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Buy the thinnest adhesive weather stripping you can find, and stick a patch in the appropriate place between the door and latch area. That's the zone that makes the KERCHUNK.
DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT AN ENGINEER, JUST A RECKLESS IDIOT. I AM NOT LIABLE IF YOU GIVE YOURSELF BALL CANCER WHILE HEATING UP YOUR LEAN CUISINES.
If you yell the moment it closes you should effectively muffle the noise of it closing.
ah, the tactical velcro method
Fake sneeze works too.
I'm not very good with reading capital letters. i hope this works! you're in big trouble if it doesn't.
Stan, get your dad a beer