this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 111 points 9 months ago (5 children)

I know it's a joke but if this was a man posting a dildo with the same text he'd get flamed

[–] Sprucie@feddit.uk 97 points 9 months ago (3 children)

If it was a bar of soap moulded into a cock though we'd probably be seeing a pretty similar post

[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 43 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Rubbing soap on your dick is safe though.

Sticking soap up your snizz is how you get an infection.

[–] baduhai@sopuli.xyz 4 points 9 months ago

It would be pretty impressive, though.

[–] saigot@lemmy.ca 3 points 9 months ago

Dildo shampoo bottles are relatively commonplace though.

[–] Fuckfuckmyfuckingass@lemmy.world 44 points 9 months ago (3 children)

Idk man, fucking a bar of soap, clearly on the reg , and leaving it for the world to see is a bit different. Plus I feel like most dildo users have the presence of mind to put that shit up when they're done.

[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 12 points 9 months ago

My ex would disagree as she'd leave hers lying out even when we had company over.

We were both also very mental unwell so that could be a part of it

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 8 points 9 months ago (5 children)

That was made that way for the joke. How would you even begin fucking a flat bar of soap? Even pre-drilled, it would wear out too fast to be any fun.

Don't use conditioner guys!!!

For the 4th time (I'm an idiot) I got serious dick issues. Don't know if it dries the skin out or what, but the end gets hypersensitive, turns dark red, skin turns black and peels off, hurts like hell, and then you get nice, new pink skin. It's painful and revolting and takes about a week for the whole process.

Thought was just me until I saw a reddit post a few months back. LOTS of dudes experiencing the same exact thing.

Don't use conditioner guys!!!

[–] MadBob@feddit.nl 8 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Would you mind choosing a verb other than "use" so I know what in God's name I shouldn't be doing with conditioner?

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 10 points 9 months ago (1 children)

If the context didn't provide, I meant jacking off. Paddling the pink canoe. Abusing the wicked stick. Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger. Shaking hands with the milkman. Boxing the one-eyed champ. Taking the self-guided tour.

[–] MadBob@feddit.nl 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Seeing to yourself? Tossing your salad? Clearing the pipes? Sopping your tissues? Summoning Spiderman? Switching to manual? Burping the serpent? Don't know it.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

"Switching to manual". I'm stealing that. You can't stop me.

"Switch SCE to AUX". You can steal that one!

[–] MadBob@feddit.nl 1 points 9 months ago
[–] GBU_28@lemm.ee 6 points 9 months ago

What in the bed bath and beyond is this shit

[–] HerbalGamer@sh.itjust.works 4 points 9 months ago

Are you sure that's conditioner and not bleach?

[–] sukhmel@programming.dev 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

This is disturbingly specific 😰

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world -4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Want a pic? It's at the blackened and peeling stage. Shower water hit it tonight and I yelped. Brand new skin in just a few more days!

[–] atomicorange@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago

How many times have you repeated this process? Why was one flayed dick not enough?

[–] MrGG@lemmy.ca 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

This is the kind of wholesome informative content I come to Lemmy for. Thank you for your service, sir!

Actually, wait, I have a question. How did your ball-hair feel aftwards? Did it help with testicular split ends?

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world -4 points 9 months ago

Ball hair is mostly nonexistent. But here come more conditioner tips!

Decided to get nice and clean for my ex-wife. Showered and used a little conditioner on the meat puppet. She stuck it in her mouth and made a face. "Tastes like shampoo!"

That woman could pop the balloon on the sexiest of times. Ever had a lover so tacky as to complain, in the moment?! Not like, "Move a little.", or "Ouch, not like that." More like... Know what? Not gonna relive that foul woman.

[–] garbagebagel@lemmy.world 3 points 9 months ago

When my sister and I lived with my parents our shower broke for a bit so we had to use my parents' shower for a few days. Guess who forgot to take their dildo out of there.... It was my sister not me but lucky for her and unlucky for me, my parents never clarified so they'll just think what they will.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 25 points 9 months ago (1 children)

If this were a woman posting a dildo she’d get flamed. Use sex toys all you want, but don’t fuck soap, it’s ironically unsanitary

[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 8 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I've covered that aspect already in other comment chains.

Also this picture is clearly a joke. You wouldn't be able to actually use that to masturbate as the hole would grow rapidly. You'd have to lather your hands first using either bar or liquid soap.

Yeah jamming your dick into a solid bar of soap is gonna cause a lot of issues. The one I'd imagine being the first to worry about is your dick getting bruised cause bar soap ain't exactly soft

[–] Death_Equity@lemmy.world 17 points 9 months ago (1 children)

What if you make the hole and then soapy fidget spinner?

[–] HerbalGamer@sh.itjust.works 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] ghostdoggtv@lemmy.world 3 points 9 months ago

And that's how hula hoops are made!

🤮

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 1 points 9 months ago

You wouldn’t be able to actually use that to masturbate as the hole would grow rapidly

So, you're telling me the soap owner is a quickshot with a small dick

[–] scottywh@lemmy.world 18 points 9 months ago

A shower dildo left there to be found? No.. that'd be fuckin weird too

[–] Ledivin@lemmy.world 4 points 9 months ago

If it was a dildo sculpted out of soap, we'd have the exact same replies as here.