Oh good, the blight on the world that is agile continues to spread
this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2024
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Programming
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"Hi team, customers observing BigCannon is missing enemy about 90% of time since latest update. Red faction reported issue 4pm ET today and opposing Blue faction was able to re-pro. Can we get all hands on deck to deep dive and push a fix by midnight so both sides can start reliably shooting at each other again before tomorrow morning? Thanks"
before tomorrow morning?
DoD contractor: Sure can, but it will cost you huge.
(Lies about the former, 100% accurate on the latter.)
I don't understand how Agile became synonymous with "useless meetings." I thought the whole point of Agile was to minimize wasted work.
Management trying to look useful
My "scrum leader" (who we handled agile just fine without before) is constantly complaining about points or priorities shifting, to the point that he'll tell us to not put what we're actually working on on the board because it'll mess up the burndown chart.
One of the 4 values of agile is "responding to change over following a plan". He's parroted this to us before, and yet still doesn't seem to see the irony.
Agile was about reducing the power of micro-managers. They would have understood that if they could read.
how many story point does an american need to kill an innocent person in gaza?
Giving bombs to Israel without condition is a.... 6 point story I think
I think it needs to be 5 or 8 so it's a number from the Fibonacci scale.
It is also important that there is no possible way that a story point can meaningfuly represent time.
So more meetings about meetings, a 2h daily standup, and a follow-up meeting about blockers.
This will ultimately lead to world peace as every army is in meetings all day.
Let's make a meeting to schedule a workshop about useless meetings then. That'll fix all issues. Oh and we need a meeting to communicate the findings. And a retro.
Do we need some tickets for that? I'll schedule a planning.
And some emergency meetings to talk about our low velocity.
Edit: and that isn't too far off of our "agile" work 😭
Cool
and yet y'all are also gonna keep trying to use Agile too