Comic Strips is a community for those who love comic stories.
The rules are simple:
Web of links
Honestly same thing happens when we talk about men.
Tons of women coming up, saying "women have it worse" and attempting to minimize the importance if men's issues.
Let's just listen to both sides for once, and make everyone heard. When everyone is given a platform to speak, there's no need to interrupt each other.
I was really hoping the comments here would be better.
Embarassing, tbh.
I follow a lot of women on socials, including this artist, and this shit happens on pretty much every post they make. It's crazy to me some of them have the willpower to continue creating and posting because i sure wouldn't.
To everyone saying they've never seen this happen, but the opposite happens all the time, I'd like you to try something. Show this comic to a woman in your life and ask if they've ever felt this way. Just try it, and listen more than you talk.
Yeah, but no
There are assholes on both sides, like it or not.
Yes, there are loads of men who don't deserve the name, that put women down, who can only be happy on the back of women. Fuck them
Having said that, I very much remember that video of guys going to a support group for men that committed uicide with feminists waiting for them outside to yell things like "it's good that he killed himself!". Fuck those assholes too.
Can we maybe ALL be nice to EVERYONE?
I'm sorry, but this comic doesn't help. The reality is that both men and women face the same nonsense when they bring up what they have to contend with so how about we don't try to disparage either side? Listen to both sides? You know, the thing we should be always doing?
I’ve seen the opposite of this happen way more often. In fact, I think we should take care to let people speak on these issues without diminishing or having another issue hijack the discussion.
Anyone should be able to talk about their issues without being told that it doesn’t matter because there’s some other issue.
Upvote though because I like the discussion.
Honestly, I agree men's issues do need to be seriously discussed, but it's wrong to hijack discussion about women's issues to talk about men's issues. The reverse is also true.
I agree with this and I'd also add that bringing up men's issues to try to silence discussion of women's issues then harms men as well because people associate discussion of men's issues with that type of shit behaviour.
While I agree with this sentiment, IME it is very rarely intended to silence discussion of women's issues, and is usually related to hyperbolic statements like "men are trash" or protest signs like "not all men but always a man" (both from a lemmy post I partook in "attempting to silence" last month.) Imo it's reasonable to take offense, disagree, and express both of those feelings wherever I see it to call it out. I am not trying to silence women, I just want them to treat me with the same respect I treat them, if they don't want me to say "all women are trash" because two women have literally raped me (except for the definition of rape in my area calls for penetration specifically, so legally forcing me to have sex with them was at most "sexual assault," which while I'm mentioning it fuck that bullshit, but I digress), then they shouldn't get to call me trash because someone who is not me, I'm not friends with, and who I've never even met, raped them either. I, as a male rape victim, am expected to be able to separate "those women" from "all women" lest I be an "incel" (though, by the definition of incel I think being raped twice negates that alone, yet they still call you one for being a victim and mad about being lumped in with the aggressors for the crime of having the same genitals as their aggressor), and all I'm asking for is the same in return. We can stand with victims and against abusers, it doesn't have to be male victims vs woman victims vs abusers battle royale.
/rant.
Sorry, I happen to care about this topic a lot, being personally effected and all lol.
I've actually seen the opposite happen more often than the former. Both online and irl. A guy starts complaining about things and a cacophony of women show up to tell him how he'll never understand what it's like to be a woman.
Whenever I do see the opposite and when the guy interjects all that's said is "there's a time and a place to talk about men's issues" but like when is it then?
Yeah I really don't see the situation in the comic often at all. I won't say it doesn't happen, but I've personally witnessed way more of this reactionary diversion when men are discussing their unique issues.
I think it is most often when these conversations happen online that vocal reactionaries try to derail the conversation. More often than not, local and private dialogues I've been apart of and around tend to be more civil. In fact, both men and women seem to be on the same side when they voice their issues to each other face-to-face. I think cameras can also sour the situation, since it can put people on edge to be recorded.
At the same time, while there is a massive amount of people who get behind feminist movements and those who back counter-feminist movements, there is very few of those same counter-feminists who seem to actually ever participate in man wellbeing support infrastructure, hence why that infrastructure does not materialize. It seems that a good portion of folks only seem to pipe up as a direct counter to women trying to advocate for themselves, and then are silent and frugal when men are trying to advocate for themselves non-adversarily. I'd argue there are many people who are trying to attack both as they try to uphold the status quo.
We saw this reactionary behavior against feminist advocacy during Gamergate, as a great example - specifically when talking about the events related to Anita Sarkeesian's 'Tropes vs Women in Video games'. I went back and watched that series, and overall the points are fair criticisms of videogame writing (and honestly tropes in media in general). I don't think that anything Anita pointed out was even that vilifying either. The overall response, however, was very toxic and dismissive, and was paired with a harassment campaign.
We saw a similar backlash from a vocal minority for most subsequent feminist actions surrounding cases of sexual abuse such as "Me Too" being countered by protests such as the "HimToo" movement. There's no reason both these conversations couldn't happen but it always seems that they only ever show up at the same time, and try to steal each others thunder.
We could also talk about the Depp v Heard court case, which had extreme levels of toxicity across the board, with large portions of folks on either side choosing to view one side as exclusively as a lying abuser and the other as completely exalted of any blame when what was being shown was an relationship full of mutual toxicity.
Both scenarios are possible and it is shitty to use whataboutism in both scenarios.
Whenever I do see the opposite and when the guy interjects all that's said is "there's a time and a place to talk about men's issues" but like when is it then?
When it’s not being used as a whataboutism.
When it’s not being used as a whataboutism.
Ever seen a discussion about men complaining that they are assumed to be a threat just for being male get derailed by comments that it isn't a problem worth complaining about compared to women's issues? Or when the topic of how sexual abuse of boys is extremely common gets derailed as not really being an issue and dismissed by crime stats that often exclude non-penatrating sexual assaults?
Yes it sucks when whataboutism is used to dismiss complaints, but it is also frustrating that the same whataboutism is used to silence discussion that is about the issues that men face.
Ever seen a discussion about men complaining that they are assumed to be a threat just for being male get derailed by comments that it isn't a problem worth complaining about compared to women's issues?
No I haven’t ever seen that. But that would be an example of whataboutism so pretty shitty thing to say.
Or when the topic of how sexual abuse of boys is extremely common gets derailed as not really being an issue and dismissed by crime stats that often exclude non-penatrating sexual assaults?
No I haven’t ever seen thing either but again that is dismissive and a terrible way to invalidate a legitimate problem.
Yes it sucks when whataboutism is used to dismiss complaints, but it is also frustrating that the same whataboutism is used to silence discussion that is about the issues that men face.
So you feel whataboutism/dismissive responses are only used against men? Or do you agree that that is not a good way to respond to legitimate issues regardless of gender?
So feel whataboutism/dismissive responses are only used against men? Or do you agree that that is not a good way to respond to legitimate issues regardless of gender?
I am saying whataboutism is to commonly used to dismiss both men's and women's issues and it sucks in both cases.
So you feel whataboutism/dismissive responses are only used against men? Or do you agree that that is not a good way to respond to legitimate issues regardless of gender?
They're agreeing with you it seems to me, and sharing their anecdotes that despite that reality which they agree with, let me re-emphasize that, despite that reality (that using one gender's struggles to whatabout another's is considered both ineffective and borders on conflict-seeking, inherently), that in their experience, they have seen the same the same whatabout tactics used to dismantle discussion when a "male centric" issue is the discussion catalyst, as when it's a "female centric" issue originating the discourse.
I can't speak for that other commenter to your follow up question though, so I'll answer it for myself: I do not feel that whataboutism/dismissive responses are only used against men, no.
As a matter of fact, I feel that they're employed more often to stiffle discussions on "woman centric" concerns precisely because of how little Men's issues are discussed, and the reason for both is the same. That this is a side effect of the patriarchal systems in place doesn't absolve either side from the requirement to be genuine if genuine discourse is sought, though.
I have seen what the commenter is mentioning and right here on Lemmy to boot. Because whether male or female, a whatabout is an easy rhetorical blanket to reach for, and many do.
I believe that both genders (including and specially men, who must own up to the fact that collectively we're the gender with the greater frequency of offense against other genders if we're ever going to get to addressing why it's the same systemic patriarchal roots binding women's rights that choke out the existence of men's rights issues) have to be willing to communicate.
Women in aggregate are crying to be heard, but "TooManyMen" aren't listening that they're (women) speaking for them both too, and I feel those men who are able to hear some of that message need to help out in stopping the whataboutism wall in their brothers before they get going...
The same way that I believe there's women who need to do the same for many of their sisters in the public square.
Divided is how we've gotten to this, unapologetically more viscerally dangerous for womanhood world that pretty much always has been, but I feel that it is united that we'll reach any dreams of equity or widespread understanding between the genders, if we ever will.
In short, I agree "that that [whataboutism tainting discourse] is not a good way to respond to legitimate issues regardless of gender", but the mere axiomatic observation falls short of the next step:
Both sides need to acknowledge and give each other the room to voice out their feelings, views, ideas, etc, genuinely (trolls and agitators need not be entertained) while still keeping an eye for the possibility that unity lies not in knowing the correct answer but in the shared questioning.
Fellas let's do (and encourage our brothers to) better whether we think it's fair or not, and ladies, understand (and share with the sisters who it's safe to) that a hypocrite and someone whose barriers are breaking will appear briefly as the same before change is undergone.
Women in aggregate are crying to be heard, but "TooManyMen" aren't listening that they're (women) speaking for them both too...
I'm one of those "~~TooMany~~AllMen." My problem isn't women speaking about womens issues, my problem is when they do so with signs like we recently had an uproar about here on lemmy, signs that say stuff like "Not all men but always a man." To me that sign says "Fine, you bitch when we say every one of you does it? Here, not all of you do it, but no women do it ever, no man or boy has ever been raped by a woman." When I see some obvious bullshit like that, as a male rape victim of two different women, I'm calling it out. It is what it is.
Don't want me to call out obvious bullshit? Find better slogans than "All men™" "Not all men but always a man," or the all too common comment which graced that thread as usual when these things are discussed: "Men are trash." If I said "All women" do goddamn anything someone would be right here to tell me I'm a wrong incelbigot, if I said "women are trash" I might get whole ass instance banned, but when the turn tables all of a sudden it's "yaaasssss qween girlboss."
Why must we exclude victims, even lumping them in as de facto aggressors by gender? Why can't it be all victims vs all abusers? The men are in aggregate crying to be heard too, but we're told we need to "let women speak," at best. At least that's better than "You must've enjoyed it because of your body's natural uncontrollable biological responses, you're a gay pussy, she's hot stop complaining," or any of the other myriad of dismissals I've been told personally as have most male victims.
Tbf, the times I usually see it "hijacked" it's because of signs like "not all men but always a man" completely pretending that male rape victims don't exist, or comments like "men are trash" under the post. If I ever in my life saw a post about male victims that said "women are trash" or had comparable signs and women complained, I would see that as totally justified.
Rage bait. These posts aren't created to do anything other than get people mad at each other.
Twitter normalized of extremely simplistic expression of complicated issues which leads to all kinds of kneejerk reactions. Some men misinterpret whatever complaint as being about them and turn defensive, and of course the most aggressive of those voices are amplified by social media. The inflammatory comments beget more inflammatory comments, reasonable people quickly exit the space and this is what you end up with.
I firmly believe it's social media that's to blame.
For sure social medias are a big part of it.
I understand that "all men are trash" and the likes are generalizations about men, not me specifically. But when you see these lines make rounds and rounds again, it can makes you question yourself even if you've done nothing wrong. And that's a big hit to self-esteem and anxiety.
Some men misinterpret whatever complaint as being about them
I think that's reasonable if the complaint is about men in general, or specifically calls out all men.
I'd like to, whenever possible, move away from women's issues or men's issues towards people's issues.
It's a good thing to do that, but some issues really are heavily affected by gender
Why does everything have to be so us-vs.-them? We all share the same planet.
This is potentially gender construct and sexism getting directly in the way of advocacy against real issues. Women start a protest advocating against a very real issue they face, by women for women, and it is spun as a direct attack on men. Same thing happens for men's advocacy.
"...For the Master's tool will never dismantle the master's house. They may allow us temporarily to beat him at his own game, but they will never enable us to bring about genuine change. And this fact is only threatening to those women who still define the master's house as their only source of support..." - Audre Large, in "Master's Tools Will Never Take Down the Master's House"
I don't think most would blame many women for the practices they do in public to stay safe, despite the behavior explicitly being sexist. This is because we understand that in absence of these kinds of behaviors, women do actually get prayed upon, most often by men. It's the reality of a dangerous world. however, we get angry when the statements and phrases used to justify these behaviors are said aloud.
What we fail to acknowledge is that that same kind of victimization is possible to a guy. Most guys would find the idea of deliberately using the bathroom at the same time as their friend as weird, possibly even girly. Machismo stereotypes and trying to conform to manliness actively makes men more vulnerable .
We also downplay women being violent, yet again a gender stereotype which not only lets women get physical in public, but actually also makes women easier to dismiss when they're angry and yelling. This not only lets women get away with toxic behavior, but robs them of being taken seriously at other times.
These are both issues caused by gender, which is also actively defining how advocacy happens and creates an arbitrary divide.
This meme is selling shovels, and the comments here are more than happy to dig holes it seems.
People are reenacting the point of the comic in real time, it's wild.
Can't imagine why Lemmy is like this after carefully selecting the most opinionated Redditors for its community.
I have never seen this happen. I am sure it happens. Perhaps we can leave these toxic people behind. Regardless of gender, color, ...
I've seen it happen in both directions. I've seen more of it being the opposite as in the meme, but I'm a man so am more likely to see those instances. My female friends have had the opposite experience, probably for the same reason
Ppl that make these kinds of comics clearly do not socialize with others irl. This only happens online with other trolls, from everywhere on the spectrum of whatever group. But irl, most people are pretty decent.
I've noticed this an uncomfortable amount on Lemmy. Being trans, I've started bringing up my pretransition experience/traumas living as a dude even if it's not relevant whenever I talk about a women's issue that effects me because I don't get taken seriously otherwise.
Well, actually, lately I've taken up just not talking about women's issues, and really just commenting less frequently over all, because this whole place is like a mine field of people who just wanna argue. Every time before I hit send I have to think "Is somebody gonna think this is about them and get pissed with me?" And 99% of the time the answer is yes.
I love when I'm explaining a struggle of mine that is cause of who I am and then being enrolled in the oppression Olympics.
Um, yes. This might happen a lot less if these issues that need to be talked about aren't all blamed on guys. But still yes; we constantly hear about women's problems in various media all the time, while men are usually stuck having to use some comment section to talk about their problem.
We have groups like !mensliberation@lemmy.ca available for talking about men's issues. The problem is that these groups often attract users who explicitly want to blame the issues faced by men, mostly or entirely on women. This derails the conversation similarly, and robs men of the autonomy to improve their situation, since if women are entirely to blame then there is little men can do to help themselves than pressure women to change (a bad solution). Plenty of users there try to shut that kind of toxicity down there, luckily. That does not stop that kind of interaction, though.
Think about the similar history of the Incel movement being hijacked by misogynists.
There are issues which both genders cause for each other, but there many more issues which every gender causes for themselves as well. It is best that we all own those issues we cause at the same time that we find solutions (for both internal and external issues) which don't cause issues for others. Otherwise we'll just continue in a war of the sexes.
Hey wait ... I'm in a comment section now!
WRT the first panel, I feel that way too.
That said, is this ragebait?
I'm just going to speak my mind as a Closeted transwoman who would looks like a guy
I didn't honestly want to get involved with this thread at all in fear of creating an absolute mess
But being trans myself I see myself having empathy for both woman's and men's rights because I know and understand the issues men are facing and see the issues woman are facing
I don't like seeing the devide on either side and absolutely hate seeing the division and fighting especially when people advocate for men's rights or woman's rights
I personally advocate for both because I see everyone having rights as part of equality and equity and if you don't want any one group to have rights then that isn't equality or equity
We should be free to talk about both men's rights and woman's rights without being attacked for it
The way this comment section unironically mirrors the comic perfectly.
So many dudes here unironically talking about how men have it hard too 🤦♂️