Just like when a couple friends of mine came out as trans and nonbinary, I told them, "I'll do what I can but I may fuck up sometimes. Just please understand that me fucking up comes from a place of forgetfulness and habit not hate."

At this point I don't even remember what their dead names were, which honestly is a perk. Can't fuck it up if I don't remember what it was.

[–] Eccitaze@yiffit.net 6 points 1 year ago

Honestly, that's the best way to live IMO. You don't necessarily have to understand something or adopt it for yourself, but it literally costs you nothing to show someone the basic respect of addressing them how they wish to be addressed.

My best man came out as trans a few years after our wedding. It took me a while to get her new name down pat, but every time I messed up I corrected myself immediately. The other day when she sent me a picture to show her progress on HRT I told her how happy I was at the progress my maid of honor had made and how much happier she looked. It's that simple: just call someone by their preferred name/pronouns.

[–] Killerqu00@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 year ago (2 children)

May I ask why do people need them? /gen

[–] Walk_blesseD@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 year ago

I don't know, you'd be better off asking somebody who actually uses them. I just like the way they subvert common ideas about language and gender.

[–] Gustephan@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

I feel like it's one of those things where you don't need to understand it, you just need to respect how other people want to be addressed. For reference, I'm a cis man. It's really easy to take for granted how gender affirming it is for me every time somebody refers to me with my preferred pronouns, he/him, because I've just never had the experience of somebody disrespecting that. I never had to justify my pronouns or fight for the basic respect of people using my preferred pronouns. The idea that anybody should be required to justify their pronouns or fight for that same respect that a lot of us take for granted is horseshit.

[–] oshitwaddup@lemmy.antemeridiem.xyz 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Tbh i'de prefer if a third, more neutral singular pronoun, whether it's "xe" or something else was more common. It's a pain in the ass when i'm referring to someone who uses they/them, or who's gender i don't know, and a group of people.

"They went with them to the store" there are now two "they/thems" in this sentence, and while this isn't a great example, there are times where it gets really ambiguous and unclear exactly what i'm trying to communicate

Hell i'd be down for separate singular pronouns for nonbinary people and people who's gender i don't know

[–] break1146@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I mean, but they being used a singular has been a thing outside of people using different pronouns and this issue being pronounced (lol). You can also refer to multiple people and so can the Dutch formal equivalent of "u".

There's lots of instances of things in language cussing slight confused, but they're usually not hard to overcome.

Maybe say "they went with that group". Or just the person's name. If I don't know the person, I might make a little description of them, like "oh yeah, the cool person we just met with blue hair".

Pronouns and generally gendered or gender neutral language like that is a little bit confusing in Dutch (outside the 'traditional' binary genders). It all works a lot nicer in English, but maybe that's because I'm more familiar with everything in English and I speak it more. But in Dutch I'll generally rephrase altogether and avoid it.

I'm sometimes confused how to fit neopronouns into my grammer. But honestly just doing it and fixing it when messing up seems to work okay. I do like neopronouns. All words are made up, why not make your own?

[–] oshitwaddup@lemmy.antemeridiem.xyz 3 points 1 year ago

I think the case where i run into issues with singular + plural they the most is if i already said the persons name, so it would be awkward to say it again

Ultimately not a big deal tho, i just like to complain sometimes

[–] norapink@kbin.social 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Why can't they and xe be used depending on what someone prefers?

[–] PugJesus@kbin.social 17 points 1 year ago

They can be. I mean, I don't think xe is inherently less legitimate as a word. But I do think it's ugly and unnecessary, as are neopronouns in general. I have similarly pedantic opinions on things like 'irregardless'.

If someone asked me to use 'xe' I would out of courtesy, but I would much prefer we all come together and agree that the singular they is the best choice for the job.

[–] LorelaiL@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

You don't get to decide how other people express themselves, that's kinda like the whole point yknow.

Edit: If a person tells you that a certain way of referring to them makes them more comfortable than the way you are currently referring to them, and you then choose to ignore that, then you are no better than a transphobe.