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Lucky for me my parents were both "I didn't save anything for retirement, my kids will take care of me when I'm older", so I don't have to suffer through this.
Edit: This comment was intended as a sarcastic way to say "Your father's awful parenting failed to turn you into an awful person", but it was both phrased poorly and in the event based on false assumptions. Read the replies. I'm leaving it up for context.
Well, at least he fathered a decent kid, it seems. I don't think it was his intention for you to turn out so decent, so I wouldn't give him credit for that, but I guess he did something right despite all his efforts.
He didn't, though.
Foster Care, then they adopted me.
Uhhhh at least... they...
nah, I got nothing. I can't even muster a sarcastic backhanded defense for poor foster parents. Fuck that guy, and I'm glad you turned out well despite him.
You're a good person. I don't normally share, but I feel I should.
I was put in foster care when I was 6/7 (I don't remember well).
When I was 12, after 7 foster homes, my parents lost all parental rights. I was put up for adoption.
At that time, I was still with one of my brothers in a foster home.
We were told a couple was interested in us. We meet them a number of times, and had a few weekends at their place to test run it. They weren't great, but they weren't worse than other foster homes, so we decided to give it a try.
My brother lasted about 9 months before asking to go back to foster care. I decided to stay, because I was tired of moving.
I was adopted at 14, and moved out on my own at 17. I was tired of being reminded I was broken in some ways.
Fast forward to me being 21 and in the navy. We start talking again. By then I was beginning to learn what I now consider my personal morals. He was still racist. I wasn't.
Fast forward to a few years ago. He's still wildly racist. More so than before. I am now a very liberal person, advocating for homeless rights foster youth assistance, LGBTQIA+ rights, and equality all around. I have finally had enough. I call his bullshit out. About 2 years passes, and his 14th heart attack takes him.
That was 2 years ago. My oldest is 24. My next oldest is 18. They never met him. I just couldn't bring myself to introduce them to the old school hate.
I grew up strongly religious. There's only so much "You're a dirty sinner and all your suffering is God's plan" you can take. I think I know how you feel.
Damn, even Death really didn't want him, huh?
I think that's the right choice. I wish the best for ypu and yours.
No, some people just raise up to the task.
I hate this idea that parents "did something good" if they are pieces of shit but their kids turn out good. Especially if there is no evidence of it. Why people feel the need to do that is a mystery for me, like protecting the bad guy at any cost.
Oh no, I'm not saying he did good. I'm saying he failed to do bad.
Sorry you got caught in the crossfire, but you did say, out of the blue:
Yeah, you're right, the phrasing was awkward - the "despite his best efforts" was an attempt to subvert that sentence, but I guess it didn't land.
No problem, I was probably nitpicking too.
It's a valid thing to point out, important even to add context and nuance. I can't know whether my point gets across right unless someone tells me, and I'd rather have someone point out where I could be misunderstood.
Have a nice week!
Hey thank you! Have a great week too!
Right = correct. Not necessarily "good."
It is the "correct" thing to obey the law, but since not all laws are good laws, obeying the law isn't always "good."
You're missing the point.
No this reasoning is flawed and used as an excuse for bad behavior. My father justified his alcoholism to himself by pointing out how independent all the kids turned out since he was useless, or how good we were with money because we could sense a scam from a young age as he was always trying to scam/manipulate us.
You can teach someone to cross the road by explaining the dangers and process to them, or you can teach them by driving enough cars into them that they either figure it out themselves (and carry the scars forever) or die. That doesn't make you a good teacher
I think you missed the "despite all his efforts" - I'm trying to make a backhanded defense, along the lines of "You were a shit parent, but hey, your kid was alright, so I guess you failed", but I phrased it awkwardly.
I very much know your position though. Someone close to me had a similar issue with their parent, who forced them to become self-reliant since the parent in question was neglectful at best.