Asklemmy

Fall really far a lot. Stick sticks to big sticks. Throw fruit to avoid confrontation. Frequent fashion changes. Still can’t pet dogs.

It would have been easier to just fix the crashed ship than to build a whole factory to make a new one

Hit things with fists so that you can hit them with farming implements later on.

It’s the pew pew game. You go pew pew and everyone is like aaaaargh, and then you take their stuff. Bigger guns, more pew pew.

You're supposed to be looking for your kidnapped son, but that's kinda hard in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Might as well just do whatever you want and hopefully run into him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

get things; make things;

You pull animal-like creatures from their natural habitats to make them fight each other in a way that they somehow consent, in a franchise that systematically weeds out the good ideas from each game while retaining the bad ones.

I'm looking for a gun that makes holes, but not bullet holes. You'll figure it out.

Five assholes, four idiots, and then there's me.

Keep doing the same damn show over and over, the definition of insanity.

Might refer to more games than one, but just let it be.

Because anyway, you eventually lose your humanity.

Experience xenophobia as a lizard-person in a racism simulator

Smug accelerating rodent and company gaze on in horror as a mad scientst pisses on the moon.

Very, very flat people open a very, very old door.

Incompetent engineer arrives to work late, botches an experiment, and ends up ripping a hole in the universe to a world full of "creatures". He then mercilessly murders the scared creatures while sabotaging efforts by security forces, and an elderly man in a suit, to resolve the situation.

You're a disenfranchised spacefaring race perpetually performing an, ultimately, menial task in an extremely hostile and dangerous environment. You only exist to create wealth for the company, at the expense of your health and wellbeing. Personal relationships are fleeting as you only interact with strangers you are randomly teamed up with to complete a job at which the company has neither adequately trained or equipped you to do well. Climbing the social ladder in your community is a function of finding ways to more efficiently extract resources from a ripe planet unable to sufficiently defend itself from your advanced technology.

I don't think I followed your prompt, but I got carried a way.

Your caretaker offers you cake so you kill her. Twice.

You settle a dispute between two snakes who can't agree on whether or not to turn off the light. Not as many swamp levels as the sequels.

Just trying to live my life and get with big tiddied Cleopatra. Gandhi comes over and cock blocks me with nukes. That's all right though, my Giant Death Robot is teabagging Delhi right now while I launch a satellite. - Abe Lincoln

You are the Janitor's assistant.

You leave every single room looking like a literal tornado passed through.

You are, in all probability, the best assistant the janitor has had.

This displeases some of the higher-ups, but they don't seem to be able to do anything to stop you or the janitor.

Another game: God is about to die literally any minute now, but it's probably fine because God is really, really, really fast.

You spend hundreds of hours gaining XP in a skill you'll never actually use

Commit genocide and destroy the environment for fun and profit!

In a world full of robots you live your live in the wilds until your stepdad gets killed and all of a sudden all these religious tribes around you want you to save humanity.

There is a box. It's a very old box. It might have a thing in it. Everyone tells you to not open it. The game tells you to not open it. You probably opened it on your first playthrough.

moon's haunted

Navy SEAL tries to convince the government that mechacuttlefish aren't a conspiracy theory.

One armed topless homosexual tricks gullible mass murderer with a shape changing laser sword into freeing him from super sleep meanwhile robin williams impersonator fools an entire religious group into believing he is not one of them somehow hiding his space wizard powers from all the other space wizards before basically killing them all.

A man gets a scam letter and decides to figure out why he is being catfished.

A russian dude with schizophrenia is stuck in the subway

A farmer coughs in your face, and then you slowly get sick and eventually die.

You fuck your way until you gather a big enough force to save the Galaxy from blue squids

A ginger lass fighting with appliances while suffering from aggressive hay fever.

A man's quest to murder their father turns the whole world upside down.

Worker that wants to unionize destroys all his company's shit with a hammer.