this post was submitted on 21 Jan 2024
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Are we? I hate how everyone who struggles with relationships is instantly called an incel.
I wish there was a better way to distinguish between small-i incel (a life condition you'd like to change) and big-I Incel (a toxic social movement).
There's r/foreveralone. I don't know how the community evolved, but like 7 or so years ago it was basically what you described. People seeking comfort over feeling undateable and being scared of never finding anyone, but without the toxicity and hate that incels are known for.
Don't ask me how I know this.
Incel ideology is defined by the "involuntary" (the "In" in "Incel"). So by definition, saying that something can be changed, implies it is not involuntary. And not a part of the ideology.
And because choosing to follow the ideology is a choice, there can be no such thing as a "small 'i'" incel.
Except it’s not exactly involuntary for them, is it? People who subscribe to that ideology are undateable because they become awful, toxic people, which can be changed.
Well, this meme is specifically promoting the notion that how attractive you look directly correlates to your ability to date people. When how you look is not the be all end all of dating.
This general concept of one's "biologically ordained appearance" being incompatible with finding love and relationships is closely tied with incel ideology. The "black pill" is generally used to denote that you're biologically and immutably so unattractive that you will never be able to "compete in the sexual marketplace." Felt gross just typing that. It's also attached to the conspiracy theory of "hypergamy," that you're so unattractive that even women of "comparable conventional attractiveness" won't ever date you.
The message of the meme, that someone is so unattractive they can not date anyone at all, is not explicitly incel ideology, but that notion is closely tied to it. In all likelihood this meme was made by someone in the incel community or who regularly consumes incel content.
There are behavioral studies showing this to be completely true. As someone who is honest about how I probably wouldn't date an unattractive person, I freely admit this tracks; and, unlike incels, I absolutely don't blame either gender for this fact. It's just how our brains are wired.
ohh is there also a study defining exactly how ugly YOU are? or maybe you have some mental health issues and this is just more self deprecating talk?
that's the issue here, mother fuckers keep saying "study study study fact fact fact ugly ugly ugly" but that speaks nothing to their own situation. you can abuse facts and research, and I see it literally every day: depressed people cherry pick negative evidence to support their worldview that they are worthless
There are two good arguments here.
Biologically attractive people will be generally more successful at having casual sexual encounters. Whether or not this tracks to actually finding love or just finding sex is unsure. Furthermore, whether it has to do with "unattractive" people being less confident/more self-conscious is yet to be shown.
If you take care of yourself and actually go out and interact with women (and people in general), forcing yourself into uncomfortable social situations, eventually you'll get better at talking to people and talking to people is like 80% of dating.
These people need help. It's not my problem or responsibility. It's THEIR responsibility.
Hmmm, to me it read differenlty: that someone who is attractive doesn't understand the problems that come with being unattractive, and also it was funny how naively the guy in the bottom row asks "are you sure?".
I guess, like everything else in life, there's more than one way to read/interpret something.
How is that incel ideology? Incels hate women and think they are entitled to sexual relationships. This has nothing to do with believing dating potential directly correlates to physical attractiveness (which it does, at least for men).
If you wanna go ahead and read the rest of my comment I explain it lol
This is absolutely an incel meme. Incel ideology hinges on always placing the blame on something external (often women and genetics) for their problems, never their own actions. If someone were to blame themselves and take responsibility for their own situation, it would by definition not be Involuntary.
How so? Incels blame women for their failures. I blame myself.
I wasn't calling you an Incel.
my issue isn't even the blame, it's the delusional self-deprecation