are grey to white.

A small plain wooden box, with a gold-looking clasp.

Upon opening, the person would be granted anxiety, depression, empathy, and self-loathing, or an increase of the same, to the point they'd often wish they'd never existed.

If by "defeated" you mean "killed outright", there'd also be a small slip of paper saying "Thank you."

Pee

A bunch of replacement organs that would look nice on first look but would actually drain your stamina at 5 % per year.

I would have the RPG classic, a few medicinal herbs

• 3 copper
• 1 Linen Cloth
• 1 Crucial BX500

Truly worthless items

I fully intend to go out like a minecraft zombie, so whenever I leave home I carry a nearly broken shovel, an iron ingot, or a carrot.

Egg

Anxiety, and some cupcakes

Empty beer can, an overly expensive but highly niche PC part (for example a fiber channel card or backup capacitors for raid controllers), a guitar pick, and an airport lounge access card.

Probably a locked cell phone, a keyring with some unidentifiable keys on it and a wallet with cards but no cash in it.

A 20-foot-long sarissa, not because I'm armed with one but because that's what you rolled on the drop table.

None, I self-destruct when defeated

• phone
• watch
• handkerchief
• wallet
• sigh of relief
• performance of "screw you guys, I'm goin' home"

Legendary rhombus of doubt

Random electronics components, tools, or sex toys.

If I'm in everyday clothes, a Leatherman Skeletor and a pair of ear buds.

If I'm at work... a Leatherman Signal and a pair of ear buds. And 8 zip ties.

A phone, a wallet, assorted keys, a pair of gloves.

Two eyes, a brain, a liver, two kidneys, 10 fingers and 10 toes.

Fuck if I know how it takes some people 30 kills to collect 5 eyes.

Trick question, I will never be defeated.

i dunno, but whatever it is will forever curse the scavenger in ways that linger long after the loot is discarded or destroyed.

3 randomly rolled unique quality items off a table of 1000. All 1000 of them have flavor text that eludes to them having hidden stats, but actually 500 of them have no stats at all and the 500 others modify stats irrelevant to the game with things like "30% more percentages" and +0.0001% more ‽"