this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2024
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Forgive my ignorance but I don't see why that's an unreasonable request
She doesn't owe him anything.
It's basically accusing her of cultural appropriation, just for wearing a t-shirt she likes.
The question implies skepticism that she is an authentic fan. It's a form of gatekeeping, based in misogyny and rigid social conformity.
Even if she doesn't really know iron maiden's music, so what? It's perfectly reasonable to choose your shirts based on styles and colours you like. I wore a Popeye the sailor t-shirt yesterday, I would not be prepared to talk about my favorite episodes.
What if she was a man instead?
In what reality is it important to pull someone's card. You can ask anybody wearing a shirt what their favorite song is or if they've seen them live. That's actually acceptable, because you're interested in their subjective experiences. Publically announcing to someone that you want to out-group them over a trivial matter is not.
Edit: and generally, that's how men interact with each other. But some take the existence of a woman in their fandom to be a direct attack on their already incredibly fragile masculinity.
The same holds true? Can't be that hard not to be an asshole.
I disagree that gatekeeping is either of those things. I also don't think it's unreasonable to ask people not to publicly associate themselves with a thing if they know nothing at all about that thing.
The bar is on the floor here.
What people choose to associate themselves with in public is exactly fuck all of your business. Don't be like the meme guy, tend to your own garden.
It's completely my business! It's the only reasonable way for fans of a thing to find each other in public and strike up a conversation about that thing. If I go up to someone wearing a Portal shirt and talk to them about my favorite parts of the game and associated media only to find out they've never even watched the trailers, and I ask them I can introduce them to the game and do the co-op campaign with them and they say they never intend to...
Gatekeeping really is not either of these things, but people can wear whatever they like. I can't say I get why someone would do it at all, but not my problem.
There's a huge difference between using it as a conversation starter and asking about their favorite songs or whatever, since it's reasonable to assume they know and like the band, and going "name 3 songs" because you assume they don't listen to the band and also somehow care about that.
Gatekeeping isn't inherently misogynistic or conformist, but the motivations in cases like this probably are.
Nobody owes anyone an explanation of how entitled they are to wear a band's t-shirt.
I've listened to enough iron maiden to know that I like the band, but could only name one song off the top of my head. Do I have your permission to wear their t-shirt?
You're channeling the same energy as someone that feels entitled to know about a stranger's genitals if their bone structure seems misaligned with the gender they're presenting.
It's so easy to not be an asshole watch this:
Slayer fan:
Iron maiden fan:
Or:
Or:
Or:
Or:
Life is so much better if you don't make nasty assumptions.
For fuck's sake, what's nasty about the assumption that someone wearing a band's merch likes the band?
Nothing, wrong with assuming someone likes the band who's shirt they're wearing.
What's nasty is assuming that they don't, (because of how they look) and demanding they prove their fan credentials.
In these situations the asker is typically skeptical that your a "real fan", usually because of sexism.
It doesn't really matter how you answer because they're not asking for a genuine conversation, they want a dick measuring contest to prove they are superior. If you do fulfill their request chances are they'll nitpick the songs you chose and still accuse you of being a "fake fan".
Gatekeeping often comes with moving the goalpost so the only winning move is not to play.
A genuine asker would probably ask about your favorites rather than demand they answer trivia.
Do you believe that everyone needs to prove their fandom at a moments notice with inane trivia about that thing?
I hardly consider the names of three of the band's songs "inane trivia"
To name three songs or to get away from her?
Here's how the conversation could go without sounding like an ass:
Him: Cool shirt. Do you like Iron Maiden?
Her: No, I just like this shirt.
Him: That's cool. They're one of my favourite bands. If you wanna hangout sometime I'd love to introduce them to you?
Maybe not the last sentence but can you get the difference in tone?