Ask Lemmy

I'm a leftist dude living in one of the most leftist cities in a generally leftist and progressive country (although partly less so at the moment...) so generally have no issues with different political views and morals, most people are nice.

I matched with a girl on a dating app only for vegans because I was tired of having to ask about it, deal with having an omnivore partner and of having idiots match with me only to be assholes towards me from mentioning it in my bio.
We texted for about a week and got along super well, she was very into me and was the first to ask for a date so we set one up.
The date started great too, we really clicked and I thought she was one of the most beautiful humans I'd ever seen. Then as we're about to finish our food and pay the bill she tells me that I need to pay for it, I ask why (I happily would have, but was just interested in the reason) and she tells me that since I'm male I need to "atone" for all the bad shit men has done to women throughout human history... I thought she was joking but she really wasn't. I was so floored that I didn't know what to say so I just said nothing, I paid for my food and just left.
I wrote with her a few times after that out of morbid curiosity and asked more about her political views etc. and it wasn't good. She was not a feminist in my view, she was a man-hater and a militant extreme leftist with many morally fucked up views.

I'm just glad I found this out on the first date and dodged a bullet.

Asked a girl out on a date. She invited me over to watch a movie with her at her parents house (we were in our late teens). I arrived; her recently deceased family dog and incredibly distressed mother were both in the kitchen. Dog was a really big golden retriever that had been euthanized, and the mom had bought him home? Not sure why? Maybe to bury in the back yard or something? Idk

Anyway I offered to leave but she was insistent that we watch the movie together, which we did, on the couch, with her mom crying in the next room. Halfway through the movie the mom screams he's still alive, he's still alive. Go into the kitchen, she'd gone to move the body and it had expelled air and made some noise. I had to explain, with my best year 12 biology, what had happened. Five minutes of this woman losing her shit with grief out of her beloved companion dying.

Girl insisted we watch the last 10 minutes of the movie, it finishes with us watching in silence, I get up to leave and said something stupid like hey I'd love to do this again sometime and she says "I have a boyfriend"

I'm like alright well that's that then and didn't put in any more effort. Stupid me, she was hot and I really liked her. Being a dipshit I wrote a song about it, using the three guitar chords I knew, which takes me to act ii.....

....five years later, I'm at a party, exchanging worst first date stories with friends and fellow partygoers including a cute blonde. I wait my turn, tell the story, she laughs her arse off and then goads me into singing the song, accompanying myself poorly on the guitar. I absolutely fucking nail it, everyone is in stitches, sit down next to her and the night goes from there. We end up leaving the party for a walk down to the local beach, made out on the beach, things get frisky, jump in a cab back to my house, in bed together, have drunken sex....which results in a broken condom. She lives literally the other side of town so we have to wait till (a) I'm sober enough to drive and (b) pharmacy is open to get a plan b, then have the most awkward drive back to her house. Get there, offer to walk her to the door, she says no, kisses me goodbye in the car, then texts me...to say she has a boyfriend.

A friend persuaded me to go on a date with a girl I wasn't particularly into. We went for a meal, then she wanted to go clubbing. But I'm not into that either, so she broke down in tears. I was pretty sure I hadn't said anything that bad, but then the story came out: her ex-partner had the same first name and job as me, and the meal and clubbing were his favourite things, but he'd been found dead in another country with his common law wife and kids, and the similarity to me was effectively his coming back from the dead to be with her again.

No there wasn't a second date. I haven't seen her since either. Neither have I taken dating advice off that friend since, although we are still friends.

I took my current gf and my parents to a nice restaurant last night. She mentioned she'd only been there once before, on a date, and that the only reason they went to that restaurant (very $$$) is because he had a gift card and was going to cover the meal. Orders all kinds of expensive stuff. The bill comes and then supposedly he realizes his gift card, if it actually existed in the first place, was for a different restaurant. She ended up having to pay on her CC because he had no other forms of payment. Obviously didn't work out for him in the end.

Stuff like these stories terrifies me from ever dating, even though I feel the sadness of being alone more and more. And I'm on my mid 30s but I just can't imagine being in more awkward situations than the ones I'm already forced to be.

We were teenagers and I went to her house in the boonies to shoot crossbows and play NBA Jam. Sounds ideal, right? So after shooting trees for a while she asks if I want to shoot her hamster.

Maybe she was trying to be edgy or funny but I was so disturbed I made an excuse and started walking home (which was hours away). I finally managed to hitch a ride with this creepy couple into town (but that's a whole other story - definitely did not give those two my home address).

Dude tried to rape me. Might be his worst date too because he left with multiple broken fingers and a broken nose. It could have been better for me / worse for him if the cops took it seriously, but the fact that I fought back and he wasn't actually successful in raping me was enough for the cops to wave it away as a domestic dispute that self-resolved when I left.

It was going okay before dude started bragging about how he went out with a lady not too long before. He wasn't all that into her and he said she clearly wasn't into him, but he paid for dinner and guilted her into going home with him because he "might as well get something out of paying for her." Giant red flag at this point. I went to the bathroom, when I came back the bill was on the table. He claimed that the server had brought it as one bill, rather than separate, and pointed out that she'd drawn a heart around the total in red pen. He refused to let me pay for my portion.

The thing is, it's standard practice for servers to ask if the bill should be together or separate here, and I'd always been asked at that particular bar. Dude wasn't a local and clearly didn't know that. This guy told me about how he used "but I paid so now you owe me" to coerce a woman he knew wasn't interested into having sex with him, and then immediately tried the same bullshit on me. He had deliberately asked for a single bill while I was away from the table. I'm reasonably certain he's the one who drew the heart on the bill too.

Needless to say, it didn't work. He still tried to drag me off to catch the train in his direction with him and got real upset when I told him to fuck himself and bolted. I'm very glad it was an early date so it was still light out. This guy did not take kindly to being told no.

She was an hour and a half late. I only waited for her because she was responding to my messages, apologized for her tardiness, and said a couple times she'd be there within 20-30 minutes which led to a 90-minute wait). Once she got there, she told me that she was late because she was having some anxiety that day and went to a friend's to smoke a bowl first. She chainsmoked on the patio, and I sat away from her because I don't want to smell that while I'm eating. She told me about a terrible book she was writing, with the sort of stupid plot you'd get from r/writingprompts. And then she said she needed to get high again and asked me if I wanted to come to her car with her while she did. I declined and said I was gonna head home. Proceeded to promply never see her again.

I had one where she obviously wasn't actually interested and just came for the free food cause she was poor. I hung out for a bit, bought her an extra meal to go and then just left.

Date was fine enough, when the girl gave me a handy like she was trying to strip me with sandpaper, that's where things went south.

It was a date with the popular boy from school. I was either eight or seven while he was either seven or six, we were in a venue we chose to go to on our own without our parents. It was a whim decision because we just thought that's what boyfriends and girlfriends did, we were barely monetarily prepared nor did we think to change out of our school uniform. Little me ruined the date by guiding its course too much and dictating when each step of the date took place before putting him in a position to pay. In hindsight I feel bad.

A first date was already not going well, and I said I needed to go. He decided that wasn't happening. Ended up having to run away from him, literally, through a park area while wearing heels to reach my car. It was daytime and many people saw what was happening, but no one did a thing to help. But I'm sure if it hadn't been daytime, he wouldn't have "let me" get away after catching me. There were just too many eyes on him.

I wore comfortable shoes I can run in to all first dates after that.