this post was submitted on 03 Jan 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] EdibleFriend@lemmy.world 38 points 10 months ago (1 children)

You know god damn well she's not gonna order a Jesus at all and just nibble at yours.

[–] HootinNHollerin@slrpnk.net 8 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

I recall seeing an item on a menu once that said something like “girlfriend’s not hungry: an extra long fork, $0.00” or “the freeloader: extra long fork, $0.00”

[–] EdibleFriend@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

ive seen one like that added a bit more fries lol

[–] Jorgelino@lemmy.ml 27 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

There's a guaraná flavored soda in brazil called "Jesus", so this makes perfect sense to me.

[–] Daft_ish@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

Jesus, I'm parched.

[–] Zachariah@lemmy.world 14 points 10 months ago (1 children)

someone to hear your prayers

[–] KreekyBonez@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago (2 children)
[–] einlander@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Just reach out and touch Faith.

[–] ersatz@infosec.pub 5 points 10 months ago

Always go with the personal jesus. Everyone can get one tailored to their own taste and there's no worry about leaving anyone out or having to follow his teachings and shit. My dad wants an anchovy jesus that lets him be a racist, while my buddy wants a pepperoni jesus that lets him cheat on his wife while justifying it to himself. Personal jesus makes all of this possible.

[–] originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com 5 points 10 months ago (2 children)

are we talkin hollow jesus, or solid?

the hollow ones always seem to taste better

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Chicago style deep dish Jesus.

[–] originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com 11 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)
[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago (2 children)
[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 10 months ago

The ~Cheesus~ Jesus is under the tomato sauce. Lurking.

[–] originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com 7 points 10 months ago

you can find jesus within

[–] ScrollerBall@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I thought he was like pull-apart bread

[–] Num10ck@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago (2 children)
[–] grue@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago

Nah, you've got him confused with Supply-Side Jesus.

[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

Trans-substantiation means that he levens in your stomach.

[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

I mean that's basically just Eucharist.

[–] gedaliyah@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

Well, you know it's not just how hungry you are, It's A Matter Of Time.

[–] dantheclamman@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

Just saw them live and it was an incredible concert. Highly recommended if you can attend their present tour

[–] empireOfLove2@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)
[–] einlander@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

Don't forget to get Jesus juice.

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

Rachelle smirks like Nicolas Cage

"I'm gonna steal the Jesus statue of Rio de Janeiro."

And just put it on her lawn.

[–] Godric@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

Ugh, people who get Jesus for the table and then to pawn it off are the worst. Like at least get something interesting if you're gonna try and push it on someone

[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 1 points 10 months ago

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