Around 6pm US Pacific today (July 30 2024), The Needling published the following post, but pulled it offline sometime before 11:15pm that same evening.
The url was https://theneedling.com/2024/07/30/texts-reveal-mayor-harrells-kink-for-dressing-as-dog-sitting-in-rich-peoples-laps/ but now goes to an error page.
The article text is below.
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Texts obtained through a public records request by The Needling confirm suspicions that Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell has in fact spent the majority of his on-the-clock time in public office indulging a kink for dressing up like a dog and sitting in rich people’s laps.
“Up until now, we thought this idea that Mayor Harrell is super cozy with the richest people in town was more of a figure of speech, but we now know through texts he knew very well were public record that he spends much of his work time dressed as a leashed, furry pup going door to door in the city’s wealthiest neighborhoods,” said senior Needling investigative reporter Joey Tyler. “Now there’s nothing wrong with pup play–but on the job engaging in mansion backroom deals as a public servant? Some of these texts are graphic, so let’s just say he also likes getting on his knees and getting a really good sniff in there when he greets them.”
The interactions were confirmed by Stuart Sloan, the rich man and owner of U Village with whom Harrell “shared disgust” regarding Denny Blaine’s queer nude beach—enough to attempt ruining it with a privately funded children’s playground last year.
“While I am disgusted by human nudity at Denny Blaine Park, I do get off on mayors who want to wag their tails and lick my face when I need their attention,” said Sloan. “Bruce is such a good lap dog: He always comes when called. Just last night, he came over to my Lake Washington mansion, laid his floppy-eared head in my lap while I smoked $100 cigars and drank the last bottle of the most expensive wine on the planet. I told him exactly how I wanted this city run, and he agreed to every single request. Going forward, nudity will not only be banned in public parks but also inside your home.”
At press time, the city was hopeful Harrell would tie himself a little less to the demands of the rich when he was spotted playing fetch with Mr. Sloan in Cal Anderson Park’s unofficial off-leash dog area.
Or dropping the first “r” and being blinded by ska porn.
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