Asklemmy

43940 readers

736 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
!lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS

humble, introverted self asks for your advice about human behavior at the workplace. Please read below: (linux.community)

submitted 4 months ago by vestmoria@linux.community to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

8 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Im introverted and have always enjoyed my solitude. Some people have complained that I don't talk much, which is true, I don't need to talk to feel good.

After changing workplaces, I decided to be proactive and introduce myself to my new coworkers. I was friendly and did it properly: my name, smiley face and what I do, eager to help them.

Some of them are friendly, greet back when I greet, but jesus christ, others outright avoid even eye contact with me like the plague, even though I kept greeting them for at least 2 more days.

Now I've returned the favor and I ignore them, not even asking them to do anything for me because last time I did, one of them said she would take a batch of documents to a nearby department but then outright ignored it and I had to do it myself.

It's also a bit funny: 2 coworkers that the first day had small but normal conversations with me now look elsewhere when they see me... and I give them back the same treatment. Childish and petty? extremely, but I ask you: what should I do?

Introverted me says: what were you expecting? This is what people are, don't bother trying to be extroverted, see what this brought you, return to your introverted self, do your job and go home, but this might sabotage me.

I confess neither do I know how to react when people are friendly when I'm talking to a coworker they like but the moment this coworker leaves, they turn to a mute.

To me, those of you who can play this silly workplace theater so well are geniuses. I cannot fake that a boring person interests me, nor can I fake respect for a person who treats me like I described.

I'd like to read your feedback.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] oxjox@lemmy.ml 4 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

From what I'm reading, it seems more like you're on the spectrum more than simply being introverted.

And what you believe to be introverted is more likely shyness and insecurity. Introverted is an overused word that has lost its original meaning. An introvert is someone who finds comfort and energy in doing isolated things. An introvert doesn't explicitly have issues with socializing with people one-on-one or in small groups. You may in fact be both but you have not described introversion here.

I have a friend like you I've known for about ten years. At first, and pretty much until recently, he was very robotic and acted as if he were carrying out instructions he read about being a normal human. After enough time of faking it though, he's more natural in his interactions - though still awkward.

So, my advice is to try acting like a normal person while slowly exceeding the restrictions your insecurity permits. Don't expect others to willfully engage with you right away - they too may suffer from what holds you back. I would venture to guess, given how social interaction has changed in the last twenty years, most people are more similar to you than not.

Seems like you're on the right path so far by introducing yourself. Don't be a dick. Don't be pushy or clingy. Relationships and trust take time to build. Give it room to breathe.

Try to find new hobbies that promote in-person out-in-the-open social interaction and build your confidence around others you share common interests with. This will help build your confidence around others like your coworkers.

Also, know yourself and your place. There might be something about you that people generally aren't comfortable with. Being too anxious to form relationships could be one. Maybe you need to work on your hygiene or maybe word got out that you stole someone's lunch or maybe someone heard you taking a massive dump one day or maybe they found out about your political or religious positions or they resent you for being hired for some reason. It might be something other than you being shy and insecure.