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What should I do about my parents moving closer. (lemmy.ca)

submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by Mycatiskai@lemmy.ca to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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A few years back my sister passed away, I'm now the only child my parents have left. They live a few hours away and have for as long as I have been with my partner (7 years).

My parents are planning on moving to the place we now live to be closer to me. This has my partner worried that they will be over often or I will be over at their house more often. Her parents are very far away so can only visit once a year.

My parents are not the kind of people to show up uninvited to anyone's house. They likely will come over once a month for dinner and I will probably go over by myself once a week.

We are both pretty private people so not having anyone over is just how we are and this potential change of more visits has her concerned that our privacy will be gone.

I am also fine with them not coming over often, I like it being just me and her but I do want my parents close when they have medical emergencies.

How do I approach this as currently she is a bit annoyed but taking a more "see how this pans out" attitude?

I don't exactly want to jump the gun and talk to my parents ahead of time to make sure they don't come over often because I don't think they will and it might sour their relationship to her if they think she doesn't want them over ever, even if I also don't want them over often.

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[–] TychoQuad@lemm.ee 82 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Before your parents go to great expense to move, have a sit down and talk with them about this. Make sure everyone involved knows what to expect beforehand.

If they move and things aren’t what they expect, it will sour everyone’s relationship much more

[–] scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech 34 points 2 months ago

This was something I recommend fully, OP I had to do the same with my mother moving out. I forced her to think about hard questions like

What if we decide to move away (my partner and I)? Will you stay in your new home? Would you even be able to afford to move again? What if we left and you didn't even like it there, after all we moved because we liked it.
What if you don't like it? Is being near me enough to justify living somewhere you don't like?
You will not be close to your friends and family anymore, which means missing some time critical things. (Think elderly family members, if we got the word it's now a 5 hour flight plus a lot of driving). Are you sure you're okay with that?
(Important for OP) You will not have a key to our place, and we will not have an open door policy. We do have our own lives and our own friends, and it won't be like when I was growing up where you could see me whenever you wanted. You'll still have to call and schedule time with us. Does that change how you view this?

Ultimately she decided she was okay with those, but OP come up with a list of these, and have the hard conversation.