ADHD

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A casual community for people with ADHD

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Relevant Lemmy communities:

Neurodivergent Life Hacks

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founded 1 year ago

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rejection anxiety and real pain (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by Mighty@lemmy.world to c/adhd@lemmy.world

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Hey there. I am incredibly sad, downright depressed and mentally exhausted.

I wanted to celebrate my birthday yesterday for the first time (maybe ever?) with lots of nice people. I invited about 30-50 people. Some, I invited personally, some just casually through groups. Lots of those people I thought of as somehow close and friendly.

I exhausted myself in the effort of preparing the party, I rented a room, I prepared photos, activities, food, music, and just put a lot of mental energy into the planning. I have been planning it for about 2 months, invited those who were most important to me back then even.

5 people showed up.

I am devastated. I was always so anxious about my birthday and never celebrated it. I think I removed myself from groups a lot in my life. And only the last two years, I've started to understand my diagnosis and how to communicate with people. This throws all my anxiety and pain back into my body and brain.

I don't know how to deal with it. Especially I don't know how to interact with the people that were important to me and who didn't show (or those who didn't even cancel). My past behaviour was burning down all the bridges. I don't think I should do that. But I also don't know how to pretend like it doesn't hurt....

Any advice about rejection anxiety and ... well, real rejection?

Thank you.

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[–] CosmicTurtle0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

A lot of commenters here are saying a lot of similar things. I'll offer my own insights.

As people get older, you have less time. Between maintaining a relationship, doing chores, work, etc, there are so many hours to do things.

As a result, a lot of FOMO happens. It's not about you. It's them. They may plan to come to your birthday. They may even want to. But suddenly, something else comes along that they want to do instead.

I don't plan big events anymore. I'm in my 40s and just dgaf whether people make time for me or not. I'll ask one or two friends if they'd like to go out to dinner for my birthday or some event.

[–] Mighty@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Thanks.

It's a bit disheartening that so many people relate but nobody can really help me with my question as to what to do now...

[–] CosmicTurtle0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 month ago

What you do now is let it go. Don't hold onto the resentment because at the end of the day, they didn't care enough to spend time with you. Some may have had good reasons. Others may not have.

It's their issue. The best you can do is to spend more time with the folks that did come. Ask the 5 friends (or one or two) if they want to do something with you next week. Pick an activity. Doesn't matter what.